German ISIS Defectors Explain How Terrorist Lifestyle Was Actually Somewhat Disappointing

August 7, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Islamic State, Islamic Terrorism, Syria, Terrorism Leave a comment

Clearly not the sharpest knives in the drawer, two Germans who fought for ISIS in Syria are standing trial back home and are now prepared to give “deep insights” into the life of foreign fighters in Islamic State.

One of the very first deep insights appears to be that life as an ISIS terrorist really, really, really sucks. Who would have thought that?

Although facing a potential jail term of 10 to 20 years, the IS defector called Ebrahim B. claimed to have gone through such horrible atrocities during three months in the Islamic State that “for him jail in Germany is preferable to freedom in Syria.”

Germans Arrive In Tehran For Piece Talks

July 20, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Iran, Islamic Terrorism, Sanctions, Sigmar Gabriel, Terrorism, Trade 1 Comment

Piece of the pie talks, that is.

Roughly four minutes after a deal with world powers over Iran’s nuclear program was reached, Germany’s Economy Minister Sigmar Gabriel flew down to Tehran (and boy are his arms tired) in another selfless attempt to bring more love and understanding to the troubled region and make tons and tons of money selling German stuff to the moolah-mullahs again in the process.

German exports to Iran hit 4.4 billion euros in 2005 but then slumped to 1.8 billion by 2013 as the West tightened the sanctions imposed over Iran’s nuclear programme. However, the agreement between Iran and six world powers including Germany has opened the prospect that the sanctions will be removed.

It CAN Happen Here?

June 26, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hate, Helplessness Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Islamic Terrorism, Terror, Terrorism, Tunisia Leave a comment

Or it’s certainly getting a whole lot closer, at least. They are not going to stop until they are right up in your face, my friends.

But let’s forget about that for now and get back to worrying about the NSA’s overzealous spying activities, shall we?

Germans among the dead in attack on Tunisia resort

Our Espionage Doesn’t Stink

May 4, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, CIA, German, Germans, Germany, NSA, Security, Spying, Terrorism 1 Comment

On the one hand, we as German spies only do nice spying and would never spy on friends much less on other other nice Germans like ourselves.

“But on the other hand, intelligence agencies are working to ensure the public’s safety and the German government will do everything it can to ensure that it can carry out its job.

“And this ability to carry out its duties in the face of international terrorism threats is done in cooperation with other intelligence agencies, and that includes first and foremost the NSA.”

Deutschland regt sich über eine Spionageaffäre auf. Dabei wäscht seit Jahrzehnten unter den westlichen Diensten eine Hand die andere. Wir sollten endlich realistisch mit dem Thema Sicherheit umgehen.

German Of The Day: Heimatfilme

April 29, 2015 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, CIA, Claire Danes, Films, German, Germans, Germany, Homeland, Language, Terrorism, TV Series 2 Comments

Heimatfilm (German pronunciation: [ˈhaɪmatˌfɪlm], German for “homeland-film“; German plural: Heimatfilme) is the name given to a film genre that was popular in Germany, Switzerland, and Austria from the late 1940s to the early 1970s. They were usually shot in the Alps, the Black Forest, or the Lüneburg Heath and always involved the outdoors. These films were noted for their rural settings, sentimental tone and simplistic morality, and centered on love, friendship, family and non-urban life. Also, the polarity between old and young, tradition and progress, and rural and urban life was articulated. The typical plot structure involved both a “good” and “bad” guy wanting a girl, conflict ensuing, and the “good” guy ultimately triumphing to win the girl to the happiness of everyone and the children.

Well that’s cool and all but I guess they’ve tweaked the genre around a bit because they’re going to film the next bunch of “homeland-films” with lots of guns and blood and terror and stuff right here in not so non-urban Berlin itself. But still.

The fifth series will pick up two-and-a-half years after the previous one ended, with main character Carrie Mathison out of the Middle East and in self-imposed exile in the German Capital.

Duplicitous Doll Disses Deso Dogg (Da Dope)

February 16, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Deso Dogg, Espionage, FBI, German, Germans, Germany, Homegrown Terrorism, Honey Trap, Humor, ISIS, Kreuzberg, Mata Hari, Rappers, Sex, Spies, Syria, Terrorism Leave a comment

Talk about your sleeper cell. That smooth-ISIS-rapping womanizer Deso Dog, aka Denis Da Dogg himself, just fell for the oldest trick in the How-to-Spy-101-for-Dummies book and married an FBI operative who just slipped off to Turkey only to be turned over to those caring folks at the FBI in the US-Amerika itself.

But not before she had transmitted tons of way cool information to them about the romantic rapping sap. Like how he throws down his rhymes half-naked in front of the bathroom mirror, I suppose. And what kind of top secret plans he and his ISIS buddies have been working on these days. You know, stuff like that. Dumbass.

Der ISIS-Kämpfer (39) in Syrien war in die Liebesfalle einer Undercover-Agentin getappt. Sie sollte eine enge Beziehung zu ihm aufbauen, um auf diese Weise wichtige Informationen über die Terrortruppe abzuschöpfen.

Hard To Find German News Reports About This For Some Strange Reason

January 11, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Cartoons, Charlie Hebdo, Firebombings, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Hamburg, Hamburger Morgenpost, Islamization, Terrorism 5 Comments

This firebombing last night of the Hamburger Morgenpost tabloid “that published Charlie Hebdo cartoons on the front page after the Paris massacre.”

Strange, don’t you think? You can find all kinds of stuff about anti-Pegida demonstrations and the German Defense Minister’s plans to put more women (like herself) at higher positions in the Bundeswehr and “the coming traffic chaos during the next vacation season” but other than that, well, it seems to be let’s-get-our-head-in-the-sand time again, as usual.

Maybe these terrorists know what they’re doing after all.

The regional tabloid daily, the Hamburger Morgenpost, had splashed three Charlie Hebdo cartoons on its front page after the Paris massacre, running the headline “This much freedom must be possible!”

No one was hurt in the attack in the northern port city, which police said occurred at about 1.20am on Sunday.