We Will Hold Germany Ransom For… One Million Dollars!

I mean one TRILLION dollars, of course. No, I mean euros.

EU BOMBSHELL: Poland and Greece demand €1TRILLION from Germany for Nazi WW2 payback.

PRESSURE is growing on Germany to cough up over a trillion euros to European countries for the damage caused by Adolf Hitler’s Nazis during World War 2.

“Right, people you have to tell me these things, okay? I’ve been frozen for thirty years, okay? Throw me a frickin’ bone here! I’m the boss! Need the info.”

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Germans Never Lose Their Heads

They pay up first.

German Hostages

Seeing German heads cut off by ISIS and Co. or anybody else out there would never do as it could lead an already nervous German citizenry into thinking that they might be part of the real world after all. And that could lead to dire consequences indeed.

The German government is sure to deny having paid any ransom here, of course. This is sound policy because not to have denied paying ransom to terrorists after having paid ransom to terrorists would only encourage these and other terrorists to take even more hostages, most likely hostages from other countries where ransom is not paid for hostages, and then kill these non-German hostages later once that ransom has not been paid.

Die zwei entführten Deutschen auf den Philippinen sind nach Berichten eines lokalen Radiosenders frei. Das von den Terroristen geforderte Lösegeld sei gezahlt worden.

Time For The Next Lösegeld Payment

You know, ransom? And this time the German government will be paying to get back two Salifists.

Iraq

ISIS is holding two German hostages in Syria they now see as being traitors. It seems these two fun-loving extremists felt the calling and flew down south to help the ISIS cause only to be shocked by the atrocities their ISIS heros commit (it wasn’t like this on the video game). They have now expressed their keen desire to leave the real world and return back home to Theme Park Germany.

Die beiden Personen sollen frühere Salafisten sein, die nach Gräueltaten des IS nach Deutschland zurückkehren wollten.

German Of The Day: Lösegeld

That means ransom.

Terror

You know, like the ransom Germany just paid IS terrorists in Syria to free a 27 year-old German who wandered down there “not being aware of the threat posed there now by the ‘Islamic State.'”

The German government officially denies having paid the ransom, of course, but they have a long tradition of doing this. Paying the ransom and then denying that they did, I mean. And this is a very sound policy, I find, because by doing so they never have to deny that paying ransom to terrorists for German hostages only encourages them to take other hostages and then kill them later when the ransom is not paid.

Zahlte Deutschland Lösegeld? Does a bear scheißt in the woods?

Me No Steal Golden Cookie

And me no negotiate with cookie terrorists, either, if I were you.

Cookie

Das Unternehmen stellte in Aussicht, 52 000 Packungen Leibniz Kekse an 52 soziale Einrichtungen zu spenden, sollte das von der Fassade des Stammhauses gestohlene Wahrzeichen wieder auftauchen.