Everything Is So Wunderbar Here

August 3, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jobs, Satire, Work Leave a comment

When it comes to the German economy and the jobs here, right?

Right. Sort of. Think again. Granted, Germans love nothing better than to bitch and moan about anything and everything they can, their jobs included, but the latest phase of a study done by the Universität Duisburg-Essen has shown that based on a scale from 1 (awful) to 10 (great) German on-the-job satisfaction has dropped from 7.6 to 6.8 during the past 25 years.

In an international comparison, German is even way down at the bottom of the list, the only workers being less satisfied coming from ex-East Block nations like Slowakia, Ukraine, Bulgaria and Russia. But at least now the West Germans are just as miserable as the East Germans are, the study says. So that’s progress, I guess.

Hmmm. I guess nothing ever is as it seems.

Im internationalen Vergleich rangiert Deutschland in der Studie weit hinten auf Rang 18 – nur in den ehemaligen Ostblock-Staaten Slowakei, Ukraine, Bulgarien und Russland seien die Arbeitnehmer demnach noch unzufriedener.

Tea Party Bad

July 31, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Captain America, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obama, Satire, Tea Party 6 Comments

Here’s a quick summary of a fascinating Spiegel editorial about the American Tea Party movement and the current US debt crisis. Or the German intellectual take on it, I should say.

Tea Party want bankruptcy. America work for 235 years, then Tea Party come.

Now Tea Party want friction. Tea Party not want results. Tea Party now enemy. Tea Party outsiders.

Tea Party all take, no give. Tea Party not want to raise taxes. Tea Party bad not to want to raise taxes.

Tea Party people make fear, lead America to economic Armageddon.

America now at standstill. Tea Party people want annihilate Washington (see Captain America). They want stripped down state. Not like state. Very bad.

President Obama want improve schools. Tea Party not want this.
President Obama want clean energy. Tea Party not want this.
President Obama want cuts (and taxes). Tea Party not want this (only cuts). This bad.

Tea Party focus on principles. Very bad.

Tea Party practice raw and aggressive democracy.

Tea Party even make fun of Republicans. This good, sort of, but still bad.

Democracy depends on compromise and the American government depends on all branches working together. The Tea Party movement shuns both, preferring instead to drive the state into bankruptcy. On principle.

The Cuban Rum Crisis

July 29, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Communism, Cuba, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Rum, Satire Leave a comment

German rum runners everywhere were stunned to discover yesterday that evil US of Amerika has placed an embargo on communist Cuban goods some 50 years ago and that that nation’s Yankee imperialist lacky puppets eBay/PayPal will no longer allow them to import Cuban rum to Germany anymore (they froze their accounts).

When will the Unterdrückung (oppression) ever end or something?

“Der Händler kann weiter seine Artikel bei Ebay verkaufen, aber nicht über PayPal.”

Naked Germans Put On Endangered Species List, Finally

July 20, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: Berlin, FKK, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nudists, Nudity, Satire 2 Comments

It’s not as easy being a German naturalist as it used to be. Due to weight issues, more and more clothing has to be taken off or something and that’s become a real pain in the sunburned behind.

And then there are the demographics. Immigrants from Turkey and Arabic countries aren’t interested in “social nudity,” for some strange reason.

Nude sunbathing has a long tradition in Germany. The Free Body Culture (FKK) movement was founded in the early 20th century and succeeded in taking much of the smut and embarrassment out of nudity.

Let’s Deepen German-Russian Ties

July 16, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy Tags: Awards, Berlin, Economics, Freedom, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Russia, Satire 7 Comments

And let’s do so by cancelling a German freedom prize that was to be awarded to Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin just days before German Chancellor Angela Merkel is to meet with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev to discuss reinforcing their countries’ growing economic and trade ties.

Whatever. But he’ll be heartbroken for sure.

The Quadriga award annually honors people who are “role models for and from Germany” and is “dedicated to all those whose courage tears down walls and whose commitment builds bridges.”

Green Glamour?

July 11, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art Tags: Berlin, Berlin Fashion Week, Ecology, Fashion, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Mode, Satire Leave a comment

In Berlin green is glamourous (wow, that’s a no-brainer).

Makes sense, if you think about it. Green certainly isn’t what you would call a “power” color.

But I don’t know. Do you really want to walk around in sustainable clothes all the time? After three or four months of constant wear, that sustainable sweater of yours may not be biodegradeable any more.

Speaking of Heuling…

July 7, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, High Art Tags: Berlin, Fake Injuries, Football, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Soccer, Sports Leave a comment

The current women’s soccer fest has shown me once again that women just aren’t as good at soccer as men are. When it comes to fake soccer injuries, I mean.

“As soccer fans, we are shocked, shocked to learn that some players might not really be injured when they flop onto the pitch. Now comes a study suggesting that women are less likely to fake soccer injuries than men.”

They’re just missing that killer instinct or something.

Pirouettes and Unpredictability

July 5, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: EU, Europe, Germany, Greece, Leadership 1 Comment

We Germans call the shots here in Europe, sort of.

It’s just that we don’t know what we’re going to be calling next.

“Anybody out there still think Germany is running Europe — or for that matter can or will dominate it in time?

The question fits the moment after the German refusal to vote in favor of allied military intervention in Libya, the government’s pullout from nuclear energy largely for reasons of emotion and domestic political calculation, and its willingness last week to put off possibly decisive steps to end Greece’s debt misery.

Over a period of just about three months, that is a lot of unpredictability and policy pirouettes for allies who might have thought German leadership, on the upside, would be rational, competent and closely bound to the West.”

Everything Is So Wonderfulawful Here

June 27, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Boom, Economics, Economy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Psychology, Satire 1 Comment

Things have never been better here in Germany, we are told. And yet the German nation still can’t seem to get up off the collective couch (the psychiatrist’s kind).

This guy has an interesting take on Germany’s latest “season of angst” or why a prosperous nation has this obsessive need to turn on itself (and those around it).

His bewilderment is uncalled for however, I find. I can only wonder why he wonders. The Germans were, are and always will be collectively schizophrenic, in their own peculiar (cute?) little way. They are permanently krankgeschrieben (off sick) and that couch is, well, where they live.

Yet it is very hard to find anyone here who is happy about this state of affairs. Unlike the great Rhineland industrial booms of the 1950s and 1970s, this one is provoking Germans to turn against their government, against Europe, against technology and growth, against outsiders. It is an inward-looking, self-questioning moment in a country that the rest of Europe very badly needs to be involved in affairs outside its borders.

German Recycling Destroying Umwelt

June 23, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bottles, Environment, Freedom, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Recycling, Robots, Satire 3 Comments

Bad consumer! Environmental groups are alarmed and warning that the entire German reusable bottle system as we know it may soon be on the verge of collapse. And it’s all because of you, ihr Flaschen (“you bottles,” a German idiom for losers). You’re recyling the wrong bottles (the plastic ones, these are “bad”).

Horror of horrors or something. Just when Big Green Brother finally got you to robotically return your bottles to the reusable bottle robots located at your local supermarket, like you should, for your own good, you start buying more plastic returnables (thinking that these are as “good” as good old glass ones), causing the share of environmentally friendly bottles in circulation to sink from 70 to 50 percent. If this continues, the whole system will become “unprofitable,” whatever that means.

It seems that Fearless Leader’s five-year plan actually called for a percentage of 80 percent of environmentally friendly bottles to be in circulation so you have all failed miserably and will now have to be reprogrammed at your own cost again so that you know better and start buying the good glass recyclable bottles instead. And returning them to the robots (the machine ones). After you have emptied them, I mean (the bottles). Ah, the hell with it. They’ll explain it all to you better later.

Eine bessere Kennzeichnung und ökologisch differenzierte Steuer werden verlangt.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habitudes