More State Control Of Media In Germany?

Like, than they already have? What could possibly go wrong?

Control

OK, it didn’t quite work out as planned back in the 1930s (or did it?), but today’s enlightened media experts are much more, you know, enlightened and stuff. And it is social media they’re talking about here, after all. So take a chill pill already. They’re from the government and they’re here to help.

A Lesson From 1930s Germany: Beware State Control of Social Media – Regulators should think carefully about the fallout from well-intentioned new rules and avoid the mistakes of the past.

The history of radio, and in particular how it was regulated in interwar Germany, is more relevant than ever: Five years ago, the question was whether we would regulate social media. Now the questions are how and when we will regulate them. As politicians and regulators in places as disparate as Berlin, Singapore, and Washington—even Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg—consider how best to do so, we should think carefully about the fallout from well-intentioned new rules and avoid the mistakes of the past.

“Our way of taking power and using it would have been inconceivable without the radio and the airplane.”

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Germans Can’t Live Without Facebook

Or at least that’s the impression I get. Otherwise, if they were so terribly worried about what Facebook does with their data, they would simply stop using it. It’s still a “free” service, right? But, of course, nothing is ever for free.

Facebook

Facebook is open about collecting a broad variety of personal information, from facial recognition data to, yes, “likes” on other sites. Privacy-minded people can easily find out what Facebook knows about them and even download the data. So it’s not as if users were deceptively kept in the dark about Facebook’s harvesting of “21st century raw materials.” That, however, is not the Federal Cartel Office’s main concern; it’s that Facebook, as a company dominant in its market, forces users to agree to these harvesting practices: They don’t really have any place else to go for their digital social needs if they feel uncomfortable about how their data are used. If it’s a choice “between accepting ‘the whole Facebook package,’ including an extensive disclosure of personal data, or not using Facebook at all,” as the regulator put it in a December document, and if Facebook is a dominant company, it’s illegal in Germany.

The regulatory attack on personal data harvesting is based on the unproven assumption that the data are valuable.

Orwell In Da House

It’s been a long time coming, people. Now the New Germans finally have what they have wanted all along, it seems: Full-blown, voluntary, participatory state censorship (got a better term?). It’s what you’d call grass roots censorship, I guess.

Orwell

Beatrix von Storch, a leading figure in the Alternative for Germany party, is one of the first hit by new hate speech laws on social media… A top lawmaker from the anti-immigration Alternative for Germany (AfD) party was blocked from Twitter and Facebook on Monday after slamming the Cologne police for sending a New Year’s tweet in Arabic.

The first groundbreaking hate crime is wondering why the police in North Rhine-Westphalia tweet in Arabic? Damn. I need to get my brain properly washed. That rather freaks me out, too.  “What the hell is happening in this country? Why is an official police site tweeting in Arabic? Do you think it is to appease the barbaric, gang-raping hordes of Muslim men?”

Brain Police 2.0 is out now, folks! Go get it before it gets you.

“Was zur Hölle ist in diesem Land los, wieso twittert eine offizielle Polizeiseite aus NRW auf Arabisch?”, schrieb von Storch. “Meinen Sie, die barbarischen, muslimischen, gruppenvergewaltigenden Männerhorden so zu besänftigen?”

Facebook’s Behind It

Never having been a country with anti-Jewish sentiment issues before, German President Frank-Walter Steinmeier, aka Schlafmütze (sleepyhead), just did a little research and was shocked to discover that those awful American social media companies are the reason for the increased anti-Jewish sentiment in Germany today.

Facebook

“Social media often propagates the spread of hate messages and antisemitic provocation,” Steinmeier said, noting that the trend is growing across Europe. Except in Germany, of course, because trend isn’t really the right word for it here. Thanks to social media, he reiterated.

 

Spontaneous German Response To Brussels Attacks Hits ISIS Terrorists Where It Hurts Them Most

In their hurts-to-laugh muscle or the so-called “intercostals” located right here, between the ribs, that’s where.

Love

Pictures of smiling people raising a glass to the camera bloomed across social media in Germany on Tuesday, in a spontaneous response to the Brussels attacks…

The “here’s to love” hashtag was launched by a social media editor at Spiegel Online, who posted a picture of herself on Facebook holding a glass with the caption “Here’s to love, listening to one another, respecting oneself and others, being honest, shouting, screaming, talking about everything and drinking, to kissing and confetti, to life and freedom.”

Netz-Reaktionen auf Brüssel: „Gestern und heute wollte es #AufDieLiebe trinken.“

Don’t forget, jihadis: Because the rib cage contracts rapidly during laughing (as with coughing and sneezing), sharp pain can result if there are trigger points in your intercostals. Luckily, relieving these trigger points is often straight forward and fairly simple. Read here to find out more!

Edumacated Germans To Smart Four So-So Media

You know, like Tweeter and all that stuff?

Social Media

Uh oh. Just look at that chart. Yet another German Alleingang (solo action), or what?

Statistics show that unlike other industrial nations, more highly-educated Germans avoid social networks than people with little or no education.

“This mixture of protectionism and distaste for communication organized through the market economy makes the educated classes see the power of social media more as a threat than an opportunity.”

Mehr Bildung = weniger Social Media. Jedenfalls in Deutschland

Hate Speech To Be Gone Within 24 Hours, Dumb Speech Remains Untouched

In an international move of solidarity to promote goodness and niceness the world over for the betterment of the entire human race itself,  the nations of Germany, Facebook Google and Twitter have agreed to end hate speech from their websites in our time or at least within 24 hours of its issue.

Facebook

“This cuts right to the root of the whole hate thing,” a spokesman for the nation of Germany stressed. “As we have all learned through our years of experience in enforcing political correctness, merely using the proper terminology or “newspeak” is enough to alleviate the actual causes behind this improper way of thinking, I mean speaking. It’s like magic.”

Another spokesman assured the public that only hate speech will be targeted here and that all that other kinds of dumb, inane and annoying speech, the vast majority of speech that’s out there, will remain untouched.

“Wir dürfen den geistigen Brandstiftern nicht das Feld überlassen – weder auf der Straße noch im Netz.”