How To Avoid Getting Scolded By A German?

That’s easy. Practice very aggressive social distancing. You know. Like, move to France?

Scold

Have you ever walked on the bicycle lane? Put a refundable bottle into a regular bin? Asked a bus driver how much the ride costs? In Germany, these beginners’ mistakes might earn you a good scold. Here’s how to avoid it…

“The point is not whether they are right or not, it’s that anyone here thinks they’re allowed to educate you.”

German Oddity 177. Germany is what you might call a correcting culture. It is not uncommon for perfect strangers to publically reprimand you here if you do not abide by what is considered the societal norm. Newcomers are usually shocked when discovering that others have no qualms about telling you that you’re doing something wrong, as if you were a small child. If they don’t tell you outright there will at least be a display of disapproving headshaking.

German Of The Day: Bitch

That means bitch.

Buzz

Remember: Germany is the land of Goethe and Schiller. These two guys are Goethe und Schiller 2.0.

How many ex-boyfriends have you already had, bitch?
Look at me, bitch. Look at what a beauty I am. Ten.
Oh my God!

Honey, how many ex-boyfriends do you have, bitch?
I’m much too young. I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend.
Oh my God!
Ra-ta-ta-ta!

Bitch, how many ex-boyfriends do you have?
I don’t have an ex-boyfriend yet, bitch.
Oh my God!

Where’s The Pork?

German oddity 415. The pig is big here. Germans have more pig and sow idioms then wurst varieties – and that’s a whole lot. They also seem to think that any phrase or saying can be improved just by adding the words pig or sow to it, thus making said phrase or saying saugut (sow good or damned fine).

Pork

So what about this German oddity in the news today? After a German day care center in Leipzig decided not to offer pork on its meal plan anymore (gee, I wonder why?) threats started coming in. The police have now decided to guard the place.

And after BILD decided to report about the day care center’s decision the hashtag #Schweinefleisch (pork) reached the number one spot in Germany.

Polizeischutz für Kita ohne Schweinefleisch in Leipzig.

Despair Is In The Air

But there ain’t nothing new about it.

Despair

Germany’s New Politics of Cultural Despair – The Authoritarian Revolt: The New Right and the Decline of the West (a book by Volker Weiss).

Nothing against new takes about how the West is in decline (again? still?) but the West has been in decline for as long as anyone alive can remember, not to mention for as long as a whole bunch of folks who are no longer with us could.

Take Oswald Spengler and his The Decline of the West, for instance – from 1922! Nothing against declination, folks, but how much longer is this decline of the West going to last? As a wise man once said: What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

In modern times, fears of social change and spiritual impoverishment can always tempt the malcontented to imagine that the present is an interregnum destined to yield to a new age of faith and wholeness.

US-Amerika To Penetrate Germany Again Tonight

“They see it as just one more example of American commercial penetration*.”

Halloween

Popular as it is, many people are vehemently against Halloween in their countries, whether it be religious objections or fears of cultural imperialism.

It may be a bit of both in Germany, where 48 percent of respondents in the 2017 YouGov survey said the spooky holiday is a U.S. import that displaces German culture. October 31 is Reformation Day in Germany, and commemorates the day when Martin Luther launched Europe’s Protestant Reformation.

So on that happy note, Happy Halloween everyone! Whatever holiday you might be celebrating tonight.

Fast 50 Prozent der Deutschen glauben, Halloween sei ein US-Import, der die deutsche Kultur gefährde. Fakt ist, dass der Brauch ursprünglich aus Irland stammt.

*Psst. Don’t spoil everybody’s fun by explaining that Halloween originated in Ireland.

Whaddya Mean 501 German Oddities For Only 99 Cents?

Why that’s almost 5.060606060606061 oddities per penny!

Critics

What a steal.

Just ask Marina. If you happen to know her, I mean:

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Limited time offer or something.

PS: Also available at Smashwords, iTunes, etc.

It’s A Cultural Thing

Pakistani-German couple in Darmstadt sentenced to life for killing their daughter

Culture

A Pakistani-German couple has been convicted of killing their daughter on religious grounds after she slept with her boyfriend. The teenager was strangled and dumped in a nearby forest.

In case you didn’t know, this kind of thing is referred to as an “honor” killing.

And by the way, there is no such thing as a life sentence in Germany. Life means fifteen years here.

Lawyers for the defense argued that despite being in Germany for twenty-eight years, the husband was “not properly socialized” in German culture and his wife “had nothing to do with the normal world.”

501 German Oddities For HOW Much?

For only 99 cents? Why, that’s… 5.060606060606061 oddities per cent! A pretty high percentage of oddities there, I’d say. For the penny, I mean.

501 Oddities

And worth every penny, too. Just ask Marina. If you happen to know her, I mean:

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Sale ends next week! So hurry or something.

PS: Also available at Smashwords, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Scribd, etc.

Harrowing Scenes Involving Nazis?

In a Wagner opera? What will they think of next?

Opera

I mean, it’s not like Wagner could ever be accused of having been an anti-Semite or anything.

The Rheinoper, based in Dusseldorf, said some of the audience had to seek medical help following early performances of Tannhauser.

But the producer “refused” to tone down the staging, set in a concentration camp during the Holocaust.

“With paramount concern, we note that some scenes (especially the shooting scene) were depicted very realistically.”

PS: Speaking of needing medical attention, happy Vatertag already!