Leave It To The Linke (I wanted to say beaver sooo bad but just couldn’t bring myself to do so)

August 13, 2011 By Hermann Observer in History, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Berlin Wall, The Left Party 3 Comments

Timing is everything. Today is of course the 50th anniversary of the building of the Berlin Wall, not that anybody actually feels like celebrating or anything.

So what does Left party leader Gesine Lötzsch do? What she always does. When not lecturing about “Paths to Communism” in the Junge Welt (communist, sorry marxist) newspaper, she likes to make other provocative pronouncements to keep her constituents happy. The most recent zinger: The building of the Berlin Wall was a logical consequence of World War II. In other words, it wasn’t us communists who did it (you know, good old German denial), it was those other guys. Not that she is a communist or anything, of course. She isn’t and never was and never will be and will tell you this time and time again until she is red, I mean blue in the face.

Times sure have changed in fifty years, haven’t they? Not for everybody, though. I’m sure there are still some folks out there who still believe the world is flat, too. Whatever. It’s amazing really, and funny, sort of, and I guess everyone has gotten pretty used to her comments by now so let the festivities begin or something.

Speaking of comments, the best comment I read about her was from the guy who said that when you listen to Frau Lötzsch you get the sneaking suspicion that she is that last government spokesman of the GDR.

“Frau Lötzsch wirkt wie die letzte Regierungssprecherin der DDR.”

PS: Just in case anybody was wondering, the Left party governs as part of the city government right here in Berlin this very day.

Germany To Save Europe

August 12, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, Debt Crisis, EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Soros 1 Comment

Or maybe not, hard to say for sure.

But according to billionaire investor and currency-crushing “Man Who Broke the Bank of England” and therefore absolute expert on the subject George Soros (HIMSELF), “Only Germany can reverse the dynamic of a European decay. Germany and other countries with an AAA rating (sorry USA, better luck next time) have to approve some sort of euro-bond regime. Otherwise, the euro will implode.” And nobody wants an implosion around here or anything, I don’t think.

Soros also thinks that German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s reaction to the sovereign-debt crisis has been too slow. Like duh? Even non-billionaire types know that. But hey, it’s just like back home I tell ya, somebody’s got to not do it (got not to do it?).

Die aktuelle Krisenstrategie mit Krediten für Griechenland und einem von verschiedenen Ländern garantierten Rettungsschirm (EFSF) sei untragbar, schrieb Soros. So müssten Italien und Spanien mehr Zinsen für ihre Staatsanleihen zahlen, als sie selber von Griechenland für Stützungskredite erhalten.

More Knigge

August 11, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, Etiquette, German, Germans, Germany, Good Manners, Humor, Kissing, Manners, Satire 3 Comments

And less kissing. I like these guys, honest. There is too much kissing going on these days.

But I don’t think people should even shake hands anymore, or look sideways at each other for that matter, so don’t listen to me.

“The suspicion for many remains that there is, or may be, an erotic component to the kissing.”

International Solidarity with England

August 11, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hate, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Anarchy, Berlin, Chaos, German, Germans, Germany, Vandalism 3 Comments

Nine cars went up in flames last night in Berlin.

The part that I don’t get: Police say every second burning is politically motivated.

Does that mean that the other half gets ignated just for fun?

No, I stand corrected. I don’t get any of this.

Von einer breit organisierten Tätergruppe aus der linken Szene könne nicht ausgegangen werden, sagte Stefan Redlich, Leiter des Dezernats für politisch motivierte Kriminalität beim Berliner Staatsschutz. Vielmehr seien Einzelne bei den politisch motivierten Taten und Trittbrettfahrer bei den persönlich motivierten Taten verantwortlich.

Leaderless in Seattle

August 10, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness Tags: Berlin, Debt Crisis, EU, Euro, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obama, Satire 1 Comment

No, I mean in Europe.

Gee, this sounds just like back home. The president of the Federal Association of German Banks has strongly criticized European leaders in general and German leaders in particular for their lack of leadership in all things debt crisis.

They just let things drift along and then get driven themselves, he says. Like I said, just like back home.

“If the euro really does end up in trouble then it won’t be because of Greece, the EU’s weakest member. The monetary union will then fail because Germany, its strongest member, won’t fulfill its leadership role and says what needs to be done.”

“Wenn der Euro tatsächlich Probleme bekäme, dann nicht wegen Griechenland, dem schwächsten Mitglied. Die Währungsunion würde dann scheitern, wenn Deutschland als stärkstes Mitglied seiner Führungsrolle nicht gerecht wird und sagt, wo es lang geht.”

PS: Speaking of leadership, or the lack of it, the yes we cans seem to be dropping like flies these days.

RWE Jobs Next

August 9, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire Leave a comment

German utility RWE AG (RWE.XE) Tuesday said it swung to a net loss in the second quarter of 2011, driven mainly by additional costs related to Germany’s decision to exit nuclear energy by 2022 and a tax on nuclear fuel.

The early closure of reactors also resulted in an earnings shortfall, because RWE sold forward the electricity that should have been produced in its two shuttered reactors. To meet its supply obligations the company now has to produce that electricity in more expensive plants or buy power on the market, both of which hurts generation margins.

Bad Jobs Must Go

August 6, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, Employment, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire 1 Comment

Wow. Even the Brave New Non-Nuclear World (in Germany) demands its tribute.

10,000 jobs at Germany’s energy giant Eon will have to go, for instance. But these folks will gladly take on this burden because its what “the people” want. Unfortunately, only about one third of those gladly taking on the burden will be German employees, but you can bet that there will be further opportunites for them to excel in the very near brave new future.

Das sind mehr als zehn Prozent der gesamten Belegschaft. Damit würde der Sparkurs des Konzerns viel härter ausfallen als bisher bekannt.

Child Poverty

August 4, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts Tags: Berlin, Children, German, Germans, Germany, Kids, Population 2 Comments

That’s what the Germans call their lack of children here. And with children comprising only 16.5 percent of the total population Germany now has the fewest number of children in all of zee Europe.

And the same report gives child poverty a whole new meaning here, too. It shows that one out of six of these rare creatures is threatened with real poverty.

I don’t know what any of this means. I suppose that Germans just prefer to spend more time with themselves and need to concentrate more on self-discovery and individual fulfillment. And to take themselves more seriously. Than they already are doing, I mean. And that is no laughing matter, believe me. So that makes this place certainly not the kind of place where you would want to raise your kids.

Vor zehn Jahren lag der Kinderanteil bei 18,8 Prozent, jetzt bei 16,5 Prozent, 2030 werden es voraussichtlich nur noch 15 Prozent sein.

Everything Is So Wunderbar Here

August 3, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jobs, Satire, Work Leave a comment

When it comes to the German economy and the jobs here, right?

Right. Sort of. Think again. Granted, Germans love nothing better than to bitch and moan about anything and everything they can, their jobs included, but the latest phase of a study done by the Universität Duisburg-Essen has shown that based on a scale from 1 (awful) to 10 (great) German on-the-job satisfaction has dropped from 7.6 to 6.8 during the past 25 years.

In an international comparison, German is even way down at the bottom of the list, the only workers being less satisfied coming from ex-East Block nations like Slowakia, Ukraine, Bulgaria and Russia. But at least now the West Germans are just as miserable as the East Germans are, the study says. So that’s progress, I guess.

Hmmm. I guess nothing ever is as it seems.

Im internationalen Vergleich rangiert Deutschland in der Studie weit hinten auf Rang 18 – nur in den ehemaligen Ostblock-Staaten Slowakei, Ukraine, Bulgarien und Russland seien die Arbeitnehmer demnach noch unzufriedener.

Time To Say Goodbye

August 2, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire Leave a comment

To all those jobs in the German nuclear power industry, I mean. It’s phase-out time in more ways than one over here.

It’s coming out that E.ON, Germany’s largest energy provider, is now to go on an extreme austerity diet and is about to “restructure,” as they like to say, know what I’m saying? They’re even talking about closing down the big new headquarters they just moved into a year ago.

But hey, it’s all worth it. No pain no gain or something. And don’t worry, there are no other hidden fallout issues here, either.

Of 17 German nuclear power plants, half are now turned off; all of them will be shut by 2022. That’s a loss of 22 billion euros in profits.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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