We’re Prepared To Fend Off Cyber Attacks From Russia And China

But nobody told us here at Germany’s Cyber Defense Command that we would also have to be on our toes for a twenty-year-old student  living with his parents in Hesse.

Hacker

Now it’s a whole new ballgame. We’ll need a lot more personnel. And way lots more funding (tax payer money). Government in action over here is pretty much like government in action back home, folks. You hardly notice when it’s here. You hardly notice when it’s gone.

German authorities on Tuesday said a 20-year-old hacker had confessed to stealing and leaking private data from hundreds of politicians, including Chancellor Angela Merkel, because he was “annoyed” by some of their public statements.

The young German, who is still studying and lives with his parents, was detained after police searched the family home in the western state of Hesse on Sunday.

“The accused said he published the data because he had been annoyed by certain statements made by those affected.”

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“Alarming… But Not Surprising”

Massive cyber attacks affect the German Bundestag and other government agencies on a regular basis here. Nobody cares. Just have the press officer read his prepared statement about how nothing important was stolen and ab ins Wochenende (off to the weekend)!

hackers

Personal data and documents from hundreds of German politicians and public figures have been published online, in what appears one of the most far-reaching cyber attacks in a country that has become a target of choice for hackers.

It was unclear if the breach, which triggered an emergency meeting of the national cyber defense agency, was the result of a hack or a leak, an Interior Ministry spokesman said.

Chancellor Angela Merkel was affected, but an initial analysis showed no sensitive material from her office was released, said a government spokeswoman.

If the data release does stem from a hack, it would be the latest in a number of hi-tech assaults on political institutions and key individuals in Germany.

Last year, lawmakers said a powerful cyber attack breached the foreign ministry’s computer network.

“Whoever is responsible, wants to intimidate politicians. That will not succeed.”

Acute Threat Now Just A Cute Threat

A senior German politician has confirmed today that hackers have been able to collect confidential information from Germany’s government network.

Cyberattack

He quickly stressed, however, that this information was expressly labeled confidential and he is therefore quite confident that the hackers won’t read it.

“Confidential means in confidence, after all,” he said. “So when one indicates confidentiality it imparts that this information is a private, even a secret matter. Intimate even, although we certainly don’t have any of that kind of material in our network. Strictly forbidden, you know. So why would one who is not in confidence read confidential information? Would you? Of course not. I wouldn’t, either. I just wouldn’t have the confidence to do so. Well, it’s been a long week everybody. Have a nicer weekend!”

According to reports in German media, the hackers focused their attack on the foreign ministry, which in the view of some lawmakers would suggest a foreign intelligence agency as the orchestrator of the hacking operation.

Bundeswehr CIS

No, not CIS as in Crininal Investigative Service. That’s CIS as in Cyber and Information Space Command.

CIS

That’s the name of Germany’s new “cyber commando” group, some 260 crack nerd troops who have now begun defending their country against cyber attacks (over 284,000 such attacks were registered during the first nine weeks of this year alone, according to the German defense ministry). As soon as they get funding for computers and other cyber stuff like that, that is (this is the Bundeswehr after all).

IT specialists have cast doubt over the ability of the Bundeswehr as currently configured to keep up: its procurement processes are notoriously slow, for example. It will need to show itself to be much more flexible and agile in future.

Russia Trying To Destabilize Germany But Germany Still Way Better

Germans were shocked upon learning today that Russia is trying to destabilize German society with propaganda and cyber attacks ahead of next year’s general election, many fearing that the unwanted foreign competition could stifle their own government’s efforts to do the same.

Russia

“The Russians should mind their own damned business and concentrate on destabilizing their own society,” one irate commentator said. “We have the will, the means, the experience and the elected and non-elected officials to do so on our own, thank you. And we’re talking ‘made in Germany’ quality here, people. So go take a flying leap at a rolling pirozhki already.”

The warning was the bluntest public claim yet from Germany’s BfV agency about Moscow’s alleged campaign of disinformation and hacking targeting Europe’s biggest economy.

Call Of Duty Gamer Accidentally Takes Over German Missile Battery

Or he’s just that good. Apparently the same guy who ruined the Bundestag’s computer network last month, an overzealous German Call of Duty gamer has now managed to get a German Patriot missile battery stationed in Turkey to carry out several strange and “unexplained” orders.

Patriot

One of them was for pizza, too, I bet.

“I don’t think it’s actually happened, which is not to say that some of these systems are not hackable in some way. It is possible in some way perhaps to detect the presence of it, but anything more than that is going to take some serious skills.”

Cyber warfare in action already

Damn. They just unleashed these guys and they’ve already hacked into the Interior Minister’s website? He’s a data security kind of guy, get it?

 

 Nice job if you can hack it.

 

I told you so. I just knew that the Germans were going to be good at this cyber warfare stuff. It looks like it’s time to change your password, Herr Minister.

 

„Ein Hacker hat den Internetauftritt des CDU-Politikers geentert und dort Werbung gemacht: für mehr Datenschutz und gegen die von Schäuble befürwortete Vorratsdatenspeicherung.“