Forget The Ploughshares

We’re going to turn our old Cold War military bases into wildlife preserves.

Peace

The German government has announced plans to convert 62 disused military bases just west of the Iron Curtain into nature reserves for eagles, woodpeckers, bats, and beetles (personally, I wouldn’t trust a woodpecker as far as I could throw one).

Jeepers. It’s not like Germany has a need for a military presence anymore or anything.

We are fortunate that we can now give these places back to nature,” says German Environment Minister Barbara Hendricks. Whatever that is. Nature, I mean.

Welcome To The Hotel Kalimera

You can checkout any time you like. But you can never leave.

Tourists

Are German tourists still welcome in crisis-battered Greece? “Definitely!” insists the travel board of Europe’s top economy, which nevertheless issued a few words of caution Thursday.

Protracted talks on Greece’s debt crisis may have driven up tensions with Europe’s paymaster Germany but visitors can still count on a warm reception, the German Travel Association (DRV) said.

But what if Greece should default on its loans, exit the eurozone and reintroduce the drachma? Fear not, the DRV said. “There would only be a limited impact on holidaymakers, particularly those on package tours. Flights, hotel stays and bus transfers are bought and covered by contracts.”

Practice Your German Tonight

And your Cold War attitudes from the 80s, while you’re at it. Looks like we might be needing them again.

Deutschland 83

“Deutschland 83” premieres 11 p.m. Wednesday on SundanceTV.

SundanceTV’s “Deutschland 83” is the first German-language series ever broadcast on a U.S. network. The eight-part fictional spy thriller is set in 1983, when the then-split Germany was the hot spot for escalating nuclear tensions between NATO and the Soviet Union.

Vladimir Putin: “More than 40 new intercontinental ballistic missiles able to overcome even the most technically advanced anti-missile defense systems will be added to the make-up of the nuclear arsenal this year.”

Gimme A G! Gimme An R!

As time ticks down for a deal, Athens and the lenders remain at odds over how far Greece is willing to bend to meet demands for austerity in exchange for funds desperately needed to avoid a default. The dispute is likely to come to a head by a European summit on June 25, or possibly earlier, at which either Mr. Tsipras or German Chancellor Angela Merkel may have to back down.

GREXIT

In a speech to Syriza party lawmakers, Mr. Tsipras said that Greece cannot accept deeper austerity demands from its international creditors—other eurozone countries and the International Monetary Fund, accusing them of trying to humiliate the country and the IMF of having “criminal responsibility” for the country’s current economic woes.

Russian And Chinese Intelligence Services Now Big Edward Snowden Fans, Too

It’s not just the Germans who worship the very ground this guy whistleblows on. The Russian and Chinese spy communities are really thrilled with him, too. Particularly when it comes to the secret information they have now been able to access by breaking into the encrypted files held by the heroic American turncoat.

Snowden

“Snowden has done incalculable damage,” one British intelligence source has just reported. “In some cases the agencies have been forced to intervene and lift their agents from operations to prevent them from being identified and killed.”

Russland und China sollen streng geheime Dokumente des früheren US-Geheimdienstmitarbeiters und Whistleblowers Edward Snowden entschlüsselt haben.

Mutti Looks Mad

Some say it has something to do with Greece or something.

Mad

A small majority of Germans now want Greece out of the single currency, while an overwhelming majority believe that Europe shouldn’t offer Athens any new concessions to keep it in the bloc, according to a new poll from the German broadcaster ZDF.

Euroländer bereiten sich auf Griechenland-Pleite vor

Speaking Of Friends…

This guy gives me gas for some reason.

Gazprom

And he gives Germany some 35 percent of their natural gas, too (not that mine isn’t). AND he’s got this big cat-shit eating grin on his face right now because he just warned them (and the rest of Europe) about the big Versorgungslücke (gas supply gap) that will soon be hitting them but not to worry one little bit because I got all the gas you want for you right here, pal.

Thank goodness countries like Germany thought ahead and only import a mere 35 percent of the natural gas they need from Russia. Otherwise a dangerous dependency might have developed that could have eventually even threatened the Energiewende itself!

Gazprom warnt “Träumer” im Westen vor Gas-Engpass

Know Your Friends

You know, like you know your enemies? But with friends like this…

NATO

According to a Pew Research Center study, only 38 percent of Germans would want to help a NATO country if it were to be attacked by Russia. Far more than half of those asked would be against it. So much for NATO’s Article 5.

Das ist im Vergleich mit anderen Nato-Ländern die größte Ablehnung militärischer Hilfe nach Artikel 5 des Nato-Vertrags, der im Angriffsfall die gemeinsame Verteidigung vorsieht. In Italien (51 Prozent), Frankreich (53) und Spanien (47) sind die Werte der Umfrage zufolge etwas niedriger, während in Polen und Großbritannien fast die Hälfte der Befragten für eine militärische Unterstützung wäre.

Greece Worried Eurozone Could Collapse

And Greece is willing to help.

Tsipras

Greek prime minister Alexis Tsipras has just pointed out to Merkel, Hollande & Co. that his country, accounting for a whopping 2% of the eurozone’s economy, is now finally ready to lend officials in Brussels all the money they will need in the turbulent times to come. Provided, of course, that they hand it all over to Greece first (along with a couple zillion euros on top for administrative fees).

Let’s get this over with, people.

„Es wäre der Anfang vom Ende der Eurozone.“ Tsipras warnte, dass die Kosten für die europäischen Steuerzahler enorm seien.