Sommerloch Tornado Coming This Way!

July 24, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Films, German, Germans, Germany, Horror Films, Humor, Movies, Sharknado, Sharks, Sommerloch, Storms, Tornados, Trash, Zeljko 1 Comment

The German Sommerloch is famous for being the time for scary none-news news reports. It is also famous for being the time for reports about scary non-animal animals, too.

That is why everybody is all hot and bothered right now about that scary low front “Zeljko“ approching Germany as you read this. Many Sommerloch weather forecasters are worried that this could be the beginning of a real live Sommerloch tornado (ignore the fact that Germany doesn’t actually do tornados, please).

Others who prefer to remain anonymous are going to go even further out on the limb and are predicting that “Zeljko“ could turn into the dreaded Sommerloch Sharknado ITSELF!

Im ersten Teil bekämpfen sie die fliegenden Haie in Los Angeles, in Teil zwei in New York und in „Sharknado 3 – Oh Hell No!“ macht sich der Raubtier-Tornado über der gesamten Ostküste der USA breit.

The Guy YOU Love To Hate

July 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Austerity, Bad Guys, Bailouts, Debt, Economics, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Grexit, Scapegoats, Socialism, Wolfgang Schäuble 1 Comment

I pour moi think he’s the greatest. Weiter so (keep it up), Wolfgang!

Despite bitter opposition in many quarters to the austerity-first policies Germany has imposed on Europe’s poorer nations, Chancellor Angela Merkel’s government has hung on to its role as champion of integration on the Continent through deft use of diplomacy and the country’s economic clout.

But in negotiating a new deal this week to bail out Greece, Germany displayed what many Europeans saw as a harder, more selfish edge, demanding painful measures from Athens and resisting any firm commitment to granting Greece relief from its crippling debt. And that perception was fueled on Thursday when the German finance minister, Wolfgang Schäuble, suggested that Greece would get its best shot at a substantial cut in its debt only if it was willing to give up membership in the European common currency (they mean Grexit here, of course, they just don’t like to use the word).

“Ich werbe nur dafür, dass Sie heute nicht meinen – jetzt ist das Thema erledigt, jetzt haben wir noch mal einen da zum Bösewicht erklärt. Ich bin so abgehärtet in einem langen politischen Leben, dass mich das nicht aus der Bahn wirft.”

Historical Monstrosities Historical Monuments

July 16, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Architecture, Berlin, Buildings, Communism, German, Germans, Germany 3 Comments

We’re so ugly we’re beautiful.

What few in 1989 wanted was the supposedly dumpy, chronically unfashionable late-1960s buildings around Alexanderplatz, relics of a defunct, unlovable regime that were perceived as having little or no architectural value.

So that’s precisely what we all just got.

The monuments are certainly far from the worst constructions of their time. Best known and most popular is the World Clock, a kitschy but delightful sculpture-cum-timepiece created in 1969 that has long been a popular meeting spot for locals.

2 Intellectual 4 Me

July 14, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Der Spiegel, Die Bildzeitung, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Intellectuals, Journalism, Media, Snobbery 1 Comment

Nope, this latest Spiegel cover is not what I would call “defamatory or racist.” It’s just particularly stupid. But everybody seems to be having hurt feelings about it and calling each other names because of it and stuff like that, which always warms my heart. So keep running with it, folks.

“Our Greeks – Taking a closer look at a strange people.” Takes one to know one, I guess.

And always remember: “Spiegel readers know more” (one of the magazine’s more popular slogans). And they also love to look down their noses at people who read the Bildzeitung, for instance. There is a big difference, you see? Me, neither.

SPIEGEL-Leser wissen mehr!

Germany Defeated Yet Again

July 13, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Bailouts, Banktruptcy, EU, Euro, Germany, Greece, Socialism, Tsipras 11 Comments

No, it wasn’t World War III. It was the Endkampf (final battle) for Bailout III. Like, don’t these people ever get tired of surrendering?

Europe woke up on Monday to a lot of headlines about the humiliation of Greece, the triumph of an all-powerful Germany and the subversion of democracy in Europe.

What nonsense. If anybody has capitulated, it is Germany. The German government has just agreed, in principle, to another multibillion-euro bailout of Greece — the third so far. In return, it has received promises of economic reform from a Greek government that makes it clear that it profoundly disagrees with everything that it has just agreed to.

“History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.”

Good Thing Germans Have Strict Gun Control Laws

July 10, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Gun control, Guns, Laws, Shooting Sprees 5 Comments

Otherwise a whole lot more people might have gotten killed here.

A man shot and killed two people in the southern German region of Bavaria on Friday, and fired at two others before being apprehended by authorities, police said.

The man, whose identity has not been released, shot a woman at about 6:30 a.m. from his locally-registered Mercedes in the town of Tiefenthal, near Ansbach, police said in a statement.

The woman died at the scene and the man fled in his car, then fatally shooting a man on a bicycle in the nearby town of Rammersdorf, according to police.

The suspect also shot at a pedestrian and the driver of another vehicle, but hit neither, police said.

Der Tatverdächtige war “ein ganz normaler Ansbacher.”

Greeks Apologize And To Pay Back All Debts Tomorrow

July 7, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: ECB, EU, Euro, Germany, Greece, Humor, Jokes, Trojan Horse 2 Comments

The nation of Greece said sorry to the European Union with a present of an enormous wooden horse.

Left outside the European Central Bank in the dead of night, the horse has now been moved into the ECB’s central lobby where it is proudly on display.

A gift tag attached to the horse, which is surprisingly light for its size and has small holes along the length of its body, suggested that it should be placed in the bank’s vaults overnight to avoid it being targeted by thieves…

Oddly, Greek representatives in Brussels have hinted that they may soon be in a position to settle their debts and have puzzled the French and German banks that hold their loans by asking if there is any discount for cash.

PS: Thanks for the link, A.K.

Germans So Shocked By Greek No They Decide To Go On Big Fat Greek Vacation

July 6, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Bankruptcy, Drachma, EU, Euro, Germany, Greece, Holidays, Socialism, Tourism, Tourists, Tsipras, Vacation 2 Comments

Stunned by the Greek no yesterday and the end of European civilization as they know it, millions and millions of German tourists have spontaneously decided to get their minds off it all by going on vacation to Greece again this year, just like the millions and millions of other Germans who did the same thing last year.

Not that it matters anymore or anything, but tourism used to account for 18 percent of what used to be the Greek economy.

“We are still taking bookings for Greece and there is no change in the levels.”

German Of The Day: Schwitzkasten

July 5, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bankruptcy, EU, Euro, Germany, Greece, Socialism, Tsipras 1 Comment

That’s “sweat box” but actually means stranglehold. You know, like being stuck between a rock and a hard place?

Is the current five-year Greek drama finally going to come to an end today? Hardly, it already ended quite a while ago, the real drama having actually begun long before that, of course, generations before. The name of the drama is “Living Beyond Our Means” and now the current government wants to give Greek voters the illusion that it gets the chance to turn back the clock with one final vote, a final vote that doesn’t actually mean anything, of course, because the money is long gone and nobody is going to give you any-more-anymore. Said current government has seen to that.

It took many, many years of concerted effort – on the Greek side – to get this far, but at least now we will all have an “official” result: However Greece votes today it has already voted to escape “financial asphyxiation” by committing financial suicide.

After all, debt and guilt – “Schuld” – are the same words in German.

German Of The Day: Hand Over The Money Or I’ll Shoot!

July 3, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Grexit, Humor, Jokes, Language, Tsipras 2 Comments

And here you thought that Germans didn’t have a sense of humor. Galgenhumor (gallows humor), OK, but humor all the same.

Public broadcaster ARD, in its Morgenmagazin breakfast show, lampooned the tit-for-tat battle that has ensued between German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble and Greek counterpart Yanis Varoufakis, 54, in a video clip based on the 2011 French film The Intouchables, depicting the unlikely friendship between a wealthy quadriplegic and his African carer. Schaeuble, 72, has been confined to a wheelchair since he was shot by a deranged man in 1990.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hurt Feelings