Author Archives: Hermann Observer

Have A Wonderful Stresstest

December 16, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helections, Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , 4 Comments

As you may have noticed, Germans are always stressed out about stuff, even stuff that isn’t particularly stressful. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that the Society for German Language has just chosen “Stresstest” to be the German word of the year (you didn’t know it was a German word, did you).

You name it, the Germans have stress tested it this year (or have been stress tested by it). Whether banks, nuclear power plants, train stations in Stuttgart, rained out summers or having patience with the euro (not), this term has become a “firm component of everyday language.”

I don’t see what all the fuss is about, though. Ain’t nothing new. I remember when they used to call stress test life.

Der ursprünglich aus der Medizin entlehnte Begriff sei im Laufe des Jahres “auffällig oft” verwendet worden.

Nix Flashmob Here, Buddy

December 15, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, High Art, Humor, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

As Wikipedia informs us, a flash mob (or flashmob) “is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, artistic expression.”

Well, Munich officials clearly aren’t in the mood for entertainment, satire or artistic expression these days (it is Christmas season here after all, bah, humbug) and are threatening with 1000 euro fines anyone who decides to follow a Facebook flashmob call to stand still at the city’s famous Marienplatz for five full minutes this coming Saturday.

It’s pretty clear that they don’t want the flashmob to interfere with the Christmas mob because this could lead to mob warfare and we all know who would win that one, right? Man do I ever pity the flashmobbing fool who gets in the way of those folks.

Uns geht es nicht um das Stehenbleiben, sondern um Blockaden.

A Fistful Of Euros…

December 14, 2011 By in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Won’t buy you what it used to.

Remember when the (place your favorite currency here) used to be worth something? I guess it’s the euro’s turn now. Hey, what goes up must come down, right? There must be something going on in the euro zone these days or something.

Die Gemeinschaftswährung sank am Mittwoch erstmals sei Mitte Januar unter die Marke von 1,30 Dollar. Am späten Nachmittag wurde der Euro  bei 1,2988 Dollar gehandelt.

Bad Kanada, Bad!

December 13, 2011 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

Remember when Canada used to be one of the good countries (as seen from a German point of view)?

Well now those crazy canucks went and done it and have formally withdrawn from the Kyoto Protocol on climate change ITSELF, just like that, and just days after that cheesy last-minute el cheapo compromise on climate change in Durban that got German environmentalists over here (and everywhere else) all hot and bothered and globally warmed up and stuff. Sheesh.

And all for the love of money!? Why those no-good-dog-sledding-pill-pushing-maple-smokers. Can you imagine that? Is nothing sacred anymore? Since when has money made the world go around, people? Oh. That long, really? Damn.

So now even the Canadians are acting like, well, Americans. Talk about the wheels falling off your dog and pony show climate change bandwagen.  What does this mean? Where do we not go from here? Like, other than Germany, who’s going to be next?

“Canada’s obligations under Kyoto would cost $13.6bn (10.3bn euros; £8.7bn): “That’s $1,600 from every Canadian family – that’s the Kyoto cost to Canadians, that was the legacy of an incompetent Liberal government.”

Talk About Your Christmas Spirit

December 12, 2011 By in Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Would you accept a free drink from a total stranger? Hell yeah, I would (it’s not like anybody is ever going to offer me one).

But Berlin police say this is not a good idea these days, as a man serving vodka-schnapps spiked with a date-rape drug is causing nausea and hurt Christmas feelings at that Berlin Christmas market nearest you.

So you better be good, you better not pout. Just say no. Ho, ho, ho.

Jüngst war der Täter als Weihnachtsmann verkleidet.

Same Procedure As Every Year

December 11, 2011 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Why put off for tomorrow what you can put off for The Day After Tomorrow instead? Get it?

Oh boy, another climate change agreement. You know, an agreement about agreeing to agree on how governments will agree in the future on how to commit themselves to agree upon finally reaching a final agreement about… I forgot about what, but it has something to do with CO2 or something.

Have you noticed how die Luft ist raus (the air is out or the wheels are off) of the we’re-all-going-to-die-right-now climate change movement? You can only cry wolf for so long, I guess. The masses, in their inexplicable and infinite wisdom, seem to have lost all sense of urgency and are no longer cooperating – not even in Germany. And not even the do-gooders-what’s-in-charge leading them, trying so hard to get that sense of urgency back, seem to know “why Durban is different to climate change agreements of the past.” But they’re trying to understand and I wish them all the very best.

Und das ist gut so (and this is a good thing), these wheels coming off. Once everybody stops hollerin’ and things start calming down a bit maybe we can all get together and begin to approach this issue with a little bit of common sense. Opps, I mean intelligence.

Bis kurz vor Schluss sah es aus, als würde der Klimagipfel von Durban ohne Ergebnis enden. Heraus kommt ein nüchterner Zeitplan, mit dem viele Entscheidungen verschoben werden.

Our 9/11?

December 7, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hate, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

My, what a gross exaggeration. A handfull of neo-Nazi slobs go on a killing spree and a Berlin Politologe (political scientist) calls this Germany’s equivalent to the attacks of 9/11?

This surely must be a bad political scientist (as in bad science). But he’s not alone, of course. Germany’s contact to/with reality has never been all that steady, even in the best of times (like now), so none of this should be a surprise. It does make me wonder though about what would happen if something – how should I put it? – “real” were ever to happen here. I mean, if this is Germany’s 9/11, what would happen if a real 9/11 came along? Would everybody just pop into thin air or something? Nah, that would be impossible. Not even bad science can do that

“Das ist unser 9/11.”

American Conspiracy 101

December 6, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hypocrisy, Hysteria 2 Comments

Or should I call it AAA?

Ratings agency Standard & Poor's heaped on the pressure on Monday and Tuesday.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,801973,00.html

Being that Standard & Poor´s threatened downgrade of 15 out of 17 euro-zone countries (including Germany ITSELF) is “completely exaggerated,” “out of the clear blue sky” and an irresponsible threat that simply “can´t be a coincidence,” it must be another one of those sinister American conspiracies again (yawn).

http://www.focus.de/finanzen/news/staatsverschuldung/sundp-ankuendigung-dient-die-herabstufung-europas-den-amerikanern_aid_691438.html

Personally, I also believe that the Americans were the ones behind the US of A´s recent downgrade, too. But maybe that´s just me.

“Manchmal fällt es schwer, den Eindruck zu widerlegen, dass einige amerikanische Ratingagenturen und Fondsmanager gegen die Eurozone arbeiten.”

Merkozy Or Sarmerkel?

December 5, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Leave a comment

I´ll go with Merkozy. I mean just because he´s wearing the pants doesn´t mean that he´s wearing the pants, if you know what I´m saying (she always wears pants too).

http://globalspin.blogs.time.com/2011/12/05/is-sarkozy-and-merkels-new-debt-prorposal-the-beginning-of-the-end-to-the-euro-crisis/?xid=gonewsedit

“Read my lips,” she said: “No euro bonds. And stop fidgeting when I speak to you.” http://www.zeit.de/wirtschaft/2011-12/schuldenkrise-merkel-sarkozy

“Germany and France are not going to pay the debts of other nations without being able to control the debt issues of other nations,” Sarkozy said–backtracking on France’s earlier position on both euro bond and greater ECB intervention in the crisis—as Merkel looked attentively on. “And we restate our previous position of confidence in an independent ECB, without any comment on (its actions) either positively, or negatively.”