Phase Out vs. Cash In

December 19, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire, The Greens Leave a comment

“Fukushima changed my attitude towards nuclear energy,” she said.

Now, though, it would appear that German industry is relying on government assistance to pursue the construction of nuclear power plants abroad.

Four applications for government export guarantees on nuclear power plant projects are currently under consideration. Known as Hermes guarantees, the program protects German companies from non-payment on overseas deals. The four projects are located in Finland, Great Britain, China and India.

“The nuclear phaseout must also apply to export guarantees.”

Malfunction Is Better Than No Function At All

December 18, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, S-Bahn, Sekt, Trains 3 Comments

When Berlin’s entire S-Bahn commuter train system isn’t down and out due to power outages, ice and snow (yet to come this year) or just plain good old fashioned traditional mismanagement, Berliners are asked to show understanding for S-Bahn train drivers who call in sick en masse, about 10 percent of the workforce at the moment.

They don’t do substitute train drivers, I guess, and that 10 percent is enough to cause massive delays on a number of lines here and tens of thousands of commuters to come in late to work, should those folks not have had enough sense to call in sick too, I mean. It’s been about three days now. S-Bahn drivers are sick here, alright. Sick of working. Merry Christmas to you too, pal(s).

“Unsere Personaldecke ist eben nicht hundertprozentig gedeckt, da machen sich krankheitsbedingte Ausfälle sofort bemerkbar.”

PS: Or maybe these guys have just been hitting the Little Red Riding Hood too heavy this week.

Have A Wonderful Stresstest

December 16, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Language, Satire, Stress 4 Comments

As you may have noticed, Germans are always stressed out about stuff, even stuff that isn’t particularly stressful. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that the Society for German Language has just chosen “Stresstest” to be the German word of the year (you didn’t know it was a German word, did you).

You name it, the Germans have stress tested it this year (or have been stress tested by it). Whether banks, nuclear power plants, train stations in Stuttgart, rained out summers or having patience with the euro (not), this term has become a “firm component of everyday language.”

I don’t see what all the fuss is about, though. Ain’t nothing new. I remember when they used to call stress test life.

Der ursprünglich aus der Medizin entlehnte Begriff sei im Laufe des Jahres “auffällig oft” verwendet worden.

Same Procedure As Every Year

December 11, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, CO2, Durban, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Environment, The Green Shirts, The Greens Leave a comment

Why put off for tomorrow what you can put off for The Day After Tomorrow instead? Get it?

Oh boy, another climate change agreement. You know, an agreement about agreeing to agree on how governments will agree in the future on how to commit themselves to agree upon finally reaching a final agreement about… I forgot about what, but it has something to do with CO2 or something.

Have you noticed how die Luft ist raus (the air is out or the wheels are off) of the we’re-all-going-to-die-right-now climate change movement? You can only cry wolf for so long, I guess. The masses, in their inexplicable and infinite wisdom, seem to have lost all sense of urgency and are no longer cooperating – not even in Germany. And not even the do-gooders-what’s-in-charge leading them, trying so hard to get that sense of urgency back, seem to know “why Durban is different to climate change agreements of the past.” But they’re trying to understand and I wish them all the very best.

Und das ist gut so (and this is a good thing), these wheels coming off. Once everybody stops hollerin’ and things start calming down a bit maybe we can all get together and begin to approach this issue with a little bit of common sense. Opps, I mean intelligence.

Bis kurz vor Schluss sah es aus, als würde der Klimagipfel von Durban ohne Ergebnis enden. Heraus kommt ein nüchterner Zeitplan, mit dem viele Entscheidungen verschoben werden.

Our 9/11?

December 7, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hate, Hysteria Tags: 9/11, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Neo-Nazis, Terror 2 Comments

My, what a gross exaggeration. A handfull of neo-Nazi slobs go on a killing spree and a Berlin Politologe (political scientist) calls this Germany’s equivalent to the attacks of 9/11?

This surely must be a bad political scientist (as in bad science). But he’s not alone, of course. Germany’s contact to/with reality has never been all that steady, even in the best of times (like now), so none of this should be a surprise. It does make me wonder though about what would happen if something – how should I put it? – “real” were ever to happen here. I mean, if this is Germany’s 9/11, what would happen if a real 9/11 came along? Would everybody just pop into thin air or something? Nah, that would be impossible. Not even bad science can do that

“Das ist unser 9/11.”

American Conspiracy 101

December 6, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hypocrisy, Hysteria 2 Comments

Or should I call it AAA?

Ratings agency Standard & Poor's heaped on the pressure on Monday and Tuesday.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,801973,00.html

Being that Standard & Poor´s threatened downgrade of 15 out of 17 euro-zone countries (including Germany ITSELF) is “completely exaggerated,” “out of the clear blue sky” and an irresponsible threat that simply “can´t be a coincidence,” it must be another one of those sinister American conspiracies again (yawn).

http://www.focus.de/finanzen/news/staatsverschuldung/sundp-ankuendigung-dient-die-herabstufung-europas-den-amerikanern_aid_691438.html

Personally, I also believe that the Americans were the ones behind the US of A´s recent downgrade, too. But maybe that´s just me.

“Manchmal fällt es schwer, den Eindruck zu widerlegen, dass einige amerikanische Ratingagenturen und Fondsmanager gegen die Eurozone arbeiten.”

It’s Us Against Them

December 2, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Facebook, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Internet, Paranoia, Satire, Schizophrenia, Technology 1 Comment

Us as in US, I mean.

German authorities are trying to limit what the American tech companies can do, but the Silicon Valley giants are fighting back (the key word is American here, folks).

Give the Germans what they want, I say. But what DO they want, anyway (this is one of my favorite German schizophrenia thangs).

It’s worth noting that Facebook and Google are actually quite popular in the country — the BBC reported in September that “a quarter of the German population are active Facebook users and Google has 95% of the country’s search market.”

Just In Case You Didn’t Know Who To Vote For

December 1, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Der Spiegel, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Republicans, Satire, The Tea Party 5 Comments

Der Spiegel http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,800850,00.html (sorry, having trouble with the posting today) has put together a highly nuanced and in depth political analysis about US Republican presidential candidates. It is called “A Club of Liars, Demagogues and Ignoramuses.”

Here are just a few of the more insightful insights:

The current crop of candidates have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein (so like they don’t like Einstein, or what?).

They lie. They cheat. They exaggerate. They bluster. They say one idiotic, ignorant, outrageous thing after another (good thing we have the Democrats as an alternative).

The US elections are a reality show after all, a pseudo-political counterpart to the Paris Hiltons, Kim Kardashians and all the “American Idol” and “X Factor” contestants littering today’s TV (I don’t get this but it sounds like it must be astute or something).

The Grand Old Party is ruining the entire country’s reputation (uh, what reputation are we talking about here anyway?).

…Which goes to show that this “movement” (the Tea Party), sponsored by Fox News, has never been interested in the actual business of governing or in the intelligence and intellect that it requires. They are only interested in marketing themselves, for ratings and dollars (if given the choice I’d take the ratings at the moment).

Americans have a short memory (this one sure does, I’ve forgotten your article already).

Is It Really Over?

November 28, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helections, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Protest, Protestors, Satire, Stuttgart, Stuttgart 21, The Green Shirts, The Greens 4 Comments

Finished? Endlich vorbei? Finito and all that? For real?

Das Votum der Bürger in Baden-Württemberg ist eindeutig: Stuttgart 21 soll gebaut werden. Das führt zu Erleichterung einerseits, Ärger andererseits. Und Politikern, die sich die Sache schönreden.

I don´t have to hear about Stuttgart 21 demonstrators anymore? I don´t have to wonder anymore about why I´ve never understood how people can go ballistic about rebuilding a city´s freakin´train station underground as if it were some unspeakably important social issue? Honest? You´re not shitting me here? The war is finally over and Johnny can come marching home?

Well then let us all stand and sing together!

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the Lord;
he is trampling out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are stored;
he hath loosed the fateful lightning
of his terrible swift sword;
his truth is marching on.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

British Selfish, Germans Bossy

November 18, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art, History, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Cameron, Diplomacy, Euro, Euro Crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Merkel, Satire, UK Leave a comment

British Prime Minister David Cameron just can’t wait to visit German Chancellor Angela Merkel in Berlin today. Honest.

They really like each other. Really. Despite the clashing views on the euro and the suspicion and the reproaches and the German bashing and the Schadenfreude and those behind the scenes upbraids and the secret plans and those numerous ugly encounters on the football field (some call it soccer) we have all had to watch because we just can’t look away.

Geez. Why can’t everybody be more down-to-earth and even-keeled and well-liked like us Americans?

“We are sick of you criticizing us.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habitudes