“Germany’s Smart, Simple Formula for Fighting Its Coronavirus Spike”

Isn’t working. And won’t work (in the mid- to long term). Their smart, simple formula last March (the big lockdown) didn’t work either.

Covid

But none of your readers are interested in that. You’ve trained them well.

When it’s come to fighting the coronavirus crisis, Germany has been a model among Western nations. Under Chancellor Angela Merkel’s leadership, the country’s swift and organized initial response to the pandemic kept deaths low and quickly pushed case rates down to a controllable level. Its successes have in many ways stood as the starkest contrast to America’s scattered, disastrous response—proof that a large democracy with a federal form of government could, in fact, get a handle on the disease.

But…

PS: Always remember that everything before “but” was a lie.

If Only The United States Could Do Everything Right Too

Remember: Corona only spikes in the United States because, well, we do everything wrong.

Light

Not so in ze Europe. Take Germany, for example. They’ve done everything right so far (face masks, social distancing, strict restrictions, etc). The Germans even did a big lockdown already, just a few months back. And now, because the first lockdown worked so well and was so much fun, I guess, Germany is going to lockdown again. Only this time they refer to it as a “lockdown light.” Light as in restaurants, bars, hotels, gyms etc. will no longer have any guests and professional sports events will be held without spectators. And everybody stays home, of course. Sound vaguely familiar? It should. It is. But maybe this light lockdown will be more effective than that heavy one they did first. It’s all a question of having a positive attitude. Something Germans are world famous for.

Germany to go into circuit-break lockdown as coronavirus surges – Germany will impose an emergency month-long lockdown that includes the closure of restaurants, gyms and theatres to reverse a spike in coronavirus cases that risks overwhelming hospitals, Chancellor Angela Merkel said on Wednesday.

 

German Of The Day: Gastro-Lockdown

That means gastro lockdown. You know, as in gastronomy lockdown?

Gastro

It’s coming to Germany. Wow, and this in a country that has Corona under control (if you watch American mainstream media news). Angela “we can do it” Merkel will be announcing today and making sure that – take a deep breath now – restaurants, bars, clubs discotheques, pubs, as well as theaters, opera houses, concert houses, whore houses, casinos, amusement parks, film theaters, sport clubs, betting shops, swimming pools and gyms will be closed down for a bit. For our own protection. Not necessarily for the people who work there or own them, of course, but still. It’s a start. And what a whore house and some of the others there have to do with gastronomy I’ll leave up to you.

Otherwise though, everything else can remain open. For now.

Unter anderem sollen Gastronomiebetriebe sowie Bars, Clubs, Diskotheken, Kneipen und ähnliche Einrichtungen geschlossen bleiben. Gleiches soll für Theater, Opern, Konzerthäuser, Messen, Kinos, Freizeitparks, Spielhallen, Spielbanken, Wettannahmestellen, Bordelle, Freizeit- und Amateursportbetrieb, Schwimm- und Spaßbäder und Fitnessstudios gelten.

“Work Again?”

Is this German humor? In a British tabloid?

Germany

“Will Germany’s effective Covid strategy work again as it enters a second wave?” It didn’t work the first time, folks (they’re up to 7,000+ new infections a day now, and climbing). Even though the Germans, as Klassenbeste (best in class), did everything right. Right? Face masks, social distancing, etc.

It could almost make one think that these face masks don’t help.

“The first wave taught us that if politicians and scientists work together, they have more chance of beating this virus.”

But Everybody’s Wearing Masks Here Already

And the masks work, right? So why does the number of COVID-19 infections in Germany keep rising?

Masks

Coronavirus in Germany: Angela Merkel urges people to stay home ‘whenever possible’ – Angela Merkel has called for solidarity as Germany enters a “very serious phase” of the pandemic. Germany has again set a new daily case record, as ministers call for thousands of additional contact tracers.

“The comparatively relaxed summer is over; now we are facing difficult months. How winter will be, how our Christmas will be, will be decided in the coming days and weeks.”

 

Flatliners

Coronavirus mortality rates: Germans continue to keep not dropping like flies.

Flatliners

They forgot to add the panic level here though. It’s also still as flat as ever. At a much higher level, of course, but still.

Coronavirus digest: Germany mulls restrictions on traveling, partying – Chancellor Angela Merkel’s aide has called for restrictions on social gatherings and travel to deal with the rising number of COVID-19 cases. Germany has reported a surge in daily infections…

While the number of cases and deaths in Germany is lower than in many neighboring countries, the country has been reporting more than 4,000 daily cases since Thursday, the highest since April.

 

It’s Reassuring To Know That The Germans Always Have Everything Under Control

Especially when you live in Germany. Take the “coronavirus risk threshold,” for instance. Please.

Corona

Hmmm. No longer head of the mask class, Germany? 4,500 new infections yesterday, and rising. Do you have this under control? Does anyone?

Berlin and Frankfurt both hit German coronavirus risk threshold – Germany’s capital and financial capital have both hit the level defined by the government as risky — 50 new cases per 100,000 residents over a seven-day period. It could lead to travel restrictions at home and abroad.

“We must avoid reaching the point where we lose control.”

Germany Extends Coronavirus Red Zone List To Include Every Place That Isn’t Germany

In another breathtaking German Alleingang that Germany promised never, ever to do again under any circumstances we promise this time really, Germany has now declared the rest of Planet Earth a Coronavirus Red Zone.

Germany

For those unfamiliar with what that means, a Coronavirus Red Zone is a place the German Foreign Ministry recommends Germans not to visit. You can if you want to but you shouldn’t, as a German. That you are exposed to more Coronavirus in the Berlin subway system than you will find in most of Spain, for example, makes no difference. A recommendation is a recommendation and red zones are red zones.

Germany’s Foreign Ministry has warned against non-essential travel to the new red zones, where new COVID-19 infections have exceeded 50 cases per 100,000 inhabitants in seven days. Anyone travelling back from such areas will need to undergo a test and go into quarantine pending the results.

In recent weeks, the German authorities have repeatedly warned of a sharp increase in COVID-19 cases. About 15 European Union countries are now on Bonn’s restricted-travel list. In some cases, such as Spain, Luxembourg and the Czech Republic, the entire country is coded red, while in others, only some zones are listed.

V-Shaped

You know, V. Like V are having the worst economic downturn since World War II.

V

But whether the German stimulus measures “have bucked the Corona crisis” or not remains to be seen.

It can’t be too much of a crisis anymore though. Not if all the brothels are being allowed to open again. Come what may.

Several states in northern Germany are set to lift or ease pandemic restrictions on prostitution, with North Rhine-Westphalia now allowing sex workers to resume their business. The decision comes in the wake of several court cases filed by sex workers, who argued the restrictions unfairly discriminated against them.

Everybody’s Got A COVID-19 Plan

Until they get punched in the face.

Train

Germany: Train passenger without face mask punches attendant – A man on a Hamburg train got violent after a train attendant asked him to wear a face mask and display his ticket. Deutsche Bahn has recently tried to crack down on mask violations.