Our CO2 Doesn’t Stink

Or maybe it’s green or something. At any rate, Germany just managed to block the adoption of new emissions limits for cars produced in the European Union. This was necessary because, well, this legislation would have handicaped Germany’s automobile industry, focused as it is on the luxury car sector.


Germany has long seen itself as a leader when it comes to efforts to reduce CO2 emissions and combat climate change. Indeed, Chancellor Angela Merkel’s government remains committed to radically expanding its reliance on renewable energies in the coming decades.

But when it comes to reducing the amount of greenhouse gases German-made automobiles produce, Berlin is far less ambitious.

“It is a scandal.”


This Just In: Germans Drive Too Fast

During something they’re now calling a Blitz-Marathon (speed trap marathon), some 4000 German police caught some 30,000 German speeders during a large-scale 24-hour, well, speed trap marathon.

338 of these speed freaks were driving so fast that they are now facing a driving ban.

Germans everywhere are nevertheless empört (indignant) about this sneaky police campaign, however, because… Because, uh… Well, because Germans everywhere drive too fast. That’s just what they do.

Der schnellste Raser sei auf der Autobahn bei Düsseldorf mit 176 statt der erlaubten 60 Stundenkilometer erwischt worden.

Electric Cars Have Already Reached A Whopping 0.01 Percent Of All Registered Cars In Germany

That’s some, uh, 4,600 vehicles. At this rate, the German government’s plan to have 1 million electric cars on the road by 2020 will be reached easily.

Or maybe not. Because those pesky German consumers still haven’t got the message and think that these babies are too expensive and don’t have a long enough range to make them attractive as, you know, as cars.

So that’s why the German government, flexible as it is, has now said that their goal of 1 million electric cars by 2020 (set last year) has now become a goal of 600,000 electric cars by 2020. I can’t wait to see what next year’s goal for 2020 will be like.

Damn. I’m impressed. This German Energiewende (energy turnaround) is getting easier and easier to reach all the time.

“If we don’t create incentives, then the whole thing is going to fail,” the Green party said in a statement.

Size Matters

There appears to be only one thing that Germans love more than being greener than green and concerned about saving the environment (and having to pay soaring fuel prices all the damned time in the process).

And that’s buying big honking high-horsepower cars with ever bigger engines all the freakin’ time. Vroom! Vroom!

In the first seven months of 2012, the average horsepower of the engines of new cars sold in Germany stood at 138 hp, up from a previous record of 135 hp seen in 2011 and 130 hp in 2010.

Die Deutschen lieben immer stärkere Autos – im Schnitt hat jeder Wagen um drei PS zugelegt.

And the loser is…

Don’t park here.

There’s only one thing Germans like to do more with their cars than wash them. You guesed it, it’s parking them.

And that’s why finding the proper parking garage is so important here. And that’s why German parking garages are checked out on a regular basis by the ADAC mafia. And that’s why that one up there is the miesestes (lousiest) parking garage in all of Germany: Hamburg’s City-Hof Parkhaus. And here I was sure it would be that piece of crap one I’ve had to use twice now here in Berlin.

But in the category “Drivability” (Navigability?) it got a big fat 0, which is, I must admit, relativley low.

Funny though, I never thought you had much choice in the matter of where you get to park your stupid car when you have to park it in a certain stupid part of town, but whatever.

“Die Auf- und Abfahrten zu den Parkebenen sind zu steil, haben eine Neigung von 19 Prozent. Aufsetzen und Schäden am Auto können die Folge sein. Bei Gegenverkehr muss man oft den Rückwärtsgang einlegen.”

Speaking of German cars…

Americans sure like buying them – again. Germans aren’t all that interested in them anymore, though (no more cash-for-clunkers).

Orders abroad are up 22 percent in May compared to a year earlier – with China and the United States providing the demand. We’ve been through this before, haven’t we (and again and again)?

“Die Bedeutung des US-Marktes nimmt wieder zu.”

Go west, German autombile companies!

Mit einem blauen Auge davongekommen (getting out of the econmic crisis with just a black eye), German automobile locust types now have their other eye clearly focused on US-Amerika and plan to produce even more of their fancy schmancy Germerican cars there.

Actually, they’ve been doing this quite some time already and doing it quite well, thank you. They’ve continually increased their share of the American Automobile Market Pie these past five years and now enjoy a healthy 7.3 percent piece of it. And believe it or not, the American auto market is still the biggest in the world, although I wouldn’t know why. Or you wouldn’t think so these days, I mean.

Or could it be that German auto makers just want to get the hell out of Germany because, I dunno, German workers are too expensive? Nah.

Die deutsche Autoindustrie sieht sich in den USA als Krisengewinner.

Nobody don’t want our cars no more neither

Germany’s car industrial complex is slowly turning into more of a complex kind of a complex if you know what I’m sayin’ as demand for car sales has dropped to a twenty year low here, which isn’t all that very complex at all if you stop and think about it. Once considered to be about as invulnerable to economic fluctuations as the German car industry, the German car industry is now starting to look like the American one. Well no, it ain’t quite that ugly. But let’s just say der Lack ist ab (all the glamour, or paint, is gone, or at least going).

Cars for sale! Cars for sale!

After several German car manufacturers decided to send thousands of their employees on a not so well-deserved five-week Kurzarbeit (reduced hours) Christmas break, which must have ruined a whole lot of otherwise quite stable marriages, the workers are now returning but a better market situation isn’t. Sales of BMW in evil US-Amerika, for instance, are over forty percent lower than they were a year ago. The Nightmare On Assembly Line Street continues, in other words. Freddy Krueger is a German name, by the way.

Why it’s getting so bad (how bad is it?), it’s getting so bad that German male men car executive types are now having to let themselves be lectured at like little school boys by a woman, of all people, about how to make cars, of all things, or at least how man (one) could make them. Angie wants them to be more “innovative” or something.

This is of course an impossible thing to ask however as Germans only know how to make race cars and this solar and battery stuff just isn’t sexy enough, at least not yet. And nuclear energy-powered cars would just be verboten out of hand so don’t even ask.

“Der Auftragsbestand liegt um elf Prozent unter dem Vorjahreswert und damit auf dem niedrigsten Niveau seit Ende der 80er Jahre.”