Was This Bridge Built Using Heavy Metal?

Ozzy

Dresden – Metal fans must be cheering but everybody else is rubbing their eyes: Google Maps has turned the Waldschlößchenbrücke into Ozzy Osbourne Bridge!

Metal-Fans dürften jubeln, alle anderen werden sich die Augen reiben: Der Internet-Kartendienst Google Maps hat aus der Dresdner Waldschlößchenbrücke die Ozzy-Osbourne-Brücke gemacht!

German Team Training With Dummies

They are also training with some giant inflatable roly-poly-like figures, too.

Dummies

Injuries have depleted Germany’s defence in such a way that their opening match against Portugal may see four central defenders in the starting lineup, with two of them out of position and two who have rarely played together.

“We do have a little problem there.”

Let The Pre-Sommerloch Activities Begin

Long before the official Sommerloch activities do, I mean.

Lotti

You know. The Sommerloch? That time of year in Germany when the people who manufacture the news are on vacation so the skeleton crew back at the office tries to make do by cranking out monster sightings? As in, if it wasn’t for fake news we wouldn’t have no news at all?

Anyways, Lotti the Turtle Monster herself is back from last summer. Even though she was never actually sighted even then, of course. The villagers or peasants in the area – some place called Irsee (Irrsinn means insanity, by the way, no connection) – have placed a trap for her and are hoping for the best. The best media coverage they can possibly squeeze out of this puppy. I mean turtle. Like in June already.

After all, there’s not much else going on in the news these days, is there? What else are Germans going to be interested in reading about?

Lotti wurde nie gesehen. Ob sie tatsächlich existierte oder die Irseer im vergangenen Sommer einem Phantom hinterher jagten, wird wohl nie geklärt werden.

German Tanks Finally Doing Something Useful

They have rolled in to occupy the city of Düsseldorf.

Tanks

I mean they have rolled in to occupy themselves with Umweltschäden (ecological damage) in the city of Düsseldorf.

This damage was caused by a big honking storm that slammed Germany the other day. And this means war or something.

„Hier sieht‘s aus, wie nach dem Krieg.“

Joe Biden Can Say Squirrel

And that’s not that easy, you know. He can say “xenophobic,” too. For no particular reason at all.

Joe

Joe Biden says all kinds of stuff, all the time. He can say Obama’s healthcare enactment “is a “big f**king deal,” for instance. He can even say to a wheelchair-bound politician to “stand up for a round of applause.” The problem here, of course, is getting Joe Biden to stop staying stuff.

“Look at Germany. Look at the rest of the world. America is the only non-xenophobic nation in the world that’s a major economy.”

This Is Supposed To Be News?

It’s never been any different.

Trust

A poll published by research firm infratest dimap last week indicates German trust in the U.S. has plummeted to lows not seen since the thick of the Iraq war. Another poll, published in May, showed those Germans surveyed were more interested in deepening their country’s ties with China than they were in doing so with the U.S. A third, published in April, showed that nearly half wanted Germany to take a “middle position” in the Ukraine conflict rather than standing firmly on the side of the West.

Maybe The Turks Could Build One Of These New-Fangled Airport Thingies In Berlin, Too

The construction of the world’s largest airport began on June 7 in Istanbul with a massive groundbreaking ceremony. When fully completed in 2018, the 10 billion-euro airport will be able to carry 150 million passengers a year, making it one of the world’s busiest airports.

Airport

Meanwhile, back in Germany…

Berlin’s disastrous airport project (groundbreaking so long ago nobody can remember anymore, at one time planned to open in June 2012 Anno Domini) was hit with another scandal after its technical director was suspended pending an investigation into alleged corruption. A “leading employee” responsible for awarding contracts during the on-going construction of the hopelessly-delayed Berlin Brandenburg airport (BER), is suspected of having demanded €500,000 bribes from a prospective contractor.

Berlin’s airport is already too small.