I Got Your Easy Rider For You Right Here

You’ve got it all here. You’ve got your German-Moraccan ISIS supporters getting arrested in Germany for trying to ship 7500 boots, 6000 military jackets and 100 military shits (130,000 euros total) to their pals in Syria.

German Biker

And then you’ve got your German biker gang (with strong Kurdish ties) bearing arms on an aid mission to Kurds fighting in the besieged Syrian city of Kobane.

I think I’ll go with the bikers.

Der Deutschmarokkaner habe nach Syrien ausreisen wollen, berichten die Ermittler. Das habe mit der Festnahme verhindert werden können. Der Libanese sei für die Lieferung von 7500 Stiefeln, 6000 Militärjacken und 100 Militärhemden im Wert von über 130.000 Euro nach Syrien verantwortlich gewesen, hieß es. Die Kleidungsstücke habe er in Deutschland aufgekauft und dann den Transport in das Bürgerkriegsland organisiert.

Germans Never Lose Their Heads

They pay up first.

German Hostages

Seeing German heads cut off by ISIS and Co. or anybody else out there would never do as it could lead an already nervous German citizenry into thinking that they might be part of the real world after all. And that could lead to dire consequences indeed.

The German government is sure to deny having paid any ransom here, of course. This is sound policy because not to have denied paying ransom to terrorists after having paid ransom to terrorists would only encourage these and other terrorists to take even more hostages, most likely hostages from other countries where ransom is not paid for hostages, and then kill these non-German hostages later once that ransom has not been paid.

Die zwei entführten Deutschen auf den Philippinen sind nach Berichten eines lokalen Radiosenders frei. Das von den Terroristen geforderte Lösegeld sei gezahlt worden.

The Germans Are Coming!

Just not right now.

Hoogan's Heroes

Germany wants to strengthen its role in international affairs. But recent reports suggest the country’s weapons systems are in such disrepair that Berlin actually has very little to offer its partners.

Ramshackle Military at Odds with Global Aspirations

And In Other News: Germany Unable To Deliver On Its NATO Promises

Ain’t no big deal. It’s not like NATO partners could ever get attacked or anything.

Bundeswehr

And besides, it’s not the Bundeswehr’s fault. “Industry” let them down again (or the lack of it?).

Germany could not currently fulfill its NATO commitments in the event of an attack on a member of the alliance, owing in part to severe backlogs in replacement parts for its aircraft.

“With our airborne systems we are currently below the target figures announced one year ago, defining what we would want to make available to NATO within 180 days in the case of an emergency,” Defense Minister von der Leyen told the “Bild am Sonntag” newspaper. “Delays for replacement parts for our planes and the missing helicopters are the reason for this.”

Red Carpet Treatment

For the guy with the gas. From Qatar.

Qatar

Who cares that Qatar funds ISIS terror and revels in exploiting its expatriate slave laborers ahead of the 2022 World Cup (to name just two minor points)? It is also the world’s biggest exporter of liquefied petroleum gas (LPG). And these days, with Germany’s good buddy Putin getting all uppity about passing his Russian gas (and currently suffering from a 35% Russian gas import addition) LPG looks like the next best drug of choice.

Economic ties remain key to Germany’s relationship with Qatar, one of the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries’ energy-rich members. The partnership increasingly encompasses energy interests, especially in light of the crisis in Ukraine and potential threats to Europe’s gas supplies.

Time For The Next Lösegeld Payment

You know, ransom? And this time the German government will be paying to get back two Salifists.

Iraq

ISIS is holding two German hostages in Syria they now see as being traitors. It seems these two fun-loving extremists felt the calling and flew down south to help the ISIS cause only to be shocked by the atrocities their ISIS heros commit (it wasn’t like this on the video game). They have now expressed their keen desire to leave the real world and return back home to Theme Park Germany.

Die beiden Personen sollen frühere Salafisten sein, die nach Gräueltaten des IS nach Deutschland zurückkehren wollten.

Togetherness

SPD party whip Thomas Oppermann has found it necessary to interrupt his clearly less than busy summer vacation to explain to Germans who already know that it is the United States ITSELF that is directly responsible for the rise of the ISIS terrorist group and their atrocities in Iraq.

Oppermann

The American intervention and overthrow of Saddam Hussein ten years ago, so the reasoning goes, ruined the “togetherness” that had predominated under the peoples and religions down there up until then. While their fearless leader was still around to take care of things like togetherness and stuff like that, I mean. Whatever.

But not to worry, folks. Six (that’s the number between five and seven) German soldiers have now been sent to the area to calm things down and clean things up.

Personally, I think that this guy needs to extend his vacation another month. He’s obviously stressed out and can’t see very clearly at the moment. Not only do Germans get terribly stressed out just watching TV (while on vacation or otherwise), a new study also indicates that the enormous stress Germans are generally under can lead to vision impairment, too.

Die US-Intervention habe das Miteinander der Völker und Religionen im Irak zerstört.