No Rubber Stamp Here

This isn’t Animal House, you know.

Clearly shocked by the Northwestern University sex-toy-in-human-sexuality-class-incident in US-Amerika, German Bundestag President Norbert Lammert just isn’t going to take any chances and has banned the sale of condoms in parliament here (they sold them in the cigarette machines–uh, can they buy condoms in Congress too?).

Just in case German parliamentarians get any weird ideas or something, I guess. And I’d rather not think about that if you don’t mind so I support this guy 100%.

Students watched as a naked 25-year-old woman was penetrated by a sex toy.”

Glad Sad Mad

Or was it Sad Mad Glad? At any rate, Chancellor Merkel is now in hot water for “endorsing a crime” after she said that she was “glad” that Osama bin Laden had been killed by US forces.

A Hamburg judge has even filed a criminal complaint against her because of this “tacky and undignified” remark that only an American could love.

In typically German schizophrenic style, Schadenfreude (the enjoyment of others’ suffering) cannot be openly expressed in The Land of Schadenfreude. It simply isn’t done here (even though it’s done here privately all day long).

The Germans aren’t glad about this issue, that’s for sure. But they’re not sad about it either. Whether they’re mad or not is certainly up to debate, however.

“The Sad Mad Glad series makes the teaching of trustworthiness, responsibility, caring, respect, fairness, and citizenship an experience that parents and mentors will never forget.”

German Sensitivity All Sensitive Again

And this time it has to do with the killing of a mass murderer (an interesting editorial piece, I’m paraphrasing most of this).

Damned if you do, I always say. For years Germans sardonically reproached George W. Bush for not being able to capture the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks. Now that Osama bin Laden has been located and killed during an attempt to capture him, that was wrong too.

Here are just a few popular and very predictable politically correct party line reactions to the killing as presented by the German state media:

“Bin Laden was simply bumped off.”

“What kind of a country is this that could cheer at such an execution?”

“He was a 54-year-old father of a family.”

“German law professors go on record as saying that the US commando action violated international law.”

And of course the admonition cannot lack that “Obama only did this to get re-elected.” Other possible reasons for the killing of the man who was responsible for the most terrible attacks upon the United States since Pearl Harbor are apparently not imaginable for those in charge at German state television (WDR, Jörg Schönenborn).

More to follow here very soon I’m sure.

Und warum nur fällt es in diesem Land so schwer, eine sehr einfache Erkenntnis zu formulieren: Diese Welt ist ohne den Massenmörder aus Saudi-Arabien eine bessere. Darauf wird man sich doch wenigstens einigen können.

German Reliability?

Sure it’s for real, sort of. As the late Richard Holbrooke said of his experience with it: “Expect the unexpected breach of trust.”

Considering Germany’s latest big coup, declining to vote in favor of a UN Security Council resolution to protect Libyan civilians fighting against the Gaddafi dictatorship (remember that these are the folks who want a permanent seat in the Security Council), I wonder what wonderful words of praise President Obama is going to dish out on June 7 when he bestows the Medal of Freedom (the nation’s highest civilian distinction) on Chancellor Merkel? Something tells me he’s going to do a great job, by the way.

We already know what Frau Merkel will say (or already has said): “Freedom does not come about by itself. It has to be struggled for, and then defended anew, every day of our lives.”

Struggle? What struggle? Well it sure is a struggle trying to put German words and action together here. So I suppose, in a way, it is almost better that Germany now comes out and openly says no from the get go. At least then, as in the case of Libya, “It didn’t do what Germany normally does — say ‘yes,’ and then not do much of anything.”

“How come Germans have this reputation of being reliable, when they never quite are, and historically maybe never were.”

“Wann geht es denn endlich los?”

Anarchists these days. Like where’s the action already?

Scores of riot tourists in Berlin and Hamburg are now demanding their money back after violent clashes between anarchist hot heads and the Polizei failed to materialize last night.

“And this is supposed to be unbridled chaos?” asked one disappointed Berlin visitor. “I’ve seen more action at a funeral parlor. We’ve been waiting around here half the night and not a single Benz is burning. Anywhere. Berlin is poor but sexy, huh? Well it’s boring too.”

Sehr zum Unmut vieler Schaulustiger bleibt es dann an diesem Abend im Schanzenviertel weitgehend ruhig. Bei Bier und Cocktails warten sie darauf, dass Autonome sich mit der Polizei anlegen. “Wann geht es denn endlich los”, fragt ein Mädchen in engen Jeans und braunen Lederstiefeln ihren Begleiter im Polohemd. Eine Digitalkamera baumelt an ihrem Handgelenk.

Warm-up Time!

Berlin’s linke Szene (left-wing scene) is ganz aus dem Häuschen (giddy with excitement) and already on the street warming up for Sunday’s big May Day Riot.

The popular annual event, also known as the International Workers’ Day Riot, was originally celebrated as a senseless orgy of radical left-wing violence but has long since mutated into a senseless orgy of radical any-kind-of-violence-you-want dominated by agitated “Autonome“, participants without any political motivation whatsoever.

The Berlin police department is not permitted to intervene in any meaningful way that could possibly hurt the protestors’ feelings, however, this out of respect for the event’s radical leftist origins and the many aging left-wing romantics who will still somehow manage to take part if not vacationing on Mallorca.

All are welcome to attend. Barricades and stones will be furnished for free. You will have to resist arrest on your own, however. And PLEASE leave your cars at home.

Die Aktion sei “nix außer Selbstinszenierung” gewesen.

“No Risk Please, We’re Germans”

The German skeptics across the political spectrum who continue to describe the actions of the anti-Gadhafi alliance as being “insufficiently conceived” are completely right. The actions were not well conceived. They were born out of necessity, and the first sorties were chaotic because the nations that took action were convinced that they lacked the time to think things through.

They were not out to cleanly and permanently regulate the affairs of Libya through the use of force. They were intent on preventing a bloodbath within a few hours with an untidy, last-minute campaign. Given these circumstances, the idea that Westerwelle could have been the foreign minister of a permanent Security Council member — equipped with veto power — is extremely unsettling.

Germany seems determined to torpedo the international community’s newfound resolve. 

U-Turn, I-Turn, We All Turn

Turn, as in spinnen (to spin or, in this case, to be mental). This is another one of those only-in-Germany ones.

How long has it been since the latest greatest German Wende (turnaround)? Read some of these:

The U-turn on nuclear policy Chancellor Angela Merkel announced last month following the Fukushima accident will involve a massive expansion of renewable energies — as rapidly as possible. She is giving the public what it wants. But the shift will nevertheless provoke a major backlash. Germans may love their green energy, but they also have a growing proclivity towards not-in-my-backyard (NIMBY) lawsuits and referenda.

Many are now asking themselves if the transition to renewable energies will ruin the nation’s countryside.

Germany’s Federal Agency for Nature Conservation is already warning that in the rush to expand renewable energies, nature and wildlife conservation is being put on the back burner.

Germany’s opposition to wind power is well organized. The website windkraftgegner.de (wind power opponents), lists more than 70 protest campaigns.

Opposition is also mounting against the massive power masts that will be needed to transport clean energy across Germany and Europe.

And on and on and on. I don’t make this stuff up, people. Now they’re takin’ it to the streets to protest against renewable energy.

And the Green party’s grand energy strategy after their magnificent triumph down there in Baden-Wuerttemberg last month? Save power.

“We as Greens need to demonstrate our credibility,” national party co-chair Claudia Roth has said. At the same time, though, the Greens are very often active in the local NIMBY protests against the very kind of projects the party backs.

Humanitarian effort here? Nein Danke!

In Libya, maybe. But only if you ask nicely.

Uh oh. Germany is lecturing about responsibility again (immigrants from North Africa are trying to make their way to Europe for some strange reason these days and the EU is showing EU solidarity again).

Germany criticized Italian officials for undermining the Schengen Agreement, which established passport-free zones, and said Italy should handle the immigrants on its own.

“Within this European solidarity, it is necessary for each individual country to first face its responsibility,” Germany’s interior minister, Hans-Peter Friedrich, said in a television interview.

Libya: Frankreich reagierte mit Spott auf Deutschlands Pläne: Die Bereitschaft Berlins zu einem humanitären Hilfseinsatz in Libyen sei wie eine “mündliche Nachprüfung”, sagte Verteidigungsminister Gérard Longuet am Dienstag vor der französischen Nationalversammlung.