What’s Red And Green And All Over All Over?

October 9, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germany, Greens, Humor, Satire, SPD, The Greens 3 Comments

Other than Claudia the Clown Lady down there, I mean?

I’ll tell you what’s red and green and all over all over: The Green party’s big plans for taking over the world (here in Germany) with their partners (junior partners?) over at the SPD when the next big federal elections come around.

Ever since shooting themselves in the foot during coalition negotiations after their less than stellar performance in Berlin’s local elections the other day, it seems as if those carefully prepared Green putsch plans might end up back on the back burner again after all, at least for now. Everyone is licking her wounds and has hurt feelings or something. And is irritable. And a little bit bitchy.

Hey, Fukushima certainly brought you a long, long way, but the Japanese can only do so much. And close only counts in horseshoes and dancing.

“Jetzt in Schwarz-Grün-Fantasien zu schwelgen, wäre der falsche Weg.”

World Domination Plans Suddenly Not Working

October 6, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Satire, SPD, The Greens 1 Comment

A few months ago everybody thought that the Greens were going to take over the Berlin city government. Now they can’t even form a coalition as junior partner with Mayor Teflon himself, Party Klaus Wowereit (as in SPD).

The issue? It’s a non-issue, as usual. This time it’s a two-mile stretch of Autobahn that everybody in Berlin wants to have, except the Green Shirt ideologues (and the fruitier varieties even further up in outer space). I guess this was supposed to be Berlin’s Stuttgart 21, whatever that was/is (will someone finally explain that to me?).

And what is the Green ideology, you ask? Saying no. Just say no. Say no and ask questions later. And that, liebe Freunde, is why the Greens have become a big fat Volkspartei in Germany, get it? But you can only say no for so long, I guess. Even in Germany. Even in Berlin.

“Eine moderne wirtschaftsfreundliche Infrastruktur ist die Grundlage des Wohlstands in Deutschland, dazu gehören auch Autobahnen, Schienenwege, Stromtrassen und Pipelines. Es ist ein großer Irrtum der Grünen, wenn sie meinen, das alles wäre im 21. Jahrhundert nicht mehr so wichtig.”

Wayne’s World

September 19, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helections, High Art, History Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Pirates, Politics, Satire, The Pirate Party 7 Comments

Kennst Du Wayne? Wayne es interessiert?

Is anybody here really supposed to care that the Pirate Party, “a party in tune with the Berlin vibe” (and a cheap if not even flakier immitation of the Swedish original) attracted enough votes to win its first ever seats in the Berlin state parliament yesterday?

Nothing aginst Internet freedom activist freaks or anything, I just don’t want to have to deal with them in the non-virtual world like this.

Of course the real news is that the FDP (a real live party from Planet Earth) got tossed out. Hey, Scheiße happens.

And here you thought California was the land of nuts, flakes and fruits.

“Wir werden als erstes auf die Laternen klettern und unsere Plakate wieder runterholen.”

Ick bin ein Obama!

September 16, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Humor Tags: Berlin, Die Partei, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 5 Comments

“Obama and I have very much in common.”

“We are both really good-looking, we are both congenial and we are both able to unleash hype like this. Both of us are very good speakers, we both have leftest ideological positions which we can in no way ever implement and which, I believe, will eventually bring us both to despair.”

“Inhalte überwinden!”

Pressing economic and social problems here in Berlin?

September 15, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, SPD, Wowereit 1 Comment

Who cares? It’s election time! And that’s the Berlin equivalent to Karnival, sort of.

So what if Berlin’s unemployment rate is twice that of the national average and its schools are the worst in the country and the S-Bahn (the local commuter rail system) is still broken after three or four years and will remain so indefinitely and cars are set ablaze every night by a group of unknown arsonists who aren’t politically motivated in the least, honest, so what? Berlin is still Berlin, whatever that means. And that’s why everyone will be re-electing Klaus Wowereit on Sunday (or so the experts say – they just love to announce election results beforehand here for some reason).

No, he and his SPD aren’t doing anything about the problems here (malicious tongues would say that they are the problem), but what does that matter in the end? They aren’t doing it with style. Sounds vaguely familiar somehow…

Wowereit himself is their program. The whole city has been covered in posters featuring the native Berliner holding hands with a granny, or having his face bitten by a crocodile glove puppet in a child’s hand. His campaign slogan is “Understanding Berlin” — that’s not much of a vision, but Wowereit doesn’t appear to need one.

Germany Now Prepared To Send Troops To Libya

August 23, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Bundeswehr, German, Germany, Humor, Libya, Military, Satire, Troops 3 Comments

Maybe. Just maybe. But first let’s wait and see what happens down there. And think this through thoroughly, as usual. Until it’s all over, I mean.

We don’t want to rush headless into this thing, after all. Spineless, maybe, but not headless.

Thanks, Germany or something. They couldn’t have done it without you but did anyway.

Die Bundesregierung wollte sich partout nicht am militärischen Einsatz gegen Oberst Gaddafi beteiligen. Nun zerfällt seine Diktatur – und für Deutschland zeigt sich das ganze Ausmaß dieser Fehlentscheidung.

Tribute

August 22, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, History, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Castro, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Left Party 1 Comment

You got to pay tribute where tribute is due. And Germany’s Left party has done it yet again–and deserve the tribute (damn these guys are on a roll these days). By paying tribute to former Cuban leader Fidel Castro in a letter to mark his 85th birthday over the weekend, I mean.

“You can look back proudly on your life of battles and successful action at the head of the Cuban revolution,” the letter goes. OK. But always remember: The Left party is not communist or communist-like or even all that left-leaning in any way shape or form, as they say time and time again. They’re just, uh, progressive or something.

Auf die Genossen in Deutschland kann sich Fidel Castro verlassen. Pünktlich zum 85. Geburtstag des kubanischen Revolutionsführers hat die Parteispitze der Linken eine Grußbotschaft nach Havanna geschickt, die den Jubilar gerührt haben dürfte.

Victimized Vandals

August 21, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helections, Helplessness Tags: Arson, Arsonists, Berlin, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Vandalism, Vandals 1 Comment

This is Gutmensch (do-gooder) schizophrenia vom Feinsten (at its best): It’s the “rampant gentrification and social exclusion” that’s causing all of these arson attacks in Berlin these days, man. These arsonists are the victims, you see.

I always figured it was out-of-towners who were/are the real culprits behind these crimes (in this case, uh, tourists?). Well, at least this might actually become an election issue now. Some Berliners actually seem to be pissed off about having their cars ignited in the night.

“Berliners can be happy that Wowereit (Berlin’s SPD mayor) is in the middle of an election campaign. Otherwise he would treat the car owners (with the same blithe indifference) that he showed to the Berlin pensioners who broke their bones falling on snow and ice in the sloppily managed capital during the winter. … Wowereit typically reacts with flippancy on such occasions, deflecting criticism of his deficient policies with snappy slogans such as (his famous description of Berlin as) ‘poor but sexy.’ He cannot afford such flippancy now.”

“But he is still coming up with such comments, for example saying that, in a big city, the police can not be everywhere at the same time. He speaks as if that would be any different in a small town, as if that is the crucial factor and as if crime can only be fought if a city is transformed into a police state. But the fight against crime begins elsewhere. At least Wowereit is honest when he says: ‘We are sort of floundering around in the dark.’ That could turn into the soundbite of this campaign.”

Burning Booming in Berlin

August 19, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hate, Helections, Helplessness Tags: Arson, Berlin, Elections, Fire, Fires, German, Germany, SPD, Vandalism 10 Comments

Ah, Berlin. Poor but sexy. And now partly on fire every night.

“The enthusiasm about Berlin as the capital of alternative culture has never been as great as it is these days. EasyJet tourism is booming, as is the real estate market — prices may be rising in Berlin, but beer and apartments are still relatively cheap.”

As are lighting fluid and matches.

Rot-Rot hat Brandstiftern zu lange zugeschaut.

The Green Plague (Another Green Shirt Terror Post)

June 6, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, E. coli, EHEC, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Organic Foods, Satire, Terror 3 Comments

Now it’s tainted German sprouts that have caused the deadly E. coli (Ehec) outbreak (but remember, the source of the outbreak seems to change here every few hours–ask Spanish organic cucumber farmers). Sprouts? That’s another one of them there green organic foods, ain’t it?

Anyway, one German Spiegel reader who goes by the name of alex300 is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore. I feel his pain and stuff. He writes:

“What have we learned from the organic crisis?

1. That green organic farmers can cause more damage than Chernobyl and Fukushima together. How many deaths have been attributed to Fukushima? Just one worker who died of a heart attack. How many deaths do we have to thank for the green organic madness? More than 2000 contaminated by health stores and organic sprouts, about 1000 of them with irreparable brain and kidney damage, and 21 dead.

2. That biogas plants are much more dangerous than nuclear reactors. An atomic reactor can contaminate a 30 km area around it, max. The multiresistant bacteria that breed in biogas plants can wipe out all of humanity.

No power to the green organic plague!”

I hope alex300 is feeling better now. I sure do. For now.

Was haben wir aus der Biokrise gelernt?

1. Die grünen Biobauer können viel mehr schaden anrichten als Tschernobyl und Fukushima zusammen. Wie viele Tote hat Fukushima verschuldet? Nur einen Arbeiter, der an einem Herzinfarkt verstarb. Wie viele Tote haben wir dank dem grünen Biowahn? Mehr als 2000 verseuchten durch Reformhäuser und Biosprossen, ca. 1000 mit irreparablen Hirn- und Nierenschäden und 21 Toten.

2. Die Biogasanlagen sind wesentlich gefährlicher als die AKWs. Ein AKW kann maximal 30 km Umgebung gefährlich verseuchen. Die multiresistenten Bakterien, die in Biogasanlagen brüten, können die ganze Menschheit auslöschen.

Keine Macht der grünen Bioseuche!

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Helections