What prevented the token woman from getting her diet coke from the soda machine?
She didn’t have enough quotas to pay for it.
Germany has taken a step toward requiring what has not happened voluntarily: putting women on the management boards of the country’s largest companies.
On Wednesday, Germany’s cabinet approved a draft law that would require stock exchange-listed companies with executive boards of more than three members to have at least one woman and one man on those boards.
Personally, I find that calling someone a “cannibal” is politically incorrect and highly offensive. These days, one should refer to them as “humanitarians.”
German police have arrested a 41-year-old man on suspicion of cannibalism after they found human bones stripped completely of flesh in a Berlin suburb.
Berlin prosecutors said Friday they are “investigating at full speed to shed light on the sexual murder with suspicion of a cannibalistic background”.
PS: What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder.
What do you mean? Berlin’s party joke phantom airport may be opening after all?
Too bad I didn’t keep our plane tickets from 2012 as souvenirs. They showed us departing from Los Angeles (LAX) and arriving at Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER), which was just about to open. But the launch, already delayed the previous year, was again called off at the last minute. So we landed instead at the charming but small Tegel airport (TXL) that dates back to the early Cold War…
To pessimists, BER symbolizes Germany’s bad developments. Its highly publicized bureaucratic and engineering fiascoes have dented the country’s former reputation — not always entirely flattering — of being relentlessly meticulous and punctual. The subtext is that Germany, whether it’s building airports or algorithms, is increasingly leaving economic dynamism to others, especially China.
To optimists, this too is part of Germany’s long historical arc to “normality.” Germans today are more relaxed about their national identity and place in the world than they’ve ever been. That explains why they’ve also been nonchalant about BER’s travails. The truth is, many Germans have secretly been savoring the airport headlines as a font of gossip. Many an awkward dinner party has been saved by boozy debates about whether humans would set foot on Mars before disembarking at BER, or whether it would be more cost-effective to rebuild the capital near a working airport.
That’s about as seductive as it’s going to get.
At the German foreign office.
German foreign office sorry for #SeduceSomeoneInFourWords tweet – Germany’s foreign office has apologised for tweeting a joke about its visa application process being seductive.
The joke was based on the trending hashtag #SeduceSomeoneInFourWords, where Twitter users come up with four words that could spark romance.
The @GermanyDiplo Twitter account tacked on the hashtag to its tweet: “Your visa got approved.”
The joke was deleted hours later and a second tweet admitted that humour was “not always our strong suit.”
Just in case you didn’t know, Germans have this thing with patatoes. That’s why a group of German agi-taters lobbied to make August 19 Potato Day.
I guess that makes the rest of us speck-taters.
Not that I’m complaining or anything, I’m just a commen-tater, folks.
The Germans’ insatiable love affair with potatoes – They were once guarded by the king and are sometimes eaten with apple sauce. For Potato Day on August 19, here are some things you maybe didn’t know about potatoes in Germany…
By the way, how can you tell how fast a German potato is going? Check its spud-ometer.
Berlin is already teeming with last-mile mobility options like shared bikes and e-scooters.
Now the city’s public transport company Berliner Verkehrsbetriebe (BVG) is set to add driverless buses to the mix, testing its first autonomous shuttles on a public road this month.
The BVG has been testing the self-driving bus, developed by French company EasyMile, in the confines of a campus for the past year. This month it will face real-world traffic conditions on a 600 metre stretch from an underground station in the north-western part of the capital.
OK, folks. The key term here is BVG (Berliner Verkehrsbetriebe), the city’s public transport company. The joke around town is that BVG actually stands for Bin Vorsichtshalber Gelaufen or “decided to walk, just in case.” They’re not terribly reliable here, you see.
How could anyone possibly make a joke about gender-neutral bathrooms?
Or hipsters? Or German men who sit down when they pee? None of that is the slightest bit funny. Especially not during the Karnival season. I’m empört (outraged).
In the segment, which aired on public broadcaster SWR, a festively-dressed Kramp-Karrenbauer pokes fun at Berlin’s hipster reputation, saying that the “latte macchiato faction” has “installed third-gender bathrooms” in cafés. She goes on to say that gender-neutral bathrooms are “for the men who can’t decide if they want to sit or stand when they pee.”
“Natürlich ist eine Entschuldigung fällig.”
Available on December 26, 2017! Reserve your copy today for $0.99 and get a huge discount off the regular price. Pre-order now at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Smashwords and other select retailers.
Mission Nemo simply must succeed. If the crew of the Super Small Miniaturized Nano-like Operations Wessel S. S. Minnow fails to destroy the inoperable anti-capitalist coagulum lodged in Maurice Moore’s progressive brain, how will General De Klein’s Federal Department of Antidotes operatives at SUCFACE Mission Control find out if Leftylometazoline (aka LeftX) really works? Would this usher in the final stage of the liberal clerisy’s clandestine collectivist conspiracy to abolish our few remaining individual freedoms forever? That would not please President Thump one microscopic little bit.
Join Major Miles Stone and his disturbingly alluring crew on their miniaturized mission through the left and lefter hemispheres of the progressive brain. Their fantastic voyage is a race against time that takes them through such redoubtable regions as the Clinton Vortex, the Che Guevara Gray Area and the Obama Trauma Center itself. Here they bravely confront such anatomical monstrosities as the fantasist frontalis, the hyperbolthalamus and the dreaded pious aspiration node. Their progressive brain journey only gets progressively worse as they are repeatedly attacked by repulsive swarms of nanny neurons, doomsday dendrons, robin hoodlums and the formidable radical egalitarian bacterium. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, and their deadly arsenal of passing phasers, millennial mindset missiles, moral busybody antibodies and Condescendium®, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost.
The tension never stops building during this thrilling tale of adventure, danger, suspense and romance. And lust. Will Captain Hanna Grenada’s irresistible animal magnetism finally seduce the Major into experiencing something vaguely resembling basic human emotion? Can the all too communicative HAL 9999 super computer and his annoying eye drones really be trusted to operate the ship? And will the Minnow’s political corrector deflectors and smug shields hold, allowing Stone and his crew to reach their target and ignite the liberal bombast bomb in time? I could tell you but that would ruin the suspense.
Not your everyday dystopian science-fiction erotic horror political thriller, this bombastic bombshell of a book knows no shame when it comes to overwhelming you with its serious silliness, wanton wackiness and forthright, flat-out farce. Purchase it now before it is too late or something. Soon to be made into a major motion picture. Or maybe it has been already. There is also time travel involved here, after all.
Little old ladies just don’t seem to understand the world we are now living in. Not that I do, either. But still.
In Germany, you can be arrested and fined €1,350 for finding jokes like these funny (and then sharing it on your Facebook page): “Do you have anything against refugees? Yes. Machine guns and hand grenades.”
And using some lame excuse like “I like to pass on funny things” won’t help you out here one little bit, ma’am. You are guilty of hate crime. Hate crime, you ask? What is hate crime? Well, hate crime, when it comes to jokes, is kind of like thoughtcrime only… No, wait. It is thoughtcrime. That’s precisely what it is. Now just sit back and relax, ma’am. We will purge that abominable joke from your mind with the help of this little red button right here.
„Ich leite gern spaßige Sachen weiter.”