German Of The Day: Nervenzusammenbruch

That means nervous breakdown. Having them is a favorite German pastime. These days especially.

Germans on the verge of a nervous breakdown – It’s a sign of the nation’s fraught state of mind that many seriously believe this week’s unlikely plotters could have toppled democracy.

Early Wednesday, thousands of balaclava-clad German police officers fanned out across the country, arresting 25 people and seizing weapons to upend what authorities described as a diabolical plot to overthrow the country’s government and reinstate the monarchy. The group’s “military arm” was surreptitiously building “a new German army,” the lead prosecutor on the case said.

A day later, however, the case looks more like the script of a Monty Python episode than a sequel to the Day of the Jackal…

Al Qaeda it was not.

German Of The Day: Kreislaufzusammenbruch

That means circulatory collapse. That’s one of my favorate fake German illnesses.

Anybody here (generally women) can get it at any time under any circumstances.

12 Illnesses You Can Only Catch in German – There are illnesses that you can only catch in German. No, seriously! If you try to explain these illnesses in any other language, people are going to cock their heads in confusion or outright laugh at you.

The Next Imaginary Disease

In Germany. It’s called “COVID Fueled Racism.”

The Media Brain Police crank these out so fast I can hardly keep up with them, folks.

Has COVID fueled racism? Germany sees dramatic rise in complaints – Germany’s anti-discrimination agency has a recorded a 78% rise in calls for help since last year. That is more than ever before, with the Black Lives Matter movement and the coronavirus pandemic seen as drivers.

Out through the night and the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases
Out through the night and the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases…

Trump Derangement Syndrome Vs. Coronavirus Anxiety Syndrome

Which syndrome has Germans more disturbed?

Trump

Like, duh. TDS wins hands down.

Germans fear Donald Trump more than coronavirus – Despite the COVID-19 pandemic, Trump tops the list of things Germans fear the most, a new survey found.

Trump ranks number one this year on Germans’ list of fears at 53%. The US president has topped the R+V fear scale as early as 2018.

German Of The Day: Angststörung

That means anxiety disorder.

Angststörung

Germans don’t have this problem, though. Their anxiety is always in perfect working order.

Etwa fünf Prozent der Bevölkerung haben einmal in ihrem Leben generalisierte Ängste. Frauen sind häufiger betroffen als Männer.

“Ich war irgendwann überzeugt, mein Zahn wird ausfallen.”

 

Stress Lady Back With A Vengeance

Just like she already was here and here and here and here. And here.

Stress

Jeepers. What took her so long this time? I mean, what with all of this refugee-terror-soccer-match-cancellation-stress going on around here these days.

But as it turns out, she and her German compatriots don’t seem to be all that stressed out about those kind of things, believe it or not (believe it).

The latest stress survey indicates, for instance, that about one quarter of all Germans are primarily stressed out about the kind of stress that they put themselves under. These are Germans stressed out about being , well, German, I guess you could say. Damn. I wouldn’t want to live under that kind of stress, either.

Some 19 percent are stressed out about not having enough money.

Around 15 percent need more sleep and early retirement, I assume, because having to work for a living is a really big stress factor for them.

And 14 percent are stressed out by not having enough time to do what they want to do. You know, like being more stressed out about stuff?

The Germans remaining, I assume, were not able to adequately stress through verbal communication just how stressed out they really, truly are.

Wie die GfK in einer am Mittwoch veröffentlichten Umfrage herausgefunden hat, stellt der Druck, den man sich selbst macht, die hauptsächliche Stress-Ursache bei den Deutschen dar.

What To Do When You Get Your Next German Panic Attack

First of all: Don’t panic.

Panic attacks

Then stick your fingers in your ears because you’re probably about to develop an acute case of tinnitus. Because of all off that repressed panic or something.

Tinnitus

But don’t panic about that, either. I SAID BUT DON’T PANIC ABOUT THAT, EITHER!

Panikattacken: Einfache Ratschläge gegen Atemnot, Schwitzen und Herzrasen

German Sommerloch Update: Office Chairs Incorrectly Adjusted For Many Employees

Especially for the ones still on their Sommerloch summer vacations, I bet.

Sommerloch

Sitting for long periods strains the spine. Many desk workers therefore complain about backache. Correctly adjusting the office chair can prevent these complaints, however.

„In vielen Betrieben gibt es gute Stühle, aber die Beschäftigten haben sich damit noch nie befasst.“

15 Cool German Illnesses You Can Only Get Here

Mostly because 1) you probably can’t pronounce them and 2) they don’t really exist.

Zivilizationskrankheit

Germans aren’t hypochondriacs, by the way. They’re Hypochonder.

14. ZIVILISATIONSKRANKHEIT

Zivilisationskrankheit, or “civilization sickness” is a problem caused by living in the modern world. Stress, obesity, eating disorders, carpal tunnel syndrome and diseases like type 2 diabetes are all examples.

“How Realistic Is An Anti-Stress Law?”

Well, in the real world… Not at all. But here in Germany…

Stress

Employment minister Andrea Nahles (SPD) wants to review the situation to see if an anti-stress law can be introduced. The number of stress-related illnesses continues to rise in this country.

If this wasn’t so funny it would be serious. The problem is that nobody who reads this here is laughing. That makes this much more serious than I thought. Which isn’t funny.

Die SPD und Gewerkschaften fordern erneut eine gesetzliche Anti-Stress-Verordnung. Kann gesetzlich geregelt werden, dass der Chef seine Mitarbeiter nicht anrufen darf?