A man dressed as Santa Claus poses with his ‘helpers’ who are busy answering children’s letters in the Santa Claus post office in the Eastern German town of Himmelpfort (Heaven’s Gate) on November 10, 2011. Children can send their Christmas wish lists to Himmelpfort from around the world and receive a reply from Santa. In 2010, the post office here received 285.000 letters in 17 languages.
Merry Christmas and stuff like that.
Would you accept a free drink from a total stranger? Hell yeah, I would (it’s not like anybody is ever going to offer me one).
But Berlin police say this is not a good idea these days, as a man serving vodka-schnapps spiked with a date-rape drug is causing nausea and hurt Christmas feelings at that Berlin Christmas market nearest you.
So you better be good, you better not pout. Just say no. Ho, ho, ho.
Jüngst war der Täter als Weihnachtsmann verkleidet.
We’re the Greens. You know, green like money (well it’s green back home)? And that’s what it’s going to cost you too, having voted for us like you did – and yet will (the Greens have become a Volkspartei or major party since Fukushima, remember?).
We only want to help you and we are only doing this for your own good, but in order to ecologically retrofit the German nation it will unfortunately be necessary for our subjects everywhere, green or not, to pay quite heavily through the nose.
It’s all about Umverteilung (redistribution – of other people’s money), as usual. And here at our party convention in Kiel we have come up with just a few of the ways with which this will soon be done:
The toll for trucks will be increased.
The company car privilege will be phased out.
Ecological taxation will be increased, loopholes will be closed.
The tax advantage for married couples will be phased out.
Reduced rate exceptions for the value added tax will be eliminated.
The top tax rate will be increased to 49% (beginning with 80,000 euros gross).
The flat rate withholding tax will be replaced with a progressive tax.
A capital levy on “the rich” will be introduced.
A capital tax will be introduced (replacing the capital levy on “the rich” after ten years).
A “financial market transaction tax” will be introduced.
Like we said, these are just a few modest suggestions for Vorspeise (an appetizer). Just wait until we are actually in power.
Qualität hat ihren Preis (everything comes at a price).
Viva la revolución verde!
Or was it government inaction?
Here’s my personal favorite when it comes to the best (as in worst) cases of German tax revenue negligence for 2011 (so far):
The Bundeswehr stores 227 million rifle cartridges having a combined worth of 116 million euros. At least 40 percent of these cartridges have been stored improperly, however, they are now corroded and can no longer be used and will cost the German taxpayer approximately 46 million euros.
Actually, though, if you think about it, it’s surprising that the Bundeswehr doesn’t have to throw away more corroded ammunition than they already do.
Der Schaden beläuft sich auf 1,5 Milliarden Euro.
How about German Soul made in Berlin Schöneberg?
“Die deutsche Seele ist vor allem vielfach, verschiedenen Ursprungs, mehr zusammen- und übereinandergesetzt als wirklich gebaut: das liegt an ihrer Herkunft.”
Don’t ever eat German food in northern Afghanistan.
Some 200 NATO soldiers got food poisoning after eating in a German canteen in the ISAF regional headquarters in Mazar-i-Sharif.
But don’t worry, everbody has recovered and “overall fighting strength was not affected” (for the better? – maybe you should worry).
Too bad the kitchen has already been disinfected and everything. They could have started offering this stuff to the Taliban.
Army scientists were still hunting for the source of the infection.
First the good news: Germans are no more depressive than they used to be.
The bad news is that they are now no longer expected to keep their depressions to themselves and are being asked to come out of their closets to tell everybody about it.
The numbers are shocking or something. Fear industry experts at the Foundation for German Depression Assistance say that there are four million depressed people in Germany, two-thirds of them being women. Just like the rest of us, their lives are filled with angst, emptiness and desperation. But unlike others, these folks are much easier to manipulate (by organizations like the Foundation of German Depression Assistance, for instance) and can and will be made to come public with their ailments, real or imaginary, thus “breaking a taboo” and further increasing their number and the throng of psychotherapeutically challenged pilgrims to organizations like, well, take a guess.
The development is in fact so dramatic that comedian Harald Schmidt has been asked to get involved as a sponsor. And anybody who wasn’t depressed before attending a conference moderated by this guy will be by the time he leaves.
Gee. All of this gives German depression assistance a whole new meaning or something.
Vier Millionen Depressive in Deutschland – das kann nicht nur am Fernsehprogramm liegen.
Not in this cola.
Unlike western or occidental cola types that apparently have all kinds of animal rests floating around in them (gelatine is used), new and improved (and oriental) Haji Cola is made in compliance with Islamic hygiene regulations and guaranteed halal, albeit admittedly “less tingling” than what you might be used to.
And the stuff is selling like halal hotcakes in Hamburg too, or might one day. But don’t worry, religion does not play a role here, folks (that’s why they call it halal?). Love does. The love of money. Geez, talk about your occidental attitude.
“Religion spielt keine Rolle.“
Always talking about spiritual renewal, faith, the heart, love, apostles, saints and stuff like that, many German Catholics were clearly disappointed with Pope Benedict XVI’s visit to his homeland over the weekend.
“It’s like an obsession with this guy or something,” one irritated non-churchgoer said. “All he ever talks about is freakin’ religion. He didn’t bring up sexual abuse, abortion, celibacy or letting women become priests once. Boring. I thought he’d never leave.”
The pope drew hundreds of thousands of German faithful to services held on stops during his trip, including a final Mass early Sunday that attracted about 100,000 people to an airfield beside Freiburg’s airport.
“Neither domestically nor abroad,” Mr. Kohl said.
“I have to ask myself, where does Germany actually stand today and where does it want to go?”
Merkel’s UN abstention was popular in German polls. And as the Libya NATO operation proved indecisive and messy, with rebels in pickup trucks taking towns and then retreating, and with talk of quagmire, some German officials were telling French colleagues, “We told you so.”
Observing Hermann 