Too Much Sun, Son

December 22, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Green energy, Humor, Renewable energy, Satire, Solar energy, The Green Shirts, The Greens 1 Comment

Now if we could only learn to harness the power of falling solar energy company stocks…

Solar Millennium AG plunged by a record in Frankfurt trading after becoming the second publicly traded German solar company to file for insolvency.

Let’s face it, people: The sun and Germany just don’t mix.

Solar Millennium war ein grüner Börsenstar. Beim Solarkraftwerk-Hersteller klang immer alles nach Weltrettung, ständig ging es um die Zukunft der Menschheit. Seit Donnerstag ist das Unternehmen pleite und es wird klar: Viele hundert Millionen Euro sind weg. Es droht einer der größten Anlageskandale der Geschichte.

Damned If You Don’t

December 21, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hate, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: American Troops, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iraq, Satire, US Military Leave a comment

Remember long, long ago when the US messed up so awfully and needed so desperately to get out of Iraq as soon as possible (I’m talking the German view here, folks)?

Well, now the big American mistake is that they just left. Everything is falling apart again already and it’s all our fault, again already.

The Germans should know what they’re talking about here this time, though. US troops are still in their country and have been since 1945.

Kaum haben die letzten US-Truppen den Irak verlassen, brechen im Land alte Konflikte auf.

This Just In: Britain Distrusts Germany

December 20, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, History Tags: Berlin, Britain, EU, Euro Crisis, Europe, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, UK Leave a comment

Wow, talk about a news item.

This must be the scoop of the century. Are Woodward and Bernstein back? Did the CIA finally do something right? Where on earth do Spiegel journalists uncover such unexpected and volatile information?

Always remember, folks: If it’s not in the Spiegel, it didn’t happen.

“Welcome to the Fourth Reich”

Phase Out vs. Cash In

December 19, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Berlin, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nuclear energy, Satire, The Greens Leave a comment

“Fukushima changed my attitude towards nuclear energy,” she said.

Now, though, it would appear that German industry is relying on government assistance to pursue the construction of nuclear power plants abroad.

Four applications for government export guarantees on nuclear power plant projects are currently under consideration. Known as Hermes guarantees, the program protects German companies from non-payment on overseas deals. The four projects are located in Finland, Great Britain, China and India.

“The nuclear phaseout must also apply to export guarantees.”

Malfunction Is Better Than No Function At All

December 18, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, S-Bahn, Sekt, Trains 3 Comments

When Berlin’s entire S-Bahn commuter train system isn’t down and out due to power outages, ice and snow (yet to come this year) or just plain good old fashioned traditional mismanagement, Berliners are asked to show understanding for S-Bahn train drivers who call in sick en masse, about 10 percent of the workforce at the moment.

They don’t do substitute train drivers, I guess, and that 10 percent is enough to cause massive delays on a number of lines here and tens of thousands of commuters to come in late to work, should those folks not have had enough sense to call in sick too, I mean. It’s been about three days now. S-Bahn drivers are sick here, alright. Sick of working. Merry Christmas to you too, pal(s).

“Unsere Personaldecke ist eben nicht hundertprozentig gedeckt, da machen sich krankheitsbedingte Ausfälle sofort bemerkbar.”

PS: Or maybe these guys have just been hitting the Little Red Riding Hood too heavy this week.

Have A Wonderful Stresstest

December 16, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Language, Satire, Stress 4 Comments

As you may have noticed, Germans are always stressed out about stuff, even stuff that isn’t particularly stressful. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that the Society for German Language has just chosen “Stresstest” to be the German word of the year (you didn’t know it was a German word, did you).

You name it, the Germans have stress tested it this year (or have been stress tested by it). Whether banks, nuclear power plants, train stations in Stuttgart, rained out summers or having patience with the euro (not), this term has become a “firm component of everyday language.”

I don’t see what all the fuss is about, though. Ain’t nothing new. I remember when they used to call stress test life.

Der ursprünglich aus der Medizin entlehnte Begriff sei im Laufe des Jahres “auffällig oft” verwendet worden.

Nix Flashmob Here, Buddy

December 15, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, High Art, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Christmas, Facebook, Flash Mobs, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Satire Leave a comment

As Wikipedia informs us, a flash mob (or flashmob) “is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, artistic expression.”

Well, Munich officials clearly aren’t in the mood for entertainment, satire or artistic expression these days (it is Christmas season here after all, bah, humbug) and are threatening with 1000 euro fines anyone who decides to follow a Facebook flashmob call to stand still at the city’s famous Marienplatz for five full minutes this coming Saturday.

It’s pretty clear that they don’t want the flashmob to interfere with the Christmas mob because this could lead to mob warfare and we all know who would win that one, right? Man do I ever pity the flashmobbing fool who gets in the way of those folks.

Uns geht es nicht um das Stehenbleiben, sondern um Blockaden.

A Fistful Of Euros…

December 14, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Currency, Dollar, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany 1 Comment

Won’t buy you what it used to.

Remember when the (place your favorite currency here) used to be worth something? I guess it’s the euro’s turn now. Hey, what goes up must come down, right? There must be something going on in the euro zone these days or something.

Die Gemeinschaftswährung sank am Mittwoch erstmals sei Mitte Januar unter die Marke von 1,30 Dollar. Am späten Nachmittag wurde der Euro bei 1,2988 Dollar gehandelt.

Bad Kanada, Bad!

December 13, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Activism, Berlin, Canada, Climate Change, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Kyoto, The Greens 5 Comments

Remember when Canada used to be one of the good countries (as seen from a German point of view)?

Well now those crazy canucks went and done it and have formally withdrawn from the Kyoto Protocol on climate change ITSELF, just like that, and just days after that cheesy last-minute el cheapo compromise on climate change in Durban that got German environmentalists over here (and everywhere else) all hot and bothered and globally warmed up and stuff. Sheesh.

And all for the love of money!? Why those no-good-dog-sledding-pill-pushing-maple-smokers. Can you imagine that? Is nothing sacred anymore? Since when has money made the world go around, people? Oh. That long, really? Damn.

So now even the Canadians are acting like, well, Americans. Talk about the wheels falling off your dog and pony show climate change bandwagen. What does this mean? Where do we not go from here? Like, other than Germany, who’s going to be next?

“Canada’s obligations under Kyoto would cost $13.6bn (10.3bn euros; £8.7bn): “That’s $1,600 from every Canadian family – that’s the Kyoto cost to Canadians, that was the legacy of an incompetent Liberal government.”

Talk About Your Christmas Spirit

December 12, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Christmas Markets, Drugs, German, Germans, Germany, Poison, Santa Claus, Spiked Drinks, Weihnachtsmärkte 1 Comment

Would you accept a free drink from a total stranger? Hell yeah, I would (it’s not like anybody is ever going to offer me one).

But Berlin police say this is not a good idea these days, as a man serving vodka-schnapps spiked with a date-rape drug is causing nausea and hurt Christmas feelings at that Berlin Christmas market nearest you.

So you better be good, you better not pout. Just say no. Ho, ho, ho.

Jüngst war der Täter als Weihnachtsmann verkleidet.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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