WaWe 10, Where Are You?

Car 54 couldn’t make it. Man oh man. I want to see this puppy in action sooo bad.

It’s the Berlin Police Department’s brand-new water canon monster WaWe (as in Wasserwerfer) 10, specifically designed to stop those pesky May Day riots in a jiffy, without undue harm to the protesters (and hopefully washing them thoroughly in the process, as well).

But as fate would have it, this year’s anniversary festivities look like they’re going to be pretty lame after all. Kids these days. Who knows, though. Maybe something will ignite that smoldering fuse of indignation in an hour or two once the sun starts setting and WaWe 10 will get its chance to roll out into action after all, all magestic and Robocop-like. And wet. Sexy, isn’t she?

Does anybody out there know if there’s a riot-cam thingy I could link to just in case this party ever does get started?

Die für den Nahbereich gedachte “Wasserwand” soll Protestler nur nass machen und zum Gehen bewegen, ohne zu verletzen.

PS: Thanks, andBerlin! Maybe this link will do the trick.

Big 25th Anniversary Celebrations Scheduled For Tomorrow

Damn. It seems just like yesterday that Berlin’s first May Day March Freak Show Riot began. And it ain’t ended yet, 25 long years later. It’s just become more, well, ritualized, profesionalized and – you guessed it – commercialized.

But tradition is tradition. So please remember, all you hotheads out there (despite all the commercialization), just what this day really means, what it’s all about: Violence for violence sake.

YOU are here for a reason, people. So get out there and make me proud.

 „Die Berliner haben dieses Ritual satt.”

“Wann geht es denn endlich los?”

Anarchists these days. Like where’s the action already?

Scores of riot tourists in Berlin and Hamburg are now demanding their money back after violent clashes between anarchist hot heads and the Polizei failed to materialize last night.

“And this is supposed to be unbridled chaos?” asked one disappointed Berlin visitor. “I’ve seen more action at a funeral parlor. We’ve been waiting around here half the night and not a single Benz is burning. Anywhere. Berlin is poor but sexy, huh? Well it’s boring too.”

Sehr zum Unmut vieler Schaulustiger bleibt es dann an diesem Abend im Schanzenviertel weitgehend ruhig. Bei Bier und Cocktails warten sie darauf, dass Autonome sich mit der Polizei anlegen. “Wann geht es denn endlich los”, fragt ein Mädchen in engen Jeans und braunen Lederstiefeln ihren Begleiter im Polohemd. Eine Digitalkamera baumelt an ihrem Handgelenk.

Let’s get this party started!

It’s official. Berlin police will act immediately and systematically as soon as there is any violence – tomorrow.

You know, tomorrow during Berlin’s vaguely political and completely nonsensical annual May Day riots.

And just in case you’re in town and interested, please get in touch with this guy. He’s your friendly neighborhood left-wing extremist tour guide. The capitalist Schwein.

Die Polizei wird konsequent und unverzüglich einschreiten, sobald Gewalt da ist.”