Erfurt, Winnenden, Lörrach…

It’s a German ritual, and it kind of goes like this: After every crazy shooting in Germany by German crazies the German Waffengesetz (gun control law) gets tightened up tighter, even though it was tighter than tight to begin with.

It will get tightened up this time too, I suppose. And then, when the next crazy goes berzerk, you guessed it. That there is no connection here between the Waffengesetz and psycho-criminal acts carried out by psycho-criminal people is never addressed, of course.

It’s never addressed because that would be in bad taste and disturb the ritual, aimed as it is at giving people the deceptive feeling of having some kind of control over a situation they have no control over. It’s magic, sort of. Only it doesn’t work. People who go berserk will always find the weapon they need, Waffengesetz or not.

Obwohl das deutsche Waffengesetz nach den Amokläufen von Erfurt und von Winnenden schon verschärft wurde, obwohl auch das verschärfte Waffengesetz die Tat von Lörrach nicht verhindern konnte; die Debatte um ein restriktiveres Waffenrecht wird ein weiteres Mal geführt.

German trade with Iran still wunderbar

“Reports indicate Germany’s exports to Iran have reached near the two-billion Euros mark in the first half of 2010.”

“The figure represents a 14 percent rise in Iranian imports from Europe’s largest economy, compared to the same period last year.”

Bei deutschen Behörden und der Industrie stoßen die Pläne der EU-Kommission auf Empörung. Dort werden die Sanktionen gegen Iran als zu massiv und unprofessionell gewertet.

How can Muslims speak this way about Islam?

And not get listened to, I mean. Forget Sarrazin. More Muslim eggheads like this guy, please.

“In a sense, Islam is like a drug, like alcohol. A small amount can have a healing and inspiring effect, but when the believer reaches for the bottle of dogmatic faith in every situation, it gets dangerous. This high-proof form of Islam is what I’m talking about. It harms the individual and damages society. It inhibits integration, because this Islam divides the world into friends and enemies, into the faithful and the infidels.”

“I don’t like that expression (Islamophobe). A person who has a phobia is someone who harbors fantasies. But the dangers posed by Islamists are real.”

“You accuse your fellow Muslims of continuing to search for scapegoats.” “Yes, instead of seeking faults within themselves. Perhaps the process I experienced is the process Islam needs as a whole, namely that everyone looks at themselves critically and stops constantly blaming others for their own misery and feeling like a victim.”

“There are 1.4 billion Muslims. So what? The important thing is that in almost all countries with a Muslim majority, we see the decline of civilization and a stagnation of all forms of life. Islam has no convincing answers to the challenges of the 21st century. It is in intellectual, moral and cultural decline — a doomed religion, without self-awareness and without any options to act.”

“whenever Muslims seek to introduce Islamic studies into European schools or try to obtain nonprofit status for an Islamic organization, there is always talk of one Islam. The minute someone attacks the faith, they resort to a trick to stifle the criticism and disingenuously ask: Which Islam are you talking about?”

“My dream, in fact, is an enlightened Islam, without Sharia law and without jihad, without gender apartheid, proselytizing and the mentality of entitlement. A religion that is open to criticism and questions.”

“Most so-called reformers of Islam remind me of the band on the Titanic, which kept on playing even as the ship was sinking, so as to give the passengers the illusion of normalcy. The underlying problems are not addressed.”

“You criticize Muslims as a group for taking offence quickly and even savoring it. You have accused European liberal leftists of pursuing a “policy of appeasement” toward Islam. Why do you, as an academic, sometimes enjoy being the provocateur in a similar fashion to Sarrazin?” “You have to state your opinions clearly if you want to be heard. There are plenty of apologists for Islam.”

We’re not clearing any Roma settlements!

You must have misunderstood me or something, Nico.

Germany would never clear Roma and Sinti settlements. But that’s only because they don’t exist here. We send our Roma back individually. And very quietly. Got about 12,000 to go. So pipe it down about that from now on, will ya?

Nach Angaben des Bundesinnenministeriums wurden in diesem Jahr bis Ende Juli 102 Roma in den Kosovo ausgewiesen.

Germans at 87%

My, this really is significant. The Germans have finally come down from the mid to high 90s (no, not the temperature – or not precisely, anyway). I mean the Obama Worship Index or whatever the hell you call it. The rest of Europe brings the average down a bit lower to 78%, but still.

Wow. Who would have ever thought that? Finally, a real news item. The survey says: “Obama far more popular in Europe than America.” I had no idea. Uh, been there, done that, haven’t we?

And of course there are bound to be reasons for why this is so back home, but nobody over here would be particularly interested in those reasons because, well, “Obama far more popular in Europe than America.” And the bad stuff can still be attributed to Bush anyway, right? I don’t believe that there’s a statute of limitations on that one.

Obama’s approval rating stands at an enviable 78% among them, compared to a more mediocre 52% among the US public.

Jubiläumswiesnbier?

Go ahead. Say that ten times really fast.

My oh my, it seems just like yesterday that the Oktoberfest began. 200 years ago, I mean.

And to honor this hallowed event, and to be able to charge even more than usual for the stuff, six rival Bavarian breweries are calling a beer truce to brew a speciel brew in beer-heavenly peace and love and justice together forever amen; that there Jubiläumswiesnbier thing mentioned up there.

The top-secret recipe being used will produce an “amber-colored special beer full-bodied in taste with a flowery malt aroma” and a beer, with an alcohol content of 6 percent, that’ll also knock your Ding in the dirt. But it’s all in the name of tradition, people, OK? Like, it took 200 years to get here, you know?

Even though the Oktoberfest tradition is 200 years old this year, the festival is only being held for the 177th time because it was cancelled on 24 occasions in times of war and during two cholera outbreaks in the 19th century.

SPD: If we throw him out then this will solve Germany’s integration problems

This is quite a bold and particularly stupid move on the part of the SPD, but hey, somebody over there has got to do it, I guess.

Normally more than ready, willing and able to follow the slightest whims and moods of potential voters (this being one of the main reasons so many of their voters have abandoned them and put them in the unspeakably bad position they are in), the Brain Police wing of the SPD lack-of-leadership will now go ahead and expel their all too outspoken commrade Thilo Sarazzin for expressing controvsial views about Germany’s Muslim immigrant community that a large majority of the German population shares (I happen to believe that this majority is actually much larger than most Germans think or will admit to, by the way, but maybe that’s just me).

Das ist gut so (and that’s a good thing too) because the SPD was actually showing signs of life as of late and even getting cocky and picking up in the polls in recent weeks (there’s nowhere to go but up when you’re on the bottom) but now they’ve gotten tired of patting themselves on their collective back(s), so there we have it. It’s time to head back down to the Keller again and rest their collective arm(s) a bit or something.

“Wir können in der SPD nicht alles dulden.”

“Thank you for travelling with Deutsche Bahn”

And now, for the rest of you out there rolling your eyes at the conductor’s English, he’ll start speaking your lingo again. And he won’t have to sound so friendly-like all the time either.

Everyone is relieved it seems (me included) at the Bahn’s plan to reduce the number of their annoying announcements – in English. They will now only be, uh, announcing them on trains and at stations where international travellers are more likely to be (so they can better figure out together what the hell it was the announcer just said?). They won’t be talking English at folks on trains going to Kleksdorf or Entenhausen anymore, in other words.

It’s not so much that these folks don’t always speak English that well you know, it’s just that they won’t stop speaking it. Back to the future, I say – I mean past, at last.

Eingeführt hatte der bundeseigene Konzern die englischen Durchsagen – über deren Aussprache sich manch ein Passagier auch amüsierte – auf Schienen und an größeren Stationen 2006 zur Fußball-Weltmeisterschaft in Deutschland.

Fake fakes not the original fakes

Konrad Kujau is the only original in this story, folks. Remember him? He’s the forger who authored those hilarious Hitler Diaries way back when. You know, the ones with the wrong initials on the cover?

Anyway, a woman in Dresden claiming to be his great niece has topped him, sort of, by having been given a two-year suspended sentence for forging his (the forger’s) signature on forgeries of masterpieces that weren’t forged by him (they were Asian import forgeries) and then selling them for the genuine amount of €300,000.

Though clearly marked as fakes, Kujau’s newfound fame meant that people were willing to pay up to €3,500 for his work.