Athletes are dumb

We knew that already, right? But sports commentators can be pretty dumb too, you know.

Nobody knows what this lady was thinking when she said it, least of all herself I’m sure, but after Germany’s Miroslav Klose shot this beautiful goal against Australia the other night (and ended a long dry spell everybody had been ragging him about), she said “That’s a real inner Reichsparteitag (Nuremberg Rally) for Miroslav Klose, that he scores a goal like that here today.”

Huh? That’s a new one for me – although it’s clearly not a new one for a bunch of other folks around here. Dict.cc just told me that it’s an idiom meaning “a feeling of deep satisfaction over the outcome of something.” Oh. That makes it, uh, better, I guess.

“Es war eine sprachliche Entgleisung im Eifer der Halbzeitpause.”

Merkel botched it with the euro – at least as well as we would have

SPIEGEL: But most German politicians are committed to Europe.

Fischer: Only as long as it remains very abstract. But we have to give people enough credit to deal with unpleasant truths. No one explains why the euro is important for Germany and what its failure would mean. And no one explains why Germany has always paid — because it happens to be the big winner in Europe.

SPIEGEL: A community of solidarity means that Germany must pay for the failures of others.

Fischer: What nonsense! The European Union was a transfer union from the very beginning. The common market and the agrarian market were and still are primarily transfer guarantees for Germany and France!

SPIEGEL: How should Merkel have reacted?

Fischer: The chancellor should have put forward her own proposal to rescue the euro, in coordination with France. We have a responsibility as Europe’s strongest economic power. The EU cannot solve its problems in the long run if Germany hides itself. We are paying a high price for our resistance. We are viewed with suspicion in the entire Mediterranean region, and are seen as villains in Greece.

European Vacation

Finally, after a somewhat strenuous Californian vacation (because it was way too short), Iceland’s volcanic ash cloud has forced German Chancellor Angela Merkel to finally take a little more time off her busy schedule than she might usually want to do and reflect and relax a little while vacationing right here in good old Old Europe, perhaps finally making it back to Berlin maybe one day in the process, where everybody has kind of sort of been expecting her irgendwie (somehow).

The first stop of her current European tour began on Friday when her plane was diverted to Portugal. After a night in Lisbon, she flew over to Rome just before the air traffic got canned there too. Then she headed north from Rome to Bolzano in northeast Italy in an armored limousine and is currently, I believe, busing it over the Alps back to Berlin and could be arriving here at any moment or at least anytime within the next week or two (is Rainbow Tours still in business?).

What’s a forty or fifty hour flight back home with planes, trains and automobiles (and buses) as long as you can combine it with some handshakes and photos and a little sight-seeing here and there? And get paid for it, I mean.

She has, after all, been spared a day of campaigning in the state of North Rhine-Westphalia, which holds a crucial election next month which her center-right coalition stands to lose.”

Again and again…

Angie Merkel’s coming for a visit again, concerned as usual.

But Obama isn’t the only source of Merkel’s concerns about America. She is also vexed over Washington’s policy,  which fluctuates between disregard for and dominance of the Germans. this isn’t just the result of the president’s personal characteristics, but of the respective roles of the two countries: the United States, a superpower being challenged by China, and Germany, which wants to be a medium power, but only plays this role economically, not politically. Merkel is confronted with this underlying conflict again and again.

Unprepared and unwilling, understand?

Now we know why the Bundeswehr is unprepared for combat. It’s because the Bundeswehr is unprepared for combat (we already knew that they were unwilling).

But at least now it’s official or something. The being unprepared part, I mean. So that way nobody has to feel bad about it or anything, I guess.

Germany’s parliamentary commissioner for the armed forces criticized the country’s support of its soldiers, saying the Bundeswehr lacked the most basic necessities for its missions abroad.

What’s that guy with the knife want?

Talk about your cruelty to animals.

First  rejected by his mother, then seperated from his ersatz father-keeper at a tender age while getting gawked at by quadrillions of annoying zoo visitors (he was even forced at gunpoint once to take a Vanity Fair cover shot with Leonardo DiCaprio), then turning from a cute and cuddly baby to a grungy teen right there where everybody could watch, then forced to marry a blood relative who doesn’t even speak proper German (they call her Giovanna).

So now? Poor Knut, Berlin’s own. Now German animal rights activists want to cut off his family jewels. Word is that “if they (he and Giovanna) were allowed to breed, the offspring would be prone to genetic abnormalities and liable to illness.”

I’m sure that Knut is wondering now if they couldn’t just be good friends. Unfortunately, he can’t talk.

“A long-term cohabitation between Giovanna and Knut is only feasible if Knut is castrated.”

I saw the light(s), and they were flashing

Frau am Steuer (und besoffen dazu), das wird teuer.

“The leader of Germany’s 25 million Protestants was stopped for running a red light while driving under the influence of alcohol, the Hanover state prosecutors office said on Tuesday.”

Wer mit mehr als 1,5 Promille Alkohol im Blut Auto fährt, gefährdet Gesundheit und Leben anderer Menschen.

Too hot in Afghanistan right now

Ich kann so nicht arbeiten! I just can’t work under these conditions!

This just keeps getting better, people. Now even Northern Afghanistan is too dangerous for the Germans. Too dangerous to train Afghan police, that is. I mean it’s not like anybody’s taking part in any of the fighting going on down south at the moment or anything.

SPD Politicians are serously proposing that the few police trainers Germany is currently utilizing to train Afghan police (wow, they’re actually going to increase that number from 120 to 150) do the training in a more peaceful working environment. Up here in Germany, that is.

Taliban attacks in Germany are acceptably low at the moment and will allow German police trainers to concentrate more fully on their work and maybe even actually start getting a few Afghans through their rigorously thorough and near-never-ending training program. Already.

Angesichts der Sicherheitslage am Hindukusch wird diskutiert, wie die Arbeit der deutschen Polizisten mit der größtmöglichen Sicherheit ablaufen kann.

Where’s my Kuchen?

I want to eat it too.

“If Berlin pursues this new stance*, the Center for European Reform report argues, it will allow Germany to have its cake and eat it. Germany would be contributing to President Barack Obama’s quest for nuclear disarmament, the report says, but could still rely on the NATO countries that deploy the remaining 180 U.S. weapons — Belgium, Italy, the Netherlands and Turkey — to provide it with a security umbrella.”

* Demanding that the remaining American nuclear missles be removed from Germany but still expect the protection of American nuclear weapons.

“Die letzten Nuklearwaffen in Deutschland sind ein Relikt des Kalten Kriegs. Sie haben keinen militärischen Sinn mehr.”

Ex-Defense Minister now ex-Employment Minister too

So I think it goes like this: After a German officer called in a “reconstruction and peacekeeping” airstrike on fuel trucks stolen by the Taliban in a non-war they are taking part in in northern Afghanistan, no civilians at all were killed. Then later, of course, they were.

As long as this isn’t a war, things like this are bound to keep on happening. Further resignations and German-speak like this, I mean.

“Politicians have consistently failed to convince Germans that there is a clear and sound strategy in place for the Nato mission.

Even as militants stepped up attacks on German soldiers in northern Afghanistan ministers refused to refer to what was happening there as a ‘war’

They continued to fall back on the more sanitised line that German troops were involved in a  ‘reconstruction and peacekeeping’ mission.”

“But two-thirds of the German public want German troops out of Afghanistan. And following September’s airstrike in Kunduz, the calls for the soldiers to be pulled out have grown even louder.”