Same Procedure As Every Year

December 11, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, CO2, Durban, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Environment, The Green Shirts, The Greens Leave a comment

Why put off for tomorrow what you can put off for The Day After Tomorrow instead? Get it?

Oh boy, another climate change agreement. You know, an agreement about agreeing to agree on how governments will agree in the future on how to commit themselves to agree upon finally reaching a final agreement about… I forgot about what, but it has something to do with CO2 or something.

Have you noticed how die Luft ist raus (the air is out or the wheels are off) of the we’re-all-going-to-die-right-now climate change movement? You can only cry wolf for so long, I guess. The masses, in their inexplicable and infinite wisdom, seem to have lost all sense of urgency and are no longer cooperating – not even in Germany. And not even the do-gooders-what’s-in-charge leading them, trying so hard to get that sense of urgency back, seem to know “why Durban is different to climate change agreements of the past.” But they’re trying to understand and I wish them all the very best.

Und das ist gut so (and this is a good thing), these wheels coming off. Once everybody stops hollerin’ and things start calming down a bit maybe we can all get together and begin to approach this issue with a little bit of common sense. Opps, I mean intelligence.

Bis kurz vor Schluss sah es aus, als würde der Klimagipfel von Durban ohne Ergebnis enden. Heraus kommt ein nüchterner Zeitplan, mit dem viele Entscheidungen verschoben werden.

Our 9/11?

December 7, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hate, Hysteria Tags: 9/11, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Neo-Nazis, Terror 2 Comments

My, what a gross exaggeration. A handfull of neo-Nazi slobs go on a killing spree and a Berlin Politologe (political scientist) calls this Germany’s equivalent to the attacks of 9/11?

This surely must be a bad political scientist (as in bad science). But he’s not alone, of course. Germany’s contact to/with reality has never been all that steady, even in the best of times (like now), so none of this should be a surprise. It does make me wonder though about what would happen if something – how should I put it? – “real” were ever to happen here. I mean, if this is Germany’s 9/11, what would happen if a real 9/11 came along? Would everybody just pop into thin air or something? Nah, that would be impossible. Not even bad science can do that

“Das ist unser 9/11.”

8000 Jobs For A Better World

December 4, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Nuclear power, The Greens Leave a comment

For a better dream world, I should say.

You know, for a better dream world without nuclear energy? Germany utility RWE plans to cut costs – and 8000 jobs – as it trys to come to grips with Germany’s decision to phase out nuclear power by 2022 – and then continue to import it´s nuclear power from France and others instead.

These 8000 jobs will just be the start of it, of course. But aller Anfang ist schwer, as the Germans say: The first step is the hardest. It will get a lot easier firing folks once “the movement” gains movement, I mean progresses.

It’s Us Against Them

December 2, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Facebook, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Internet, Paranoia, Satire, Schizophrenia, Technology 1 Comment

Us as in US, I mean.

German authorities are trying to limit what the American tech companies can do, but the Silicon Valley giants are fighting back (the key word is American here, folks).

Give the Germans what they want, I say. But what DO they want, anyway (this is one of my favorite German schizophrenia thangs).

It’s worth noting that Facebook and Google are actually quite popular in the country — the BBC reported in September that “a quarter of the German population are active Facebook users and Google has 95% of the country’s search market.”

Just In Case You Didn’t Know Who To Vote For

December 1, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Der Spiegel, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Republicans, Satire, The Tea Party 5 Comments

Der Spiegel http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,800850,00.html (sorry, having trouble with the posting today) has put together a highly nuanced and in depth political analysis about US Republican presidential candidates. It is called “A Club of Liars, Demagogues and Ignoramuses.”

Here are just a few of the more insightful insights:

The current crop of candidates have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein (so like they don’t like Einstein, or what?).

They lie. They cheat. They exaggerate. They bluster. They say one idiotic, ignorant, outrageous thing after another (good thing we have the Democrats as an alternative).

The US elections are a reality show after all, a pseudo-political counterpart to the Paris Hiltons, Kim Kardashians and all the “American Idol” and “X Factor” contestants littering today’s TV (I don’t get this but it sounds like it must be astute or something).

The Grand Old Party is ruining the entire country’s reputation (uh, what reputation are we talking about here anyway?).

…Which goes to show that this “movement” (the Tea Party), sponsored by Fox News, has never been interested in the actual business of governing or in the intelligence and intellect that it requires. They are only interested in marketing themselves, for ratings and dollars (if given the choice I’d take the ratings at the moment).

Americans have a short memory (this one sure does, I’ve forgotten your article already).

Is It Really Over?

November 28, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helections, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Protest, Protestors, Satire, Stuttgart, Stuttgart 21, The Green Shirts, The Greens 4 Comments

Finished? Endlich vorbei? Finito and all that? For real?

Das Votum der Bürger in Baden-Württemberg ist eindeutig: Stuttgart 21 soll gebaut werden. Das führt zu Erleichterung einerseits, Ärger andererseits. Und Politikern, die sich die Sache schönreden.

I don´t have to hear about Stuttgart 21 demonstrators anymore? I don´t have to wonder anymore about why I´ve never understood how people can go ballistic about rebuilding a city´s freakin´train station underground as if it were some unspeakably important social issue? Honest? You´re not shitting me here? The war is finally over and Johnny can come marching home?

Well then let us all stand and sing together!

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the Lord;
he is trampling out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are stored;
he hath loosed the fateful lightning
of his terrible swift sword;
his truth is marching on.

Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

The Color Of Money

November 27, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Green Shirts, The Greens, The State 1 Comment

We’re the Greens. You know, green like money (well it’s green back home)? And that’s what it’s going to cost you too, having voted for us like you did – and yet will (the Greens have become a Volkspartei or major party since Fukushima, remember?).

We only want to help you and we are only doing this for your own good, but in order to ecologically retrofit the German nation it will unfortunately be necessary for our subjects everywhere, green or not, to pay quite heavily through the nose.

It’s all about Umverteilung (redistribution – of other people’s money), as usual. And here at our party convention in Kiel we have come up with just a few of the ways with which this will soon be done:

The toll for trucks will be increased.
The company car privilege will be phased out.
Ecological taxation will be increased, loopholes will be closed.
The tax advantage for married couples will be phased out.
Reduced rate exceptions for the value added tax will be eliminated.
The top tax rate will be increased to 49% (beginning with 80,000 euros gross).
The flat rate withholding tax will be replaced with a progressive tax.
A capital levy on “the rich” will be introduced.
A capital tax will be introduced (replacing the capital levy on “the rich” after ten years).
A “financial market transaction tax” will be introduced.

Like we said, these are just a few modest suggestions for Vorspeise (an appetizer). Just wait until we are actually in power.

Qualität hat ihren Preis (everything comes at a price).

Viva la revolución verde!

Or Maybe It Does Stink (Our Debt)

November 23, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Debt, Debt Crisis, EU, Euro Crisis, Euro Zone, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire Leave a comment

What, me worry?

The German debt agency was forced to retain almost half of a sale of 6 billion euros due to a shortage of bids by investors, sparking fears that Europe’s debt crisis is now even starting to threaten Berlin.

The German government is still resisting calls (from France and elsewhere) to allow the ECB to act more decisively.

“It is a complete and utter disaster,” one financial expert dude in London said. “And everybody has hurt feelings,” I replied. “And that’s the main thing.”

It’s starting to get ugly, folks, in other words. Uh, are we having a panic yet?

“The debt crisis is burrowing ever deeper, like a worm, and is now reaching Germany.”

Our Debt Doesn’t Stink

November 22, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Debt, Debt Crisis, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire Leave a comment

I got your role model for you right here. Do as we say, folks. Not as we do.

So far the German government has based its budget forecasts solely on the presumption of strong economic development.

What Do You Mean You Won’t Buy Our Stuff Anymore?

November 21, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Dept, Economy, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Exports, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany 1 Comment

Europe’s largest economy, may slow to a near standstill next year as the region’s debt crisis saps demand for exports.

You know that scene in Austin Powers when Dr. Evil says an evil funny and he and his evil cronies start laughing loudly in a sinister fashion and just laugh and laugh and laugh and then finally stop laughing because, well, you just can’t keep on laughing like that forever, no matter how evil the joke?

Well it’s the same thing with German Schadenfreude about being fein raus (off the hook) and everybody else out there doing the suffering, economically speaking. You can only enjoy that Schadenfreude for so long, folks. So like export a few more good chuckles out of this while you can.

“The global economic recession triggered by the international financial crisis will be long-term.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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