Germany Pulls Out Big Guns

The mullah regime in Tehran must be shaking in its boots now (do mullahs even wear boots?).

More than one hundred (100) prominent Germans have signed an open letter to the Iranian government calling for the release of two German journalists being held by the Iranians under the standard charge of espionage for interviewing the son of some woman down there who is going to be stoned to death for adultry–although I can’t really see why anybody would consider this being a newsworthy item or anything (the getting stoned for adultry part), but still.

The Iranians may regularly sneer in disdain at Merkel, Westerwelle and Co., but when folks like freakin’ Franz Beckenbauer get pissed off, things are going to start happening, and pronto.

And indeed, they already have. Clearly anticipating the Beckenbauer Vorstoß (foray), Iranians in the background (and there certainly seems to be a whole lot of those, don’t you think?) have convinced the woman they are about to murder to come out into the daylight for a few minutes to announce her intention to sue the journalist/spies in question for having had the audacity and/or nerve to interview her son.

And you thought Americans were litigation-happy.

“The woman who has been sentenced to death was allowed to leave her jail cell for a few hours to declare in front of western TV cameras that she would file a suit against our reporters. Does Iran really think that a strange farce like this will improve the credibility of its justice system abroad?”

Have a good slide!

Or so the Germans say (Guten Rutsch!), for Happy New Year!

That ought to be easy enough this winter. It’s been the coldest December here in Germany since 1969 (before global warming started screwing everything up).

So slide well into the new year–and slide responsibly.

Der Dezember war zugleich überdurchschnittlich feucht. Am Flughafen in Frankfurt fielen insgesamt 59 Zentimeter Neuschnee, so viel wie noch nie seit Beginn der Aufzeichnungen.

“Handy” finally verboten!

It’s about freakin’ time somebody got rid of that awful “English” word–and all those other so-called English words and phrases that Germans are always throwing around here so disrespectfully as if they were, I dunno, English or something.

Every time I accidentally use the word handy in English conversation (with other native speakers who don’t speak German, I mean) they look at me as if I had just arrived from Mars.

Germany’s Transport Minister Peter Ramsauer has finally struck a blow for German (and English) language preservation by enforcing a ban in his ministry on the use of what Germans working there think are English words and phrases.

Handy is one of them, like I said. Another favorite of mine that I hear in Berlin all the time is Coffee Togo. Well that’s how they pronounce it. I swear. Apparantly many Berliners are actually convinced that the coffee you can now get in those portable styrofoam cups to take along with you is from the country of Togo.

Another good one is life. You know, as in “Life Show?”

Or how about Pizza Hut? Many Germans pronounce it as the Transport Minister would expect them to and actually think that the place is called Pizza Hat.

So knock yourself out, Herr Ramsauer. Help preserve my language. You can crack down on abuse like this as often and as hard as you think necessary. Please. I mean, bitte.

Gegen den Mainstream zu leben, kann schließlich ganz schön in sein.

Chaos must be well organized, ja?

Germans, being born anarchists (and born Germans), are genetically programmed to be aware of how important it is that the chaotic and deteriorating world in which we live continue to degenerate, but to have it do so in an “orderly chaotic” and therefore German manner.

That is why the Chaos Computer Club, holding its 27th annual Chaos Computer Club Congress in Berlin this week, has expressed Chaos Computer Club Congress Concern Concerning the recent hacking attacks against “Mastercard und Co.” in wake of recent WikiLeaks revelations (the leaks themselves were carried out quite orderly, causing complete chaos, so they were OK).
 
It appears that these attacks are in fact against something called Chaos Computer Club “hacker ethics” and the interests of those who genuinely strive for a truly transparent society (albeit a deteriorating and chaotic one) and they kindly request that such disorderly chaotic attacks cease immediately, or something.

I tell ya, it’s a dog-eat-dog-hacker-gegen-hacker world out there.

“As the world becomes more chaotic, we can help.”

Germans Prepare For Next Hi-Tech Threat That Isn’t Quite There Yet But Threatens On The Horizon Already Anyway So-To-Speak

Or threatens in front of your bedroom window, or could. Potentially, I mean.

The ghastly Google Street View Scare hardly verdaut (digested), Germans everywhere are now about to be threatened by the threat of threatening private “mini me” drones which will soon be everywhere, omnipresent and ubiquitous, all at the same time, and will threaten German privacy in ways that haven’t even been imagined yet–but just be patient, they’re working on it.

Consumer Minister Ilse Aigner, along with the good folks over at the Left Party (of all people), are concerned that these new-fangled devices will soon be able to break privacy laws that, well, haven’t even been written yet either. But they’re working on that too.

Interestingly, the firm producing these things is located in a place called Kreuztal, in Germany (well I thought it was interesting). These babies are Made in Germany, in other words. So why all the excitement? Germans would never threaten German privacy like American Internet companies would, would they? I don’t know, maybe it’s more like “Be the first Spitzel (informer) on your block to have one!” kind of thing or something.

“Schon mit den kleinen helikopterähnlichen Hobby-Modellen kann man rechtlich schnell an Grenzen stoßen.”

“Aloof, elitist and indecisive”

Damn. And that’s coming from a German journalist dude too. And who knows more about being aloof, elitist and indecisive than they do?

“Barack Obama was the biggest loser of 2010.” Looks like once the going gets tough enough (for Obama), the German intelligentsia get going (as in abandoning ship).

Now, just days before Christmas, Congress has ratified the New START disarmament treaty with Russia. … Will Obama build on this victory? The opposite is much more probable.