German Of The Day: Albtraum

That means nightmare. You know, like Nightmare on Elm Street? Or Nightmare at Deutsche Bank?

Deutsche Bank

Read my lips, the usual suspects are saying: Everything is fine, the German government is not preparing a bailout, there have been no secret talks with the chancellor and there is nothing here that needs to be rescued in the first place. Now say that ten times really fast.

The German government denied it was working on a rescue of Deutsche Bank as Germany’s biggest lender boosted its balance sheet by selling its British insurance business on Wednesday.

Deutsche is facing a $14 billion fine from the Department of Justice, and concerns over its funding pushed its shares to a record low on Tuesday and heightened concerns about the health of the financial sector in Europe’s largest economy.

“Die Situation des Konzerns ist viel besser, als sie von außen wahrgenommen wird.”

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Berlin Is So Poor…

Poor? The city of Berlin is so poor that it can’t even afford the bullets for its policemen anymore.

Taser

Berlin’s plans to arm police patrols with taser guns would make it the first German state to implement extensive use of the electroshock weapon.

Makes good economic sense to me. Because then all they have to do is just hook them up to solar panels to recharge overnight.

Spätestens seitdem ein Beamter im Juni 2013 einen geistig verwirrten, bewaffneten Mann im Neptunbrunnen in Mitte erschoss, wird die politische Debatte um die Anschaffung der Taser geführt – auch und vor allem im Kontext des grotesk schlechten Zustands der Berliner Schießstände, an denen Polizisten den Einsatz ihrer Waffen in regelmäßigen Abständen trainieren müssen. In den vergangenen zwei Jahren hatten viele Beamte gar nicht mehr mit scharfer Munition üben, sondern lediglich ein Laser-Simulationsschießen als Ersatz absolvieren können.*

* That big long German sentence says, among other things, that Berlin cops don’t even have a decent firing range so they have to practice using laser simulation shooting.

Poor But Sexy, But Poor

Those were the days. Berlin used to be just (arm aber sexy) poor but sexy.

Poor

Now Berlin is poor but sexy, but poor. At least when it comes to trying to earn a living here.

The German capital pulls down the per capita income for the entire country. According to Eurostat (the European statistics office), Germany’s gross national product (with an emphasis on gross) would climb 0.2 percent if they could just find a way to factor out losers like us here in Berlin.

Poor? Yo capital is so poor it can’t afford to pay attention.

Die Hauptstadt drückt auf das Pro-Kopf-Einkommen der gesamten Bundesrepublik: Das Bruttoinlandsprodukt je Einwohner würde um 0,2 Prozent steigen, wenn man Berlin und seine Einwohner ausklammert, wie das Institut der deutschen Wirtschaft (IW) auf Basis von Daten des Europäischen Statistikamtes Eurostat errechnete.

Berlin Loses Coveted “Capital Of Debt” Title

But only for this season, I’m convinced of it. Debters never quit and quitters never… something. The German cities with the highest per capita debt all seem to be “out west” right now. The Angeber (showoffs).

Debt

But there is more to Berlin debt (61 billion) than first meets the eye. The city has cut spending, as anyone who lives here sees on a daily basis, but the money being saved isn’t really from tax revenue generated here in Berlin. Berlin is being kept alive by money coming in from the so-called Länderfinanzausgleich (inter-state fiscal adjustment) system. The rich German states (Bavaria, for instance) get milked for those less inclined to, uh, be rich (Berlin, for instance).

You know, solidarity. Or Umverteilung (redistribution) of other people’s money, if you prefer.

Es bleibt dann leider noch ein Schuldenberg von 61 Milliarden Euro übrig. Das kostet jährlich rund 1,9 Milliarden Euro Zinsen, trotz des immer noch extrem niedrigen Zinsniveaus.

Euro Crisis Is Over Or Something

So have a Happy New Year already.

Germany’s finance minister says the worst of euro area’s debt crisis appears to be over after three years of worries over Greece and other members of the group of 17 European Union countries that use the single currency.

Meanwhile…

Austerity in action.

Berlin’s mantra about spending cuts in the eurozone is bringing unemployment and spreading hopelessness across Europe.

So take your pick, it’s both.

“I think we have the worst behind us.”

 

Pirates Shocked That Pirates Won’t Pay

Is this any way for a marauding mob of pilfering plunderers and freeloading freebooters to behave?

Worried about financial bottlenecks during upcoming election campaigns, Pirate party boss Bernd Schlömer has threatened to admonish dilinquent party members. Many (42 percent) have failed to pay their annual membership fee of 48 euros.

Nach Angaben von Schlömer haben rund 42 Prozent der mehr als 33.000 Mitglieder ihren Jahresbeitrag von 48 Euro noch nicht bezahlt.