Buy Amerikan!

These are not real Germans.

Germans

Don’t be fooled by the authentic German attire and flags. These are actually US-Amerikaner with German Wurzeln. Only now they call them roots.

America’s German roots are rich and strong. From California to New York, 48m people claim German ancestry, which would make them the country’s biggest diaspora. But when it comes to owning businesses in America, Germany has punched below its weight, with only 8% of the stock of foreign direct investment (FDI) there. It ranks 7th, behind France, Britain and Japan, among others. British and Japanese firms are especially prone to megalomaniac episodes in which they seek, and fail, to conquer America. German firms have been more cool-headed.

This year, however, things have changed. German giants such as Siemens, SAP, Bayer and Infineon have been on a spree, so far spending more than $65 billion on American firms. Of all the American companies receiving foreign bids this year, a fifth were from German buyers, measured by value. And of all the cross-border takeovers worldwide led by German firms, 60% were for American firms.

Radicalized German Islamists

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.*

Exports

Because somebody has to admire them.

A Bavarian criminal investigator has admitted that the state once actively encouraged radicalized Islamists wanting to fight in the Middle East to leave Germany.

* OK. These are giveaways.

German Goats These Days

They’re either demolishing automobiles in a place called Wiesental

Dinorah

Or playing the lead role in an opera at the Deutsche Oper Berlin. Like, a real goat. I don’t make this stuff up, people.

But I got to tell you that the really bizarre thing about this goat protagonist gig thing is that it isn’t even an original idea:

Dinorah was performed in New York (at the Academy of Music) in Italian on 24 November 1862. As a novelty, it attracted a great deal of attention and (starring the now nearly forgotten Angelina Cordier) was much “ballyooed”. One of its attractions was to be the appearance of an actual, live goat on stage, which “inspired a vast dissemination of facetious goat-lore in all the papers.”

Gazprom Gerd Pushing To Pass More Russian Gas

To Germany, that is. Not less (less was yesterday).

Gerd

And being chairman of the Shareholders’ Committee of Nord Stream, the Russian-German natural gas pipeline (51 percent owned by Gazprom, the Russian state gas monopoly), has absolutely nothing whatsoever at all in the slightest to do with this push one itty-bitty tiny little bit.

Former Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder (SPD) said Wednesday that Germany should deepen energy ties with Russia and urged an end to sanctions. Schroeder, who served as Social Democratic chancellor from 1998 to 2005, retains close ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin and celebrated his 70th birthday this year in St. Petersburg, where he was photographed in a bear hug with the Russian leader.

“We would be well-advised to further expand this energy and raw materials partnership with Russia.”

The Germans Are Coming!

Just not right now.

Hoogan's Heroes

Germany wants to strengthen its role in international affairs. But recent reports suggest the country’s weapons systems are in such disrepair that Berlin actually has very little to offer its partners.

Ramshackle Military at Odds with Global Aspirations

German Of The Day: Wetter

No, let’s make that the English word of the day instead. Not Wetter,  German for weather, let’s go with the English word wetter. You know, as in there are few countries out there that could possibly be wetter than Germany?

Wetter

But that doesn’t stop Germans from going completely overboard when it comes to unnecessary water conservation measures, of course (and don’t say you heard it from me but it’s the German water mafia I tell you).

People here are known to flush toilets with old bath water and to take turns bathing in the same tub without refilling it. New German toilets typically use about two gallons of water for a full flush and less than one for water-saving.

Conserving water is an expression of personal virtue and social responsibility. But as scholars, utility managers, and municipal officials point out, there is a dark side to the impulse. Sewage stagnates in too-large canals and noxious gas is corroding cement. Basements in Berlin are flooding because of the rising water table.

“Water Saving in Germany Is Nonsense.”

And In Other News: Germany Unable To Deliver On Its NATO Promises

Ain’t no big deal. It’s not like NATO partners could ever get attacked or anything.

Bundeswehr

And besides, it’s not the Bundeswehr’s fault. “Industry” let them down again (or the lack of it?).

Germany could not currently fulfill its NATO commitments in the event of an attack on a member of the alliance, owing in part to severe backlogs in replacement parts for its aircraft.

“With our airborne systems we are currently below the target figures announced one year ago, defining what we would want to make available to NATO within 180 days in the case of an emergency,” Defense Minister von der Leyen told the “Bild am Sonntag” newspaper. “Delays for replacement parts for our planes and the missing helicopters are the reason for this.”

Maul Of Berlin

It’s a gallery… It’s a shopping center…  It’s the Super-Mall (of Berlin)!

Mall of Berlin

Oh boy, another mall. I’m outta here (not).

A gigantic German department store, rebuilt in the heart of Berlin on the rubble of a shopping center seized by the Nazis, was opened on Thursday with a ceremony paying tribute to its original Jewish owners.

The near 1 billion euro ($1.3 billion) “Mall of Berlin” — an entire quarter with a glass-covered arcade, 270 shops, a hotel and flats — marks the spot where the Wertheim store was built in 1896.