Germans Pissed Off At Natural Catastrophe

Who’s in charge of this flood, anyway? Many wet Germans have begun asking themselves and others this question as the worst flooding the country has seen in over a decade moves northward through the country but not nearly fast enough if you ask them.

Flooding

Normally in rapture with everything and anything that has to do with nature and the natural environment, this flood is the second Jahrhundertflut (flood of the century) within the past 12 years and patience for this excessive outpouring of nature’s splendor is rapidly wearing thin.

Germans simply cannot stand things that are not planned well, you see, and this cataclysmic inundation was clearly an organizational nightmare right from the start. The flood waters refused to stay in designated tributaries and caused chaos and hurt feelings pretty much right from day one as the rainfall that caused the flooding came all at once. Causing the flooding. Like I said.

The responsible party for this natural catastrophe has yet to be located (except for the usual suspect global warming, yawn, but that doesn’t really count because global warming is responsible for everything), but when he or she is, there’s going to be hell to pay.

“Piss off!”

Global Warming Five-Year Plan To Be Revised

A pesky and persistent slowdown in global warming over the past several years is now prompting global warming watchdog officials to lower their next five-year temperature forecast plan of doom and distress and nobody out there likes it one damned bit.

Sun

Greenhouse gas emissions have continued to rise, these same scientists say, and this makes them wonder why Earth is not getting warmer as this was bekanntlich (as you know) not vorgesehen (envisioned) in the last five-year plan.

Don’t get them wrong, however. Rest assured that the longer-term warning, I mean warming trend will remain one of cataclysmic environmental destruction and human annihilation and no five-year plan will ever change that because  it can’t. That option is not an option. It if were an option then the whole Aufregung (commotion) we’ve been going through all these years would have been nothing more than a ridiculous bout of collective hysteria.

“It certainly is no reason to relax.”

Es handelt sich um einen in der deutschen Nachkriegsgeschichte einzigartigen Fall von obrigkeitsstaatlicher Intervention in eine öffentlich geführte Diskussion.

The Trains In Berlin Are Reliable

And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Snow

Whenever it snows here, for instance, like it did big time over the weekend, you can rely on a few S-Bahn and Deutsche Bahn stretches to break down in earnest the next day, or in this case Monday.

Germany is a country unfamiliar with snow, you see, or at least I have to assume as much, because much of their technology is not designed to operate in this weird, white and powdery substance.

In their defense, though: I’m not a scientist or anything, but I think all of this more-snow-and-cold-than-usual has something to do with this global warming phenomenon thingy or something. Because its snowing right now, yet again. As we speak, so-to-speak. In the German Spring.

Auf die Bahn ist Verlass: Nach dem Schneefall vom Wochenende brach der S-Bahn- Verkehr am Montag auf mehreren Strecken zeitweise zusammen. Und am Hauptbahnhof wurden am Mittag die Zufahrten vor beiden Haupteingängen gesperrt, weil Schnee und Eisbrocken abrutschten.

Speaking Of CO2…

Not that there is a connection here or anything, but after the German government’s frenzied exit from nuclear power, German greenhouse gas emissions have risen 1.6 percent.

CO2

Die Luft wird dicker. Der Ausstoß von Treibhausgasen in Deutschland steigt nach Jahren des Rückgangs wieder spürbar an.

Global Warming Still Causing Colder Weather In Germany

In February, of all months. And in Germany, of all countries.

Global Warming

According to German meteorologist Dominik Jung, Germany has just set a new record for having its 5th colder-than-normal winter in a row.

In light of recent scientific predictions that Central Europe would soon not be having any winters at all, several of the scientists who had made these predictions are now attributing this unexpected climatic odditiy to a newly discovered global warming abnormality they are now calling “Winterwetter.”

Winterwetter seems to have a direct relationship to the global warming theory postulate asserting that water vapor and clouds will temporarily cancel out the warming effect of CO2 emissions currently destroying our planet, thus temporarily reversing the deadly global warming trend for a small period each and every year lying roughly between the seasons of autumn and spring and directly affecting countries like Germany with unreasonably and unseasonably cold weather until the more unreasonably and unseasonably warm weather returns again.

Am Montag könnte die Schneedecke noch einmal deutlich anwachsen. Erst ab Mitte der Woche ist Besserung in Sicht.

Mysterious Cold White Powder Falling From The Sky

What is this bizarre weather phenomenon?

Snow

Concerned Germans and climate activists everywhere are puzzled by a strange form of precipitation in the form of crystalline water ice that has suddenly begun falling from the clouds all over Germany.

“Although we have only just begun our studies now,” everyone said in unison. “This is clearly another indication of the direct relationship between Global Warming and the gases (particularly CO2) we have emitted into the atmosphere. Brrr! Is this one cold puppy or what?”

60 Zentimeter Schnee auf der Zugspitze in Bayern. Bis zu einem halben Meter in den Mittelgebirgen. Selbst in Schleswig-Holstein liegen 20 Zentimeter Schnee.

Climate Activists Unable To Curtail Their Toxic Emissions After Latest Failed Climate Talks

Mad as hell about the latest failed United Nations climate talks held at Doha (that’s number 18 now, I believe), climate activists and environmentalists everywhere have begun emitting huge amounts of angry hot air in a desperate attempt to vent their frantic frustration at this latest “betrayal” to, uh, reality.

Doha

Cursing, wailing, spitting and hissing sounds have been registered all over our globally warmed up globe, punctuated by regular reports of urgent pouting and stomping noises.

One group of activists is open to reason, however, having pledged instead to collectively hold their breaths until turning blue in the face together.

“It has long been evident that the United Nations talks were at best a partial solution to the planetary climate change problem, and at worst an expensive sideshow.”

PS: Thanks for the way cool CO2 gas mask link, A.K.

What Do Sinking South Pacific Islands Have To Do With Germany?

Nothing. Other than “tectonic shifts” made me think of “Teutonic shifts” (which don’t happen nearly as regularly). And this article I’m writing about was originally in German and published on Spiegel Online. And of course that Germans are all so terribly concerned about how South Pacific islands are sinking due the disastrous effects of rising sea levels caused by climate change.

Or are they?

And I also just felt like pondering hype and hysteria again, so popular here and everywhere else around the world and how folks just want and need to be scared and alarmed and in crisis mode all the time even when (especially when?) they don’t need to be. Anyways, said article starts off like this:

Environmentalist organizations have used images from South Pacific islands to illustrate the disastrous effects of rising sea levels. But a group of French researchers has found that the problem is much more complicated: The islands are also being pulled under by shifting tectonic plates.

Things are more complicated than we think, you see. Or more simple, I mean. There, that was it. I feel better now.

Momombo wako (the white man from the big island)!” Or “Momombo wackos (environmental terror mongers from elsewhere)!” if you prefer.

German Ecological Energy Turnaround Working!

As long as power plants that burn fossil fuels remain in operation, that is.

The Federal Network Agency warns that if ecologically questionable coal-fired power stations do not stay in operation, the German power grid will crash. Especially in Southern German “assured capacities” are missing.

Power stations old as dirt (and at least as dirty), ready to be shut down due to the high environmental pollution they cause, will have to remain in operation.

Details, details. The main thing is that Germany’s ideologically-fired power elite stay in power long enough to keep that visionary progress of theirs a comin’.

Die ökologische Energiewende in Deutschland scheint ohne umweltschädliche fossile Kraftwerke nicht zu funktionieren.