Genetically-Unmodified Germans Still Opposed To Genetically-Modified Foods

Who cares if genetically-modified crops are now making up a large proportion of harvests in North and South America?

Germans aren’t buying any of this dangerous, hi-tech agro-terror crop, I mean crap because, well, genetically-modified crops are now making up a large proportion of harvests in North and South America (the key word here is North).

After all, any German you ask will tell you that the effect of consuming GM crops is unknown. Other than becoming hungry if you don’t eat them maybe, which is also unknown here. And this only backs up their argument, I think, sort of.

Nach den Plänen der EU-Kommission sollen die weniger strengen Gentechnik-Regelungen für Futtermittel auf Lebensmittel übertragen werden.

I Don’t Know Weather To Believe This Or Not

“This is how the weather will be in Germany until 2100?”

I’d be happy if they could just get the weather report for tomorrow right once in awhile.

“In the future, climate change will hold ready for Germany more sun and severe storms in the summer and intense rainfall in mild winters.”

„Ein einzelnes zu kühles Jahr sagt nichts über Trends aus.“

Remember The Ozone Hole?

We were just kidding.

No, seriously. Something called the Montreal Protocol just saved the world as we know it from most certain destruction, bringing about a “healing of the ozone layer” and thus reducing our exposure to harmful UV rays from the sun which was being caused by, well, refrigerators and aerosol spray cans. Just like that. Almost as if by magic or something.

A German research institute has even confirmed this wonderful news, so you can bet that it’s for real (Germans are very thorough, you know). And said German research institute, like all those other research institutes out there, is being completely objective here and has in no way profited from the research funds given it to research said ozone hole phenomena and only böse Zungen (malicious tongues) would suggest otherwise.

The underlying message here: To rid the world of all manner of unpleasantness and harmful gas, both hot and cold, all we need are more protocols (like Montreal or Kyoto, say), and not less. Or fewer, I mean. And more funding, of course.

“The results are encouraging. The fact that the ozone layer in the regions researched has become thicker is a result of the successful Montreal Protocol.”

This Is An Anglicism

Not an Americanismcism, OK?

Those filthy-mouthed British. “Shitstorm” just won Germany’s Anglicism of the Year award (2011). Wow. I wonder if “Crap Tornado” came in second?

The punchline: “The jury’s decision is meant to emphasize the positive influence of English on the German language.” I don’t make this stuff up, people.

Mit der Wahl will die Jury den positiven Einfluss von englischen Ausdrücken auf die deutsche Sprache hervorheben.

Bad Scientists, Bad!

Even German scientists can reach a saturation point when it comes to all that incredible global climate change hype still blowing in the wind out there.

Normally more than willing to dutifully follow the party line (and the Party is always right, I mean left), two German green-as-they-get researchers have taken the leap and jumped ship to defect to the West, I mean to the dark side. Basically, they think that more CO2 will have little to no effect on the overall climate. This is indefensible, inexcusable, reprehensible and unjustifiable, of course. So now they must die or something.

“One of the fathers of Germany’s modern green movement, Professor Dr. Fritz Vahrenholt, a social democrat and green activist, decided to author a climate science skeptical book together with geologist/paleontologist Dr. Sebastian Lüning. Vahrenholt’s skepticism started when he was asked to review an IPCC report on renewable energy. He found hundreds of errors. When he pointed them out, IPCC officials simply brushed them aside. Stunned, he asked himself, “Is this the way they approached the climate assessment reports?”

Vahrenholt decided to do some digging. His colleague Dr. Lüning also gave him a copy of Andrew Montford’s The Hockey Stick Illusion. He was horrified by the sloppiness and deception he found. Persuaded by Hoffmann & Campe, he and Lüning decided to write the book. Die kalte Sonne cites 800 sources and has over 80 charts and figures. It examines and summarizes the latest science.

Skeptic readers should not think that the book will fortify their existing skepticism of CO2 causing warming. The authors agree it does. but have major qualms about the assumed positive CO2-related feed-backs and believe the sun plays a far greater role in the whole scheme of things.”

Daher treibe ihn als Vorsitzender der Geschäftsführung die Sorge um, dass die Menschen zur gleichen Erkenntnis bei erneuerbaren Energien kommen, wie es jüngst bei der Atomkraft war. “Wenn die Leute merken, dass die Warnungen vor dem Klimawandel stark überzogen sind und der Treibhausgasausstoß nicht die ihm zugeschriebene überragende Rolle spielt, könnten sie sich von den erneuerbaren Energien abwenden”, führt er aus.

ROSAT Soon To Become ROASTSAT

The defunct and smashingly successful 2.7-ton German ROSAT satellite will finally be making its fiery, uncontrolled and less than successful re-entry into our planet’s atmosphere sometime within the next 48 hours.

Important questions to answer here are (there is actually only one): What are the odds that a piece of ROASTSAT debris will hit someone?

Unless you are a German, the likelihood of getting injured as a result of ROASTSAT’s re-entry is extremely low. The probability of a non-German speaker somewhere on Earth getting hit is about 1 in 2,000. Those odds are for any one of the nearly 7 billion people (minus 80 million Germans) on the planet.

The odds that debris will hit you in particular — or your dog, say, unless he or she is a German Shepherd — are still just one in several trillion.

Experten warnen: Teleskop-Spiegel wird zur Bombe.

Hitler more than a wussy

American researchers have set the scientific world and everybody else in an uproar by determining that Adolf Hitler’s bullet-punctured skull fragment actually belonged to a woman, thus making the evil Nazi dictator one of those herself.

Her Hitler!

“This explains a lot of those bizarre hysterical outbreaks of his, I mean hers,” one researcher said. “And that half-ass mustache. And being a vegetarian. Like it all fits together now or something.”

“Ist der Schädel überhaupt echt?”