Category Archives: Hysteria

Green Electricity Threatening Energy Turnaround

June 26, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Yeah, I know. You thought that Germany’s Energiewende (energy turnaround) was synonymous with green or eco-power (I did too). But if you listen to what some scientist types are saying (Rheinisch-Westfälischen Institut für Wirtschaftsforschung or RWI, for instance)–and you won’t, and nobody else will either–the present state of renewable energy in Germany is so clearly deficient and so way too costly (especially when it comes to generating solar energy) that they recommend rethinking the whole big turnaraound thang (not that all that much thinking had gone into it in the first place or anything, that rethinking part was just a figure of speach).

Some of these folks are even starting to call this mess Der große Solarschwindel (The Great Solar Energy Scam). But, like I said, nobody is particularly interested in hearing about things like this. Or do you want the Green Shirts to come knocking on your door one night? And after all, money is no object here. It never is when it isn’t your own.

Es bestehen derzeit in Deutschland so große Defizite in Bezug auf Leitungsbau, Speicherkapazitäten und bei der Vernetzung mit den europäischen Nachbarn, dass es vorerst nicht ratsam erscheint, mit dem Ausbau regenerativer Stromerzeugungskapazitäten fortzufahren.

Stress and the City

June 24, 2011 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

A shocking new study has come to the completely unexpected conclusion that German city dwellers are more “stressed-out” than their country bumpkin counterparts.

Researchers at the Zentralinstitut für seelische Gesundheit (too stressful to translate) found that a certain ganglion of the limbic system adjoining the temporal lobe of the German city brain involved in emotions of fear and aggression (the amygdala) was more fearful and aggressive than your every day German hick’s amygdala is, itself already much more fearful and aggressive than other human amygalas anywhere else in the world you can possibly think of.

“Who would have thought that?” one researcher asked another researcher, brutally shoving him aside in impatient disdain to confront the next one. “I grew up in Berlin and we’re not at all aggressive. That’s a myth. Or it’s just a show. Or do you think you’re big enough to tell me you think that we are?”

Städter erkranken häufiger an Depressionen, Angststörungen, Schizophrenie.

German Recycling Destroying Umwelt

June 23, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Bad consumer! Environmental groups are alarmed and warning that the entire German reusable bottle system as we know it may soon be on the verge of collapse. And it’s all because of you, ihr Flaschen (“you bottles,” a German idiom for losers). You’re recyling the wrong bottles (the plastic ones, these are “bad”).

Horror of horrors or something. Just when Big Green Brother finally got you to robotically return your bottles to the reusable bottle robots located at your local supermarket, like you should, for your own good, you start buying more plastic returnables (thinking that these are as “good” as good old glass ones), causing the share of environmentally friendly bottles in circulation to sink from 70 to 50 percent. If this continues, the whole system will become “unprofitable,” whatever that means.

It seems that Fearless Leader’s five-year plan actually called for a percentage of 80 percent of environmentally friendly bottles to be in circulation so you have all failed miserably and will now have to be reprogrammed at your own cost again so that you know better and start buying the good glass recyclable bottles instead. And returning them to the robots (the machine ones). After you have emptied them, I mean (the bottles). Ah, the hell with it. They’ll explain it all to you better later.

Eine bessere Kennzeichnung und ökologisch differenzierte Steuer werden verlangt.

Soccer Really Is A Woman’s Sport

June 21, 2011 By in Habitudes, History, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Former Germany captain Michael Ballack stepped up his sharp criticism of Germany coach Joachim Loew, saying he had already decided to quit the national team when Loew announced that the player had no future with the side.

The 34-year-old former Chelsea midfielder said on Sunday that he wanted to announce the decision himself.

Ballack and the German football federation (DFB) have been trading barbs ever since Loew made the announcement on Thursday.

Meanwhile…

The octopussies. The men, I mean.

“We agreed that I would make the announcement myself during the summer break.”

Dangerous Facebook Parties Threatening To Undermine Peaceful German State Of Peace And Quietness

June 20, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Unerlaubte (unauthorized) Facebook parties are popping up everywhere these days, shocking the general German public and keeping the nation at an unusually high level of nearly unbearable anxiety again already.

Many are beginning to ask themselves how something like is this is even conceivable, much less possible in a constitutional democracy.

In a recent incident, for instance, all a German Facebook user had to do was announce to everyone on Facebook that a Facebook party in Wuppertal had gone Facebook public and some 800 rowdy Facebook party makers (with Facebook police escort) soon descended upon the unsuspecting village inhabitants, reeking of beer and wreaking Facebook havoc in the process (the rowdies, not the villagers).

To save Facebook face, authorities are now considering the possiblity of forbidding Facebook Parties everywhere forever (don’t worry, they’ll announce it on Facebook first). Popular support is guaranteed.

Genau das macht Facebook-Partys so gefährlich: Es ist nicht nur völlig unklar, wie viele Teilnehmer kommen, es ist vor allem schwer zu kalkulieren, wer dem Aufruf folgt.

Skippy is approaching the Hauptstadt!

June 17, 2011 By in Habitudes, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Germans are always finding wild animals that don’t belong in their natural German habitat. It’s just what they do.

The other day it was racoon attacks in the Government Quarter. Last October it was a mysterious black panther monster in Trier. Then there are the obligitory annual alligator/crocodile sightings. Now it’s a freakin’ kangaroo in Brandenburg.

I’m still waiting for the pink elephants, though. What is it with this Extrawurst (being something special) mentality here? Why can’t they just tell fish stories and get abducted by aliens like everybody else does?

Die Spur verlor sich dann. Es gebe bisher keine Hinweise, woher das Tier stammt oder wem es gehört.

A Country Named Sue

June 14, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

You sue, I sue, we all do (sue). And here I thought Germany was the land of Konsens (consensus – not common sense). At least when it comes to doing this nuclear phaseout thang, I mean. Fooled again.

OK, it is logical and predictable that Germany’s power companies now have hurt feelings and are preparing to take legal action against the government’s decision to shut down their nuclear power plants because, well, the government is shutting down their nuclear power plants.

But what about all the thousands of lawsuits being prepared by power-line, wind energy and other regional resistance group apponents the nation over set to flood the lawsuit market once these big honkin’ power-line thingies start going up? You know, the power-lines that will transport the good offshore wind farm energy from the north to the bad industrial south?

Why can’t we (as in you) learn to live together in simple peace and harmony? Now that the nuclear power dragon has finally been slain, I mean. Come on, folks. Join hands, form a circle, sit down and talk.

Specifically, they will invoke Article 14 of the German constitution, which addresses the question of whether the companies’ assets are being expropriated, and if they are therefore entitled to compensation. After that, the amount of compensation would be negotiated in civil courts. According to internal calculations, the industry envisions a potential sum of €20 billion ($29 billion). The burden would ultimately fall on taxpayers.

“Frau am Steuer…das wird teuer!”

June 12, 2011 By in Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

“A woman at the wheel, that’ll cost you!”

Who would have thought that? According to Germany’s Federal Agency for Electricity, the German electricity grid is in a thoroughly chaotic condition these days. No one can explain why. And the cost of purchasing needed electricity (nuclear generated) at the European Energy Exchange has already gone up 10 percent and further increases are expected to follow soon. It’s bizarre. It’s almost as if some crazy person had shut down eight nuclear power plants here or something.

Yup, Angie Merkel’s Fukushima-driven German angst Atomaustieg (nuclear phase-out) may have indeed been absolutely necessary and of critical urgency (opinion polls, folks, you gots to give the people what they want), but hysteria does have its price. Even in Germany, I mean. But who cares? I know the Germans pretty well and I am convinced that they are all going to be more than willing to pay radically higher electricity bills in order to avoid the, uh, tsunami threat on the home front.

What I really don’t understand is the economics at play here. There is clearly an overabundance of hysteria in this country, right? Shouldn’t that make the price of hysteria, like, cheaper or something? I’d ask an economist but you know how the adage goes: For every economist there is an equal and opposite economist.

“Das Bundeskartellamt erwartet als Folge des Atomausstiegs steigende Strompreise. An der Strombörse sind die Preise bereits um zehn Prozent gestiegen.”

American Imports Now Ravaging German Government Quarter Itself

June 8, 2011 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , 5 Comments

Now I know the real reason why Angie Merkel went to Washington (nobody else around here seems to know why). Racoon attacks are up in Germany again and she wants Schadenersatz (damages).

And not only that, a “terror racoon” (that’s him up there) has even been sighted in Berlin’s Regierungsviertel itself and has been causing residents who live near Schloss Bellevue lots of Stress (stress). He likes messing with their garbage or something.

Boy I tell you back in the day when there was a wall around this city animals like that knew their place and it wasn’t here.

Mehr als 20.000 verschiedene Tier- und Pflanzenarten gibt es inzwischen in der Hauptstadt.

The Green Plague (Another Green Shirt Terror Post)

June 6, 2011 By in Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Now it’s tainted German sprouts that have caused the deadly E. coli (Ehec) outbreak (but remember, the source of the outbreak seems to change here every few hours–ask Spanish organic cucumber farmers). Sprouts? That’s another one of them there green organic foods, ain’t it?

Anyway, one German Spiegel reader who goes by the name of alex300 is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore. I feel his pain and stuff. He writes:

“What have we learned from the organic crisis?

1. That green organic farmers can cause more damage than Chernobyl and Fukushima together. How many deaths have been attributed to Fukushima? Just one worker who died of a heart attack. How many deaths do we have to thank for the green organic madness? More than 2000 contaminated by health stores and organic sprouts, about 1000 of them with irreparable brain and kidney damage, and 21 dead.

2. That biogas plants are much more dangerous than nuclear reactors. An atomic reactor can contaminate a 30 km area around it, max. The multiresistant bacteria that breed in biogas plants can wipe out all of humanity.

No power to the green organic plague!”

I hope alex300 is feeling better now. I sure do. For now.

Was haben wir aus der Biokrise gelernt?

1. Die grünen Biobauer können viel mehr schaden anrichten als Tschernobyl und  Fukushima zusammen. Wie viele Tote hat Fukushima verschuldet? Nur einen Arbeiter, der an einem Herzinfarkt verstarb. Wie viele Tote haben wir dank dem grünen Biowahn? Mehr als 2000 verseuchten durch Reformhäuser und Biosprossen, ca. 1000 mit irreparablen Hirn- und Nierenschäden und 21 Toten.

2. Die Biogasanlagen sind wesentlich gefährlicher als die AKWs. Ein AKW kann maximal 30 km Umgebung gefährlich verseuchen. Die multiresistenten Bakterien, die in Biogasanlagen brüten, können die ganze Menschheit auslöschen.

Keine Macht der grünen Bioseuche!