What Can We Ban Today?

It’s been twenty-four hours at least. Our fingers are getting itchy.

Motorcycles

I know, riding your motorcycle on Sundays!

Noise in Germany keeps a strict schedule. Every night after 10 p.m. and on Sundays, Germans are required by a medley of federal, state and local laws to keep schtum. That means no spin cycles, no vacuuming, no power tools and no mowing the lawn.

As the world went into lockdown this spring, a drop in noise levels was recorded across the globe. But in most of Germany, it wasn’t much quieter than an average Sunday, when socializing is done sotto voce and the peal of church bells is about as loud as it gets.

“Many villagers have stopped using their gardens on sunny weekends.”

German Of The Day: Bußgeld

That means fine. As in money. As in Corona money.

Fine

Most of Germany imposes $59 fine for mask-wearing breaches – German Chancellor Angela Merkel says most of her country’s states have agreed to impose a minimum fine of 50 euros ($59) for breaching mask-wearing rules as coronavirus infections rise again

Hmmm. In theory, Germany is a federal Government and this should be left up to state governments to decide but the times, as we can see, they are a changin’.

In decentralized Germany, imposing and loosening virus-related restrictions is a matter for the 16 state governments, so a patchwork of rules has emerged in recent months. Some areas have imposed no punishment for people who don’t wear masks as required in public transport, shops and elsewhere while others have imposed high fines.

German Dogs Will Soon Be Forced To Take Better Care Of Their Owners

Dog owners are not just cuddly toys, mutts. They also have their own needs.

Dog

New Law Proposed in Germany Demands Dog Owners Take Pets on an Hour-Long Walk Twice a Day.

I’ve been told that another new proposed law would force German dogs to teach their owners to roll over and play dead every time the government asks them to but the political opposition insists that this would be unnecessary government intervention as this has already long been the case.

“They’ll be telling cat owners how often they need to change their litter trays next.”

German Students Not Use To Countries That Uphold Their Visa Laws

Looks like it’s Fridays for No-Future for you.

Students

Sie schaffen das!

German students in US urge Berlin to take stand against new visa rules – “We’re counting on your support,” students wrote in an open letter to Angela Merkel’s government. Under new pandemic rules, international students face expulsion from the US if their schools offer online-only classes.

The new visa regulations as part of “an increasingly xenophobic immigration policy.”

First They Come For Your Fireworks

Then they introduce a speed limit on your autobahn. “Whatever is not expressly permitted is strictly forbidden” in Germany.

Fireworks

Could Germany ban personal fireworks? – Across the world, fireworks are an essential part of New Year’s Eve celebrations. Germans especially love setting off their own pyrotechnics, but some places have now imposed limited bans — for good reason…

Germany’s laissez-faire approach to pyrotechnics, however, has serious consequences. Fireworks harm the environment, and exploding pyrotechnics can startle and shock animals as well as little children…

Alles was nicht ausdrücklich erlaubt ist, ist verboten.

What’s The Password?

To get your password? And where’s your passport? How do we know you’re you?

Password

German University Forced to Hand Out 38,000 Passwords in Person – Password resets are usually pretty straightforward. But a university in Germany is requiring every student to line up and personally pick up their passwords for the school’s email system following a malware attack.

The University of Giessen is making the odd request because the school is a member of a German research network with strict rules. As a result, the university must follow legal requirements that ensure the new passwords are handed to the real owner, and not someone else, it explained in a notice.

“There is no alternative to this procedure.”

German Of The Day: Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung

That’s a beauty, isn’t it? Some prefer using the word Tempolimit instead. To save time. Both mean “speed limit,” however. And no, it can’t happen here.

Speed

A measure to introduce a 130 km/h (roughly 81 mph) speed limit on the network of motorways that has crisscrossed the country since the ‘30s was introduced by the German Green Party was rejected on Thursday by a majority of Bundestag members. Germany is currently the only country in Europe with stretches of unrestricted motorways, with neighboring countries conforming at the very least to the 130 km/h limit similar to the one proposed.

Bundestag lehnt Tempolimit auf Autobahnen ab.

German Of The Day: Kater

That means tomcat. But it also means hangover.

Kater

And here you thought that the courts of the country you live in made wacky court decisions (and they do).

A German court has ruled that hangovers are an “illness”, in a timely judgement days after the annual Oktoberfest beer festival began in Munich.

The case landed before judges in Frankfurt when plaintiffs claimed a firm offering anti-hangover “shots” and drink powders to mix with water was making illegal health claims.

“Information about a food product cannot ascribe any properties for preventing, treating or healing a human illness or give the impression of such a property,” the sober ruling from the superior regional court on Monday said.

Ein Alkoholkater ist eine Krankheit. Hersteller von Nahrungsergänzungsmitteln dürfen daher nicht damit werben, dass ihr Produkt gegen den Kater hilft oder ihm vorbeugt, wie das Oberlandesgericht (OLG) Frankfurt am Main in einem am Montag veröffentlichten Urteil entschied.

But The Next Time ISIS Starts A War…

Watch out! Dual-nationals who fight for them will lose their German citizenship!

ISIS

This is how Germany kind of sort of works. It’s always too little, too late and heartfelt half-ass. And then everybody congratulates one another for having reached a compromise. It would be funny as hell if it weren’t so sad.

Germany is to introduce new legislation to remove citizenship from dual-nationals who fight for the self-styled Islamic State (IS) and other terrorist groups.

To date, German nationals could only have their citizenship stripped if they joined foreign armed forces without the government’s permission. Now the German government has decided to extend the legislation to cover German citizens who travel to fight on behalf of a terror militia.

Meanwhile, in Syria… “The United States is asking Britain, France, Germany and other European allies to take back over 800 Isis fighters that we captured in Syria and put them on trial. The Caliphate is ready to fall. The alternative is not a good one in that we will be forced to release them.” 

Needless to say, the Germans don’t want them. Nor do they wish to try them. Is Guantanamo still in operation?

So ein Sinnlos-Gesetz kann sich wirklich nur die GroKo ausdenken.

Fifteen Will Get You Eight And A Half In Germany

Which is really more like three or four, but still. German math is einfach kompliziert (simply complicated). The German justice system is pretty straightforward, though.

Mia

A German court has sentenced a migrant to eight and a half years for murdering his 15-year-old ex-girlfriend.

Abdul D, believed to be Afghan, admitted stabbing Mia V in December in the south-western town of Kandel.

Prosecutors believe he acted out of jealousy and revenge after Mia, a German citizen, broke up with him…

The accused said he was 15 at the time of the crime but an expert medical assessment ordered by prosecutors said that he was more likely to be between 17 and 20 years old.

 „Mein Mandant verzichtet auf Rechtsmittel und ist mit dem Strafmaß einverstanden.”