We Looted The Loot First

The grand opening of a joint German-Russian art exhibition in St Petersburg was spoiled on Friday when Moscow objected to Angela Merkel’s plan to use her speech to refer to hundreds of looted German works of art looted by Red Army soldiers after the war.

Art

The Germans claim that some 1 million looted objects are still missing, including the Treasure of Priamos, objects looted by the Germans in Troy under the direction of Heinrich Schliemann way back in 1873.

Moscow appears to be open to compromise, but only when the Russian artworks destroyed by German troops during World War II – estimated to be more than 110m books and publications following the plundering of 427 Soviet museums and 4,000 libraries – be returned, as well.

“This is a very touchy question for the societies of both countries. We need to look for solutions, rather than inflating the problem.”

Where’s The Pointy Hat?

A garden gnome or lawn gnome or in this case Karl Marx gnome is a figurine of a small humanoid creature, usually wearing a pointy hat, produced for the purpose of ornamentation and protection from evil sorcery, which is typically placed on front lawns or in gardens.These figurines originated in 19th-century Germany, where they became known as Gartenzwerg (garden dwarf).

Marx

Gartenzwerg should not be confused with Giftzwerg here, however. A Giftzwerg is a poison dwarf or a poisonous little man. Not unless you want to confuse the two, I mean.

“I want to inspire pedestrians to think about Karl Marx in a different way.”

Back Then When The World Was Still In Order

This is just what we need these days: Uplifting communist photography. More specifically, a nostalgic retrospective of art photography produced in communist East Germany.

They just don’t make German democratic republics like they used to.

More Naked Art

Asking for naked volunteers in Germany is kind of like asking if anybody is interested in having some Freibier (free beer). Especially when the nakedness has to do with uplifting Kunst and culture and crap like that. Not to mention, heaven forbid, Richard Wagner himself.

That’s why American photographer Spencer Tunick shamelessly exploited this German schamelessness and painted a whole heap of naked Germans red and gold for his art installation interpretation thingy of scenes from the opera “Der Ring des Nibelungen.”

Art for art’s sake or something. Let’s get nekkid. Boy, I’m arted out for this week. EntARTet, so-to-speak.

Tunick was invited to create the work by the Bavarian State Opera.

The Next Dumb Allusion To The Berlin Wall

Something called the Peace Wall, being part of Berlin’s Biennale, which will focus on political art this year (isn’t all art political?), has been constructed just down the road from Checkpoint Charlie by a Macedonian artist to “underline the gap between the upper Friedrichstrasse – characterized by fancy shops and expensive flats – and the poor southern part of the road which heads to the multi-ethnic Kreuzberg district.”

You know, it’s all about the gentrification “issue” and that terrible gap between rich and poor so prevalent in, uh, Germany.

“A wall is a symbol of division,” the artist says. “And is in itself capable of highlighting invisible gaps.”

True, I guess. But this lady clearly doesn’t know what the real Berlin Wall was about (the fewest out there who make comparisons like these do) or she would have chosen another object to work with. There were no invisible gaps about the Berlin Wall at all. It was for way real, concrete in the truest sense of the word, and had nothing at all to do with any of these fairy tale divisions artists living in free societies today have to struggle with all the time like they do, or seem to want to.

Hey, this is art. And art doesn’t have to have anything to do with reality, does it? Whether you call it political or not.

„Sie erreichen mit dieser Mauer, dass Sie diese Ecke erst recht sterben lassen.“

Artistic Productions Like This Cost Money You Know

We’re artists. So give us your, I mean our money.

This is what Germans get for a billion euros of arts subsidies each and every year. Jiminy Crickets. I don’t even want to think about what they’d be getting for less.

Please, Berlin. For the love of all that is holy freakin’ cow. Keep those subsidies coming.

“Der Kulturinfarkt: Von allem zu viel und überall das Gleiche.”

Ever sleep with a reindeer?

How about twelve of them at once? I know, I know. That’s none of my damned business and whatever two (or more) consenting adults do in private and all that…

But in case you haven’t–and it is Christmas season now and all that–here’s your chance. But be warned: This actually has to do with “art” (whoever he is).

OK, so take some notes here: There’s this art museum called The Hamburger Bahnhof, but it’s in Berlin. And it’s not a Bahnhof. In it you will currently find an exhibition called “Soma” which has something to do with said twelve reindeer and giant mushroom sculptures alluding to some ancient Hindu legend about a hallucinogenic drink that was a magical elixir for, I dunno, magical purposes or something.

But none of this is all that important. The way cool thing about this exhibition is that if you want to, you can shell out 1,000 euros and spend the night there. Sleeping there. In a rotating bed. In the exhibition. Being an exhibitionist, so-to-speak. No, without any of that magic elixir, but still.

Hmmm. If they would include the magic elixir (and the over-nite wouldn’t cost any more than a stay at Motel 6), I think I could actually consider considering it.

As part of the “reflective component” of the exhibition, guests can rent a single revolving bed in the middle of the reindeer herd for 1,000 euros ($1,363) per night.

Yoko Ono confronting violence again

This time here in Berlin, as we speak, so-to-speak. And with peace, I must assume. Or with art, which is even better, I guess. So like I’m there, dude. After all, I had absolutely no idea that there is “incredible violence and abuse going on in the world now” and that “instead of just putting that reality under the rug and just forgetting about it, we have to face it.”

She means the 9/11 anniversary event(s) tomorrow, right? Or the Taliban? American football? Driving on German autobahns? How about the evolutionary process i.e. nature and natural selection itself? Hard to say for sure. Egal (doesn’t matter), let’s just face it – and “face it”, whatever that means.

Titled “Das Gift” — a play on the word’s meaning in English, a present, and German, poison — the exhibit opened in Berlin Friday. The 77-year-old artist told The Associated Press she hoped it would force viewers to confront violence without losing hope.

PS: Did I ever tell you that I don’t get art? Not that I needed to.

Why are they booing?

And what are they booing?

The first movie? The big-budget remake with a message because it wasn’t low-budget enough (the movie, not the message)? History?

Or was this flick, like most of the other films that get shown here every year at the Berlin Film Festival, was it like, well, too political? Nah, that can’t be. What’s more political (or politically correct) than the Berlinale?

I know, maybe it was just another really lousy movie. I mean even by Berlinale standards lousy.

“Ein antisemitischer Film, wie wir ihn uns nur wünschen können.”

More fascinating Kunst

Not. But at least it’s disgusting. I’m not even sure if I can really believe this is real or really happening: A traveling exhibition of preserved human bodies?

I could do this forever.

You can donate your body for one of the upcoming shows here if you want to. I don’t. And I don’t get this world anymore, either. Or this body world, I should say.

Für besondere Aufregung sorgte schon im Vorfeld dieses Motiv namens “Schwebender Akt”.