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Tag Archives: Jokes
Germans Stingy With Their Organs Too
Even after they’re dead, I mean.
Organ donations have dropped sharply in Germany following a scandal over alleged corruption at several transplant clinics. The German Foundation for Organ Transplantation says the number of organs donated fell almost 13 percent to 3,917 last year, the lowest figure in a decade.
Which reminds me of a joke…
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.
The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use.
One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident.
The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane.
The third is a hospital administrator who just died after 30 years of service at a large medical center.”
“I’ll take the administrator’s heart,” said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. “It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”
The New York Times Must Be Hurting Even More Than We Thought
Wow. Front page material even (online): Cindy aus Marzahn herself.
An overweight 6-foot-2-inch Valkyrie of a woman in a pink velour sweatsuit, Cindy plays up the worst stereotypes of Germany’s contemporary version of the welfare queen. She wakes up at 2 o’clock in the afternoon and begins drinking. Her dream man, Enrico, stands 4-foot-10, weighs 375 pounds and works as a bouncer.
Critics call her act offensive, lowbrow and worse, mixing high-minded attacks on her with patronizing depictions of her supposedly benighted fans.
“I have Alzheimer’s bulimia,” Cindy likes to say. “I eat everything in sight and then forget to throw up.”
This Still Doesn’t Beat Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize
But it comes close.
Many euroskeptics clearly just don’t get it. Of course the Norwegian Nobel Committee’s decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to the European Union is “beyond parody,” “laughable” and an “April Fool’s Joke.” That’s been the whole point of the thing for years now.
Hasn’t it?
In Britain, Friday’s award has been the subject of particularly heated commentary. Iain Martin, a columnist with the conservative Daily Telegraph dismissed the prize as “beyond parody.” He writes that the prize has been awarded prematurely because “we have no idea how the experiment to create an anti-democratic federation will end.” Besides, he writes, “daftest of all is the notion that the EU itself has kept the peace.” Instead, he writes, it was the Brits and the Americans who brought peace to the Continent.
Even the EU-friendly Economist columnist Charlemagne writes, “Hmmm,” questioning the timing of the award, given that the EU is currently threatened with a break-up.
“I got a million of them, folks!”
“Europe and Germany have no better partner than America,” German Chancellor Angela Merkel said as she opened her transatlantic alliance comedy routine at the White House last night. “Wish I could say it was the same the other way around, too!”
“Ha, ha. Do you know how many Germans it takes to change a light bulb? Zero. After shutting down eight nuclear power plants we don’t need to change them anymore.”
“Hey, did you hear the one about these two Greeks working in a bank office? The one guy tells the other one that there`s a German debt collector waiting outside. The other guy says: Then tell him to get his ass in here and take that pile on my desk.”
“How many gears would a German tank have if it were to accidently take part in a UN-backed military action in Libya which Germany would most certainly have obstained from voting for in the Security Council beforehand? Five. Four reverse and one foward, just in case the enemy were to attack from the rear!”
“You’ve been wonderful, folks. See you tomorrow night! Drive carefully. Unless it’s a Benz, I mean.”
Observing Hermann 