Yacht To Have Docked It Someplace Else

That oligarch was really cruising for a bruising. Take a bow, Germany. Looks like there will be a sail on megayachts in Hamburg soon…

European authorities seize oligarch’s megayacht in German port – Authorities in Germany have seized Russian oligarch Alisher Usmanov’s 500-foot megayacht, the Dilbar, as part of the package of sanctions against the Kremlin and its supporters, Forbes magazine reported.

The ship was taken by authorities in the north German port of Hamburg on Wednesday. The megayacht is estimated to be worth $600 million.

Did You Sea That?

Water are you still doing here?

Buoy, I’d get out of there if I were you! But don’t be upset when you go to the back of the boat and the captain gives you a stern look.

You bunch of ferries.

Storm Ylenia: Three injured after a huge wave smashes through ferry windows in Hamburg, Germany.

This Is Tree-Hugger Treason!

Or treeson, I should say. What? They’re already ready to give up after a mere six years and just… leaf?

Tree

German police confront treehouse activists after six-year standoff – Hundreds of police officers have descended on a patch of forest in western Germany occupied by activists living in treehouses, in an escalation of a long-running environmental battle.

Dozens of protesters have occupied 60 treehouses, some as high as 25 metres off the ground, since 2012 in an attempt to protect the ancient Hambach forest from being felled to make way for the expansion of an open-pit coalmine.

Why, I’m shocked. Wood you believe it? And they were doing such a treemendous job up there, too. What do they do now? Look for a new branch of work?

Polizei holt ersten Hambach-Aktivisten von Plattform.

Must Have Been The Reds

Who threw those tomatoes at Angela Merkel, I mean.

Tomatoes

They were probably just trying to catsup in the polls.

“Well, whoever did it,” one guy said. “I love you from my head tomatoes.”

Lettuce pray that doesn’t happen again.

German police say they’re investigating who threw two tomatoes at Chancellor Angela Merkel during an election campaign event in the southwestern city of Heidelberg. Police spokesman David Faulhaber told The Associated Press on Wednesday the tomatoes came from a group of hecklers on the sidelines. Witnesses Tuesday said they had been yelling things like “hypocrite” and “traitor to the people” in apparent criticism of Merkel’s migrant policies.

PS: What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

It’s Time To Get Outer Ear

Boy oh boy. Drunken tourists these days (this story is really earie, folks).

Ear

Berlin police say a 43-year-old Norwegian tourist is in custody after biting off part of the ear of a man who tried to break up a fight between him and a dark-skinned German passenger he’d allegedly taunted as being a terrorist.

Police said Monday the intoxicated tourist started the fight Sunday night on a regional train in Berlin, accusing the other passenger in English of being a terrorist and asking if he had a bomb.

I guess they’re going to charge him with a misdemeanear now. And why the hell didn’t the train’s enginear step in?

Tourist beißt Streitschlichter einen Teil des Ohrs ab.

Many Germans Feeling Ill Already

Germany will legalise medical cannabis in early 2017.

Pot

Now the government just has to figure out how to grow the stuff – The ultimate goal of German health authorities is to grow medical marijuana on German soil at specially approved sites.

It is a high art, after all. And knowing how our half-baked buds in government regularly blow things sky high, the whole thing might just end up going to pot. I bet you it’s going to toke them forever to sucseed, in other words.

Um die Versorgung mit Cannabis in kontrollierter Qualität sicherzustellen, will die Regierung den Anbau der Droge zu medizinischen Zwecken unter staatlicher Kontrolle ermöglichen. Über den Anbau wacht das Bundesinstitut für Arzneimittel und Medizinprodukte.

Boaring

Like what’s the pig deal? I guess you could say I am disgruntled, folks.

Pig

Sow what do you mean that some politicians in Schleswig-Holstein want pork products removed from “cafes, daycare centers and state schools across the state to prevent offending Muslims?”

Well, I’m with some of their reactionary colleagues who are now campaigning to make pork mandatory in public canteens and schools there.

I’m rooting for them, so-to-speak. One should never truffle with tradition.

Dienstag ist Schwienstag. Die Geschichte einer vermeidbaren Sauerei.

WN85R

That’s the top secret coupon code for a FREE COPY of the highly acclaimed Smashwords ebook The Little Red Book: Of Little-Read Jokes about the Enlightened Left, which I can also highly recommend as I did the highly acclaiming part, too.

The Little Red Book

This FREE GIVEAWAY ends on February 15, 2016, which is also top secret.

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You didn’t get any of this from me.

To Pee Or Not To Pee

(In Germany) That is the question. Standing up, I mean.

Pee

And the next German court has just made its standpoint clear. They’re still on our side, men. Standing. Because they won’t stand for us having to roll over dead by sitting down like that. But how long can we keep going like this?

Gee wizz. Bladder enjoy it now while we still can because let’s face it, pal: Urine danger. So hang in there.

A court in Germany has once again ruled in favor of a man’s right to urinate while standing up after his landlord demanded money for damage to the bathroom floor.

This Gives “Please Keep Off The Grass” A Whole New Meaning

More budding crime in Kreuzberg. I bet the Greens planted this stuff. Or maybe some other dope. What a bunch of crackpots.

Pot

Kreuzberg is a really seedy district, you know. And these weren’t even potted plants. They just found this stuff among the weeds.  I tell you, this town is really going to pot…

I got a million of ’em, folks!

Dass in Berlin-Kreuzberg öffentlich ein Joint geraucht wird, ist nichts Besonderes. Aber bei mehreren hundert Cannabis-Pflanzen auf einer öffentlichen Grünanlage wird dann selbst in Berlin die Polizei aktiv.