Category Archives: Habitudes

German Soldiers Burning Out Like Flies

October 7, 2011 By in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

And here you thought American soldiers had it bad. Put yourselves in a German soldier’s boots for once already.

It seems that the many Bundeswehr reforms taking place these days (they’re basically cutting the German army down to the size of a large police force which will never be used either) strain German soldiers way too awful much. Particularly “overtime and anxiety about the future” afflict them grievously, I read.

“It is an unprecedented test of severity” for these soldiers and their families, causing frustration, turmoil and exhaustion and… Burn-out! You know, another one of those imaginary disease imports custom-made for German society, or the lack thereof (Burn-out is very fashionable here these days. Just the other day a Bundesliga soccer coach threw in his towel quite publicly. A freakin’ soccer coach?).

And the punch line of this article (which I originally assumed to be of a satirical nature)? Not a word was mentioned about Afghanistan or any possible stress that a German soldier might be experiencing there. I guess that means that it’s less stressful to be a German soldier in Afghanistan than it is to be one back home in Germany.

Although it must be kind of stressful, or at least confusing, being a combat soldier in an army that never takes part in any combat operations even when it is in a war that isn’t really a war because this is Germany and being in wars, although having an army, is no longer provided for. Damn. Just thinking about that has me burning out already.

“Es darf keine Reformverlierer geben.”

World Domination Plans Suddenly Not Working

October 6, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helections, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

A few months ago everybody thought that the Greens were going to take over the Berlin city government. Now they can’t even form a coalition as junior partner with Mayor Teflon himself, Party Klaus Wowereit (as in SPD).

The issue? It’s a non-issue, as usual. This time it’s a two-mile stretch of Autobahn that everybody in Berlin wants to have, except the Green Shirt ideologues (and the fruitier varieties even further up in outer space). I guess this was supposed to be Berlin’s Stuttgart 21, whatever that was/is (will someone finally explain that to me?).

And what is the Green ideology, you ask? Saying no. Just say no. Say no and ask questions later. And that, liebe Freunde, is why the Greens have become a big fat Volkspartei in Germany, get it? But you can only say no for so long, I guess. Even in Germany. Even in Berlin.

“Eine moderne wirtschaftsfreundliche Infrastruktur ist die Grundlage des Wohlstands in Deutschland, dazu gehören auch Autobahnen, Schienenwege, Stromtrassen und Pipelines. Es ist ein großer Irrtum der Grünen, wenn sie meinen, das alles wäre im 21. Jahrhundert nicht mehr so wichtig.”

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

October 5, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

First the good news: Germans are no more depressive than they used to be.

The bad news is that they are now no longer expected to keep their depressions to themselves and are being asked to come out of their closets to tell everybody about it.

The numbers are shocking or something. Fear industry experts at the Foundation for German Depression Assistance say that there are four million depressed people in Germany, two-thirds of them being women. Just like the rest of us, their lives are filled with angst, emptiness and desperation. But unlike others, these folks are much easier to manipulate (by organizations like the Foundation of German Depression Assistance, for instance) and can and will be made to come public with their ailments, real or imaginary, thus “breaking a taboo” and further increasing their number and the throng of psychotherapeutically challenged pilgrims to organizations like, well, take a guess.

The development is in fact so dramatic that comedian Harald Schmidt has been asked to get involved as a sponsor. And anybody who wasn’t depressed before attending a conference moderated by this guy will be by the time he leaves.

Gee. All of this gives German depression assistance a whole new meaning or something.

Vier Millionen Depressive in Deutschland – das kann nicht nur am Fernsehprogramm liegen.

58 Beer Mug Brawls

October 4, 2011 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , , , , 6 Comments

Now that’s what I call another gelungene (successful) and jolly old Oktoberfest.

And this year’s lost and found items were pretty interesting, too: Along with the 500 wallets, 400 cell phones, the crutches and the wheelchairs (that beer really can work wonders) and the 1300 pieces of clothing (they won’t say what kind), some false teeth, a Wiking helmet, a megaphone and a Blattheuschrecke (grasshopper) also got handed in. One year somebody even showed up with a glass eye.

Zum Wohl!

Our Curricula Can’t Cover Everything

October 3, 2011 By in Habitudes, History Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Happy German Unity Day or something.

The GDR is part of school curricula – at the end of the 10th grade, after the unit on World War II. Some teachers say they just never get to the GDR, because their students need more time to digest all of the heavy history that came before it. Other teachers and parents simply don’t want to relive their past.

“When I give tours like this now, [two decades] after the end of the GDR, I’m amazed at how little is known about it.”

The GDR wasn’t so bad, her godmother said, as long as you didn’t criticize the system; you could have a normal family life just like in the West.

But in general, many young people are unfamiliar with East Germany: a majority doesn’t know who built the Berlin Wall or whether Willy Brandt was a politician in the East or the West.

“The division of Germany and the postwar period are probably some of the most documented times in history. There are endless shelves full of books on the subject,” Hillmer said. “But the collective historical memory is at zero. All these countless anniversary events aren’t changing anything.”

“The main finding of our study is that young people today, from both the East and the West, are not really able to differentiate between democracy and dictatorship.”

Pope Too Religious For Germans

September 26, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Always talking about spiritual renewal, faith, the heart, love, apostles, saints and stuff like that, many German Catholics were clearly disappointed with Pope Benedict XVI’s visit to his homeland over the weekend.

“It’s like an obsession with this guy or something,” one irritated non-churchgoer said. “All he ever talks about is freakin’ religion. He didn’t bring up sexual abuse, abortion, celibacy or letting women become priests once. Boring. I thought he’d never leave.”

The pope drew hundreds of thousands of German faithful to services held on stops during his trip, including a final Mass early Sunday that attracted about 100,000 people to an airfield beside Freiburg’s airport.

Abenteuerurlaub

September 25, 2011 By in Habitudes Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

Germans just love to go on vacation, as you know. And a lot of them are crazy about going on so-called adventure holidays. It is good for the countries they go adventure holidaying in, I guess. It promotes understanding or something, I think. And world peace.

Anyway, one German tourist vacationing in Afghanistan just had the adventure holiday of a lifetime and is now on permanent vacation, along with an unfortunate Afghan who was travelling with him.

Unknown gunmen killed a German tourist and his Afghan companion in central Afghanistan on Saturday. Two other Afghans were wounded when the gunmen opened fire on the van the tourist was travelling in, a senior police officer said.

In August: Two German nationals were killed last month while hiking in mountains near the capital Kabul. Their killers have not been found.

What Identity Do I Wear Today?

September 23, 2011 By in Habitudes, Health, Heconomy, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

So what do you want, Germany? The Germans don’t even know themselves what they want with Europe and/or Germany: In a survey this September by Der Spiegel, clear majorities of Germans said that it wasn’t right to help Greece and other countries with the bailout fund and that Germany was not benefiting from the euro zone. But a clear majority also believed that European institutions should be given more power in a crisis. Classic German schizophrenia again or what?

Not that it matters or anything. In the final analysis nobody is asking you what you want: The European Union is a union not of peoples but of heads of state. “General Franco was a head of state, too.”

Nope, I still don’t know what “Europe” is supposed to mean here, but I keep getting the sneaking suspicion that I’m not the only one living in Europe who feels that way. It’s just that I, as a non-European, have the luxury of being able to admit that I don’t get it and that I don’t really care.

But as this latest crisis develops, one thing seems certain. Whatever Europe may be, it clearly has something to do with illusion.  Illusion with an s on the end. With lots of illusions. One illusion after the next. Here’s one, for example:

Europe is founded on the illusion of German money without German control. And that bargain has worked, until now, because of the way Germany sees itself within Europe (which itself, as the polls suggest, is an illusion).

“As a good German one has to be a good European.”

Japanese Typhoon May Shut Down More German Nuclear Power Plants If They Can Still Find Any In Operation

September 22, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

It’s all over. All over again already, I mean. German press reports have confirmed that typhoon Roke has reached Fukushima ITSELF.

Worse still, the dreadful storm has wreaked havoc there, having damaged one of the facility’s surveillence cameras. It may have even knocked it down. German citizens in or around Japan would be asked to leave the area immediately if there were any there to be asked to do so but there aren’t, so they won’t be. German citizens at home are asked to remain there, at home, until further notice.

It goes without saying that Germany’s nuclear energy policy will certainly be reviewed again although there’s not all that much more nuclear energy left here to policy anymore.

Außer einer durch den Sturm beschädigten Überwachungskamera gab es keine weiteren Schadensmeldungen aus dem bei einem Erdbeben sowie einem Tsunami im März havarierten Atomkraftwerk Fukushima-Daiichi.

No Positions “R” Us

September 21, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Diplomats in New York “have lost faith in Germany?” Was there ever really any faith in Germany to lose?

Apparently there was at one time a German foreign policy maxim to never oppose its European partners and the United States, or that’s what I just read, but I can’t remember that time. Germany’s strategy of avoidance with Libya finally took the Kuchen though, I guess. Like the famous Soviet njet from yesteryear, when push comes to shove, even the slowest and blindest diplomat out there has finally figured out what the German answer will always be: No position, as usual.

And Berlin was actually expecting to get permanent membership and veto power in the United Nations Security Council? What for?

Hey, they shouldn’t sweat it, and they won’t. Isolating themselves and having shrinking influence is better than being isolated and having no influence at all.

“Germany has no position yet, as usual.”