Germany And USA Divided Over How Best Not To Do Anything In Ukraine

Although President Obama just went out of his way to stress that Russia’s aggression against Ukraine only reinforces the unity of the US and Europe to not do anything about it, Chancellor Merkel’s visit to Washington today nevertheless made clear once again just how wide their views differ when it comes down to the how-not-to-do-anything-about-it part.

Ukraine

Washington, on the one hand, prefers talking about maybe sending weapons someday perhaps but let’s not rush into things because these are weapons we’re talking about here after all people while Merkel, for her part, categorically rejects the idea of sending weapons that are never going to be sent anyway, preferring instead more negotiations about negotiations with whoever feels like negotiating about anything at anytime anywhere, stressing here how crucial it was “that the West stand up for Ukraine,” provided, of course, that this remain a purely figurative expression devoid of anything that could even remotely be interpreted as meaning “like actually standing up for Ukraine or anything.”

“If we give up this principle of territorial integrity of countries, then we will not be able to maintain the peaceful order of Europe.”

Germans Concerned That Obama Maybe Could Might Not Be Reelected Doch Nicht (After All) Perhaps

Germans everywhere are all aflutter these days at the prospect of their United States President maybe not being automatically reelected after all, like which ought to be selbstverständlich (understood) or something but isn’t irgendwie (somehow).

German political scientists have namely just discovered that the unemployment rate in the US of Obama is well over 8 percent (and has been during the entire Obama administration), poverty levels are way up (3.6 million more Americans live off state support than before he entered office), the rate of founding new companies is at a thirty year low, government spending and debt have risen to incredible levels and the economy will simply not kick into gear, with no recovery or White House plan to change any of this in sight (and with no George W. Bush in sight to blame anymore, either).

Otherwise though, Obama is still the perfect guy for the job. So alles wird gut (everything will fall into place), they HOPE (way cool slogan from somebody a few years back).

Gouverneur Martin O’Malley geriet in Verlegenheit. Ob es den Menschen besser gehe als vor vier Jahren, wollte ein Reporter von dem demokratischen Gouverneur Marylands wissen. “Nein”, hatte O’Malley geantwortet.

“I got a million of them, folks!”

“Europe and Germany have no better partner than America,” German Chancellor Angela Merkel said as she opened her transatlantic alliance comedy routine at the White House last night. “Wish I could say it was the same the other way around, too!”

“Ha, ha. Do you know how many Germans it takes to change a light bulb? Zero. After shutting down eight nuclear power plants we don’t need to change them anymore.”

“Hey, did you hear the one about these two Greeks working in a bank office? The one guy tells the other one that there`s a German debt collector waiting outside. The other guy says: Then tell him to get his ass in here and take that pile on my desk.”
 
“How many gears would a German tank have if it were to accidently take part in a UN-backed military action in Libya which Germany would most certainly have obstained from voting for in the Security Council beforehand? Five. Four reverse and one foward, just in case the enemy were to attack from the rear!”

“You’ve been wonderful, folks. See you tomorrow night! Drive carefully. Unless it’s a Benz, I mean.”