Author Archives: Hermann Observer

Expat Democrats Utterly Speechless But Vow To Remain Smug

November 10, 2016 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , 6 Comments

Smug

The crowd of expats who packed the Democrats Abroad election night party in Berlin to watch live election coverage by American broadcaster CNN was conspicuously young and conspicuously female. There had been much talk about apathy among so-called millennials in this campaign, but you wouldn’t have known that in the German capital…

Of course that was then and this is now.

“I’m in too much of an emotional state,” said expat Democrat X, when asked what she thought about the new President-elect. “No comment. But wait. I will say that you can bet we will bounce back from this and be just as self-righteous, priggish and self-satisfied as we ever have been. Mabe even more so. But just not right now, OK?”

Germany Has Spoken

November 8, 2016 By in History Tags: , 2 Comments

Trump is the devil incarnate and will usher in the end of the world as they know if elected (most Germans don’t believe in God or the devil but are willing to make an exception this time). Clinton, on the other hand, is more up their alley because she has the more politically correct kind of sex organ and is married to a former president of the United States thus making her much more qualified (female sex organs matter). She is also a Democrat and that rhymes with Social Democrat. And just like back home, nobody over here knows who Gary Johnson is, either.

So there we have it. But let’s move on tomorrow, people. One step after the other. No matter what.

German Engineering At Its Finest

November 6, 2016 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Fortschritt durch Technik. That’s Audi’s motto and means progress through technology.

Audi

And their latest advance in defeat device technology is a great step forward in consumer deception indeed.

Audi’s defeat device, camouflaged as a warm-up function, keys in on movements of the steering wheel to detect if the car is in the lab or not. Once in normal traffic, however, this warm-up function is deactivated and the vehicle switches to a higher fuel consumption mode, thus producing more CO2. Brilliant, don’t you think?

Come on, America. Why can’t you produce technology like this? These new fangled electric cars everybody is talking about these days don’t have any of this cool stuff.

So schummelte Audi bei CO² – Mit einer Software sollen Messergebnisse manipuliert worden sein.

Kraut EU Commissioner Sorry He Called Chinese Slitty-Eyed

November 4, 2016 By in Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

He actually meant to call them Chop Sticks. Or maybe Chinks. Or at the very least Ping Pongs.

Oettnger

What a Herm. This Boxhead Hun needs to get with the times already and call up the Racial Slur Database on that Heinee Handy (smartphone) of his. He is responsible for EU digital policy, after all.

“Frei von der Leber, as we say in German.”

I Can See For Miles

November 3, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Or at least for a kilometer or two.

Smog

Germany likes to see itself as a pioneer when dealing with environmental issues, but when it comes to implementing European standards, Berlin is hardly a poster child.

The European Union has opened 16 infringement procedures in total against Germany, for failing to implement environmental legislation on time or even at all.

And then there is: Shock…Germany To Come To Marrakesh Conference Empty-Handed! Withdraws Climate Protection Plan! Thanks for the tweet, Joe.

Young Germans Shamelessly Copying Americans Again

November 2, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Or at least that’s what the latest “Generation What?” survey taken by a German media group indicates to me: More than 70 percent of the young people here have no confidence in politics.

Confidence

When asked about political institutions, only 27 percent replied that they “more or less” had confidence in them. Only one percent asked said they trusted these institutions completely.

They were nearly as skeptical when it came to confidence in religious institutions and in the media itself.

Mehr als 70 Prozent der jungen Menschen ohne Vertrauen in die Politik.

Germans Now Allowed To Watch So-Called “Music Videos”

November 1, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Damn. The down side here is that this is finally going to let South Sudan pass Germany by. When it comes to blocking online music videos, I mean.

GEMA
The internet video platform YouTube and the German rights collection society GEMA have reached a deal under which artists who are GEMA members will receive payment when one of their videos is viewed, both sides announced on Tuesday. The agreement also brings an end to the red “blocking banners” notifying users in Germany that access to their favorite music was banned for copyright reasons.

“Ab heute geht’s los. Also habt bitte einen Moment Geduld, wenn noch nicht alle Videos sofort verfügbar sind.”