Never Touch A Running System

Why on earth do the folks over at the Bundeswehr think that they need to have a new camouflage system? The old camouflage is working amazingly well already.

Bundeswehr

Just like that guy up there in the snow, I can hardly find any Bundeswehr soldiers anywhere these days as it is. Not in Iraq, Afghanistan, Mali, you name it.

I also think that they are using some kind of a Klingon Cloaking Device for their tanks and other heavy military equipment, too – for the few pieces of heavy military equipment that are still working. Only they call it a Colonel Klinkon Cloaking Device, of course.

Das Wehrwissenschaftliche Institut hat für die Bundeswehr einen Tarnanzug entwickelt, der auch Nachtsichtgeräte täuschen kann.

Now I Know Why We Can Never Find German Soldiers When We Need Them

They’re hiding.

Sniper

The sniper is straight up from the big boulder in the lower left corner, where the color of the stones changes from light to dark.

“The key question for me and my work at the moment is, how images are used to influence people and their decisions,” Menner wrote. “At the core, hiding snipers and ads for Apple have something in common, since both try to infect us with ideas about things we are not able to see. But I think that this is easier to detect while ‘looking’ at hidden snipers than by looking at Apple ads.”

German Soldiers Build Schools

And roads. And they train the police and only do the things that other bad soldiers won’t do because they reek of goodness and niceness.

Kill Lists

And of course they also select insurgents to be placed on “kill lists” when nobody else is looking (so the bad soldiers can kill them later). But still.

A so-called “Target Support Cell” was based at the German headquarters of Mazar-e-Sharif. The group’s mission was, according to the report, “to collect information for the nomination of individual targets.”

German Women Lousy Combat Soldiers But Still Hot

A survey conducted among German men soldiers in the Bundeswehr has revealed that 34 percent of them do not believe that German women soldiers are up to life in the field. 52 percent say that women cannot physically carry out the demanding duties required of them. A third of the men asked believe that women in these positions have led to a reduction of something they refer to as “combat strength.”

Women

So maybe that’s why fifty-five percent of women in the Bundeswehr have reported some kind of sexual mistreatment on the job, with 47 percent citing verbal abuse, 25 percent saying they had been confronted with pornographic images and 24 percent telling researchers they had experienced “unwanted sexually motivated physical contact.”

But wait a minute here. That line up there about German combat strength just doesn’t fly. The real question here, if you ask me, is what does the Bundeswehr even need combat soldiers for in the first place? The Bundeswehr doesn’t “do” combat as all the world knows that Germans are pacifists and combat is strictly verboten.

Das Leben im Feld? Dem seien die Frauen nicht gewachsen, sagten 34 Prozent (2005: 28 Prozent). Körperlich anspruchsvolle Aufgaben? Die könnten Frauen nicht ausfüllen, sagen inzwischen 52 Prozent (2005: 44 Prozent). Über ein Drittel der Männer beklagt inzwischen durch Frauen den Verlust der Kampfkraft.

German Soldiers Just Can’t Take It Anymore

That’s why 6000 of them (half the German army?) have now put in for early retirement.

Soldaten

No war is hell, too.

Flexibles System der Kinderbetreuung, mehr Tagesmütter für Randzeiten, Teilzeitmöglichkeiten mit einer Drei-oder Viertagewoche in der Familienphase, ein Lebensarbeitszeitkonto für Überstunden. Auch will sie sich das System der nahezu automatischen Versetzungen alle zwei bis drei Jahre „genau ansehen“ und Schluss mit dauernden Ortswechseln machen.

PS: And thank goodness this just came in. Here are the top 10 places for Frührentner (early-retirees) and other retiree types to, well, retire around at (International Living Annual Global Retirement Index 2014).

Pretraumatic Stress Disorder?

Please tell me what I don’t understand here. I just have to have missed something. I reread this article several times, too.

Soldiers

According to a German report about posttraumatic stress disorder, about one fifth of German soldiers suffer from psychische Vorerkrankung (pre-existing psychic strain) BEFORE they are deployed abroad.

I mean, I know Germans are super efficient and all that. But how the hell do you get posttraumatic stress disorder before you ever even make it to the post?

Laut einer Studie zu posttraumatischen Belastungsstörungen (PTBS) haben 20 Prozent der Soldaten eine psychische Vorerkrankung. So ist ihr Risiko größer, nach der Rückkehr unter Problemen zu leiden.

Bundeswehr Protesting Koran Burning Now, Too

In a sharp response to the pure unadulterated fear caused them by the deadly protests now taking place in Afghanistan after the inadvertent burning of copies of the Koran by a US soldier…

The German military has decided to join in the protests itself by rapidly deploying the closure of one of their bases in the north of the country and having their soldiers hightail it in the opposite direction really schnell like where they can run around in sheer panic and large concentric circles not knowing what to do next while screaming oh my God we are all going to die or something to that effect. The few, the proud, the Bundeswehr.

The base would have been shuttered in March, but officials worried its security could not be maintained in the face of the demonstrations.

This Ain’t Iraq

So we can’t pull out completely yet.

But it is time to remove another couple of brigades of American troops from German soil again.

It has long been clear that the US military was going to minimize its presence in Europe. On Thursday, new details emerged, with Washington planning to withdraw two brigades. At least one of those units will be pulled out of Germany.

Europe’s strategic importance for the US military looks to be dwindling.

PS: Speaking of violence… The military is violent, right? And the American military is the most violent of all , right? And we live in the most violent of times, right? Forget it. Everything you know is wrong. Violence is a myth.

More beer rations!

Soldiers like to bitch, I guess. But German soldiers seem to be pushing it a bit these days. Or at least that’s the impression their boss seems to have of them.

Good moaning.

“We cannot guarantee soldiers that they will have an all-round feel-good experience,” Germany’s most senior officer General Wolfgang Schneiderhan has said about the German moaning when it comes to tours abroad.

No, they may not be able to guarantee it, but if you read about the unbearable conditions these guys have to live under “down there” in Afghanistan, for instance, it comes pretty close. Unbearable to read, I mean.

“We have to tell a professional soldier who complains about his third tour of overseas duty that he has to get a grip — this is his profession.”