If It’s Not In Der Spiegel, It Didn’t Happen

Unfortunately, that’s also the case even when it is in Der Spiegel.

Spiegel

And here y’all thought that fake news was fake.

Award-winning journalist Claas Relotius wrote fake news, German magazine Der Spiegel says.

An award-winning journalist who worked for Der Spiegel, one of Germany’s leading news outlets, has left the weekly magazine after evidence emerged that he committed journalistic fraud “on a grand scale” over a number of years, the publication said Wednesday…

Spiegel’s revelations echoed past instances of journalistic fraud by reporters elsewhere, including Jayson Blair of The New York Times, Christopher Newton of The Associated Press and Janet Cooke, whose 1980 piece about a child addicted to heroin won The Washington Post writer a Pulitzer Prize before it was exposed as untrue.

Er hat nach Meinung der Jury des Deutschen Reporterpreises 2018 wieder die beste Reportage des Jahres geschrieben, über einen syrischen Jungen diesmal, der im Glauben lebt, durch einen Kinderstreich den Bürgerkrieg im Land mit ausgelöst zu haben. Die Juroren würdigen einen Text “von beispielloser Leichtigkeit, Dichte und Relevanz, der nie offenlässt, auf welchen Quellen er basiert.”

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German Of The Day: Kindergeld

That means child benefit payments. The “Kindergeld” benefits consist of monthly payments for each child in a family, starting at €192 per month per child for the first two children. Payments are then staggered depending on the number of children.

Kindergeld

The funny part is – hardy, har, har – these German Kindergeld payments are also going to parents of children who don’t even live in Germany but in other EU countries (€600 million per year). It’s another big scam, in other words. This has raised some concern here in Germany, believe it or not, and attempts have been made to restrict this.

So the really funny part is – hardy, har, har, har, har, har – is that the unelected officials over at the EU Parliament’s Sozialausschuss (Social Committee) have just ruled that Germany has to keep on making these payments anyway or else face disciplinary action from the EU. Wow. When Brussels says “social” (something for free), they mean it. You wanted Europe, Germany. Now you’ve got it. And you can bet there will be more good stuff like this to pay for in the future.

Deutschland, Österreich und Dänemark hatten gefordert, dass das Kindergeld für Ausländer an das Preisniveau des jeweiligen EU-Landes angepasst wird. Der Vorstoß ist im Sozialausschuss des EU-Parlaments gescheitert.

Germans Have Chutzpah, Too

Jew got to hand it to this guy.

Jew

A 71-year-old chairman of the small Jewish community in the city of Pinneberg in the German state of Schleswig-Holstein faces an accusation from the magazine Der Spiegel that he is not Jewish, deceiving Jewish members since 2003.

When confronted with this fact, the man went ballistic.

“Walter, come off it. You’re not even fucking Jewish.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’re fucking Polish Catholic.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia!”

“Yeah, and you were divorced five fucking years ago.”

“Yeah? What do you think happens when you get divorced? You turn in your library card? Get a new driver’s license? Stop being Jewish?”

“It’s just part of your whole sick Cynthia thing. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You’re living in the fucking past.”

“Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax, YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I’M LIVING IN THE PAST!”

Der gefühlte Jude.

German Of The Day: BAMF

That stands for Bundesamt für Migration und Flüchtlinge, which means the Federal Office for Migration and Refugees. It turns out they should have translated that as the Bureau for Asylum and Migrant Fraud, however.

BAMF

This is one of those tip of the iceberg stories, folks. Employees at Bremen’s BAMF have been accused of improperly granting asylum in 1,200 cases between 2013 and 2017 and now an investigation has been launched in which 18,000 additional successful asylum applications will be reviewed. In the meantime irregularities at other BAMF offices have come to light.

Internal email correspondence at the Bremen office has emerged in which an upper-level manager appears to be aware of this systemic problem but asks that an internal investigation be carried out in a “noiseless” manner.  Nor should “everything be examined down to the last detail.”

Same old same old, isn’t it? We’re from the government and we’re here to help.

Angeschrieben wegen möglicher Unregelmäßigkeiten in den Bremer Asylverfahren, habe der zuständige Abteilungsleiter des Bundesamts im Februar 2017 zwar eine Prüfung angeordnet, zugleich aber verfügt, dass diese „geräuschlos“ geschehen solle. Er wolle nicht, heiße es in seiner E-Mail, „dass alles bis ins Detail geprüft wird.”

Torpedoes Are Ready For Firing

Alarm Bells Ringing As German Court Prepares Diesel Verdict That Could Torpedo The Industry.

Daimler

This is widespread criminal activity here, people. VW may have gotten Dieselgate rolling, then Audi & Co. gets caught but now its Daimler’s turn.

Daimler AG, the automaker which produces the Mercedes-Benz line of luxury vehicles, is facing growing scrutiny after US investigators reportedly found that it installed software to cheat diesel emissions tests on cars, Bloomberg and Reuters reported.

I got three words to say here: Made in Germany. Here are three more: Betrug mit System (systematic fraud). Get this diesel Dreck (filth) out of here already.

Meanwhile… Tesla vehicles now dominates luxury segment in Europe, outselling flagship gas-powered German cars

Tesla Model S übertrumpft in Europa erstmals deutsche Premium-Konkurrenz.

My Guess Is Argentina

US authorities have issued international arrest warrants for five former VW managers and developers for their role in the Dieselgate scandal.

VW

Nobody in Germany can seem to find them so, you know, just put two and two together. No, that doesn’t make five. But it comes close.

Under the constitution, German citizens can only be extradited to other European Union countries or to an international court. But leaving Germany could pose the risk of being extradited to the United States from a third country.

Erwartbare Konsequenz.”

German Of The Day: Mogelpackung

That means deceptive packaging. And it’s not just in politics either, folks.

Deception

Lots of products get packaged deceptively over here, too. Take these chips, for instance. You get 25 grams less product for the same not-all-that-low price!

Can’t wait to see who wins “Mogelpackung 2016.” The competition never sleeps.

Zu dieser Wahl ruft die Verbraucherzentrale Hamburg auf, die das ganze Jahr über Beispiele für versteckte Preiserhöhungen gesammelt hat. Das Prinzip ist stets das gleiche: In einer Packung ist weniger drin, aber der Preis bleibt unverändert.

German Engineering At Its Finest

Fortschritt durch Technik. That’s Audi’s motto and means progress through technology.

Audi

And their latest advance in defeat device technology is a great step forward in consumer deception indeed.

Audi’s defeat device, camouflaged as a warm-up function, keys in on movements of the steering wheel to detect if the car is in the lab or not. Once in normal traffic, however, this warm-up function is deactivated and the vehicle switches to a higher fuel consumption mode, thus producing more CO2. Brilliant, don’t you think?

Come on, America. Why can’t you produce technology like this? These new fangled electric cars everybody is talking about these days don’t have any of this cool stuff.

So schummelte Audi bei CO² – Mit einer Software sollen Messergebnisse manipuliert worden sein.

Germany To Block Welfare Tourism?

It’s all over now, folks.  What will be next? The next thing you know the Germans will be demanding that Syrian refugees from Pakistan and North Africa enter the country with actual passports.

Welfare

EU citizens who move to Germany without employment are to be denied social welfare for five years, according to the Funke media group. The news chain says draft law curbing entitlements goes to cabinet next week.

And yes, one could do this – up until now, at least.

Ohne Arbeit kein Hartz IV.

Asylum Seekers Go On Vacation In The Land Of Their Persecution

No, not in Germany. Germany is the place where they get the dough to do that.

Vacation

Then they go back to the land of their persecution to vacation. That’s why they were granted asylum here in the first place. No, not to go on vacation in the land of their persecution. To escape the land of their persecution. Is that so hard to understand? They were being persecuted, see? That’s why they came to Germany. To get the asylum. Then, after they get the dough from the Arbeitsagentur, they go back to the land of their persecution. Or some of them do. But only for a short vacation. That’s allowed or something. Or maybe it isn’t. Hard to say for sure.

Do you get it now? No.  I’m not going to repeat that again. And hell no. Of course I didn’t make any of this up. I don’t have to. Are you persecuting me or something?

Asylberechtigte kehren zu Urlaubszwecken vorübergehend in jenes Land zurück, aus dem sie offiziell geflüchtet sind. Die Bundesagentur für Arbeit bestätigte: „Es gibt solche Fälle.“ Offizielle Erhebungen lägen dazu aber nicht vor.