We Apologize For Being Russia Apologists

March 31, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Apologists, Crimea, German, Germans, Germany, Henry Kissinger, Leftists, Putin, Russia, Stockholm Syndrome, Surveys, Ukraine Leave a comment

But we’ve already gotten over it and we’re sure that you will soon, too.

Be they people who simply romanticize Russia, those with a penchant for realpolitik, those nostalgic for the Soviet Union or just armchair leftists, there are so many people seemingly sympathetic to the annexation that many are scratching their heads and asking if Germany is a country of Russia apologists.

No need to wonder about it, people. You are.

In the states that were part of East Germany, one encounters a bond with the former occupying power that at times borders on Stockholm syndrome.

PS: Between rounds of apologies for Putin, 100 German academics have found the time to get together and write an open letter in opposition to the planned honorary professorship of Henry Kissinger at the University of Bonn. They accuse the Nobel Peace Prize winner of being a war criminal, a criminal against humanity a Chilean putschist dude and an overall Emperor of Evil. I’m going to go out on the limb here, but something tells me that these professors were students back in 1968.

We Are Not Soft On Russia

March 28, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: China, Crimea, Dependency, Exports, Free speech, Germany, Human Rights, Humor, Putin, Russia, Satire, Trade Leave a comment

Germany said today. “We’re pretty soft on China, though.”

When asked why this is, the craven central European country replied “Well duh. We’re just like real pushovers when it comes to Chinese cash, that’s all. Isn’t every exporting powerhouse? We had a trade volume with China of 140.4 billion euros ($193 billion) last year, after all. That makes them our number 3 trading partner! And here you thought we were just dependent upon Russian gas.”

Asked whether China should stand up more assertively against Russia’s actions in Ukraine, Xi said that “China has no private interests” on the matter and added that Beijing always insists on non-interference in other countries’ internal affairs, as well as respecting nations’ territorial integrity.

McDonald’s Wastes 600000 Liters Of Water With Every Happy Meal Served

March 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Fast Food, German, Germans, Germany, Guilt, Humor, McDonald's, Reports, Satire, Waste, Water, WWF 2 Comments

Give or take a 0 or two, of course. And this is shocking. And bad.

The use of this water – used primarily for the cultivation of potatoes and grain, the feeding of livestock and the manufacture of beverages for McDonald’s customers – needs to be stopped immediately.

It could be used much more efficiently, or so the current WWF reports imply, if it were used for the cultivation of potatoes and grain, the feeding of livestock and the manufacture of beverages instead.

So stop eating fast food already and thus provide the rest of the world with this otherwise wasted water (“Over 60000000000000000000000000… liters served!”). What an epiphany. Why hadn’t anyone figured out this simple, simple truth long, long ago?

Burger, Pommes frites und ein Softdrink: Schon die Produktion eines einzigen Fast-Food-Menüs verbraucht nach WWF-Berechnungen 6000 Liter Wasser.

Königsberg War Schon Immer Eine Deutsche Stadt

March 21, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, History, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Germans, Germany, Humor, Kaliningrad, Königsberg, Putin, Russia, Satire, Ukraine Leave a comment

In light of Russia’s recent righting of the “historical error” made by Nikita Khrushchev when he decided to hand Crimea to the Ukrainian Socialist Soviet Republic back in 1954, the German government is now openly considering laying claim to the historic German city of Königsberg (OK, Kaliningrad) that was wrongly handed over to the Soviet Union back in 1945.

Talks with Moscow have not yet begun but are expected to proceed VERY slowly once they do, I mean once they don’t.

Kaliningrad, which as Konigsburg served as the capital of Prussia in the 1500s and 1600s and was home to German philosopher Immanuel Kant, still exudes Germanic history, despite having served as a closed military area in Soviet times. But today, Germans make up a mere 0.8 percent of the Russian exclave’s population of 940,000 — a far cry from Crimea’s significant ethnic Russian population and majority of Russian speakers.

Wandel durch Handel

March 20, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germany, Imports, Profit, Putin Crimea, Russia, Sanctions, Trade, Ukraine Leave a comment

Hey, that rhymes!

It means “change through trade” and applies of course to German trade with Russia. And that policy certainly seems to be working great these days, don’t you think?

There’s more Wandel going on in Russia (and in what’s left of a certain country bordering it) than even the Germans can Handel.

Sanctions and other measures must come step by step, giving Mr Putin chance after chance to stop further escalation.

Russia

March 19, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms exports, Crimea, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Pacifism, Profit, Putin, Rheinmetall, Russia Leave a comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

In addition to purchasing two French helicopter carriers for $1.6 billion, the Russians turned to the German firm Rheinmetall Defence to build a $132 million modern army training center — Mulino — near Nizhny Novgorod on the Volga.

Ein Gefechtsübungszentrum bei Mulino soll demnach noch in diesem Jahr dem russischen Heer übergeben werden. Im Moment sehe man keine Risiken für eine termingerechte Lieferung und wolle über die Folgen einer etwaigen weiteren Verschlechterung der Beziehungen zu Russland nicht spekulieren, sagte der Sprecher weiter.

Germans So Concerned About Crimea Annexation They Close A $7 Billion Energy Deal With Russia

March 18, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Exports, Gas, Germany, Imports, Oil, Profit, Russia, RWE Leave a comment

The German utility RWE announced that it had reached preliminary agreement to sell its oil and natural gas subsidiary, RWE Dea, to two Russian billionaires, Mikhail Fridman and German Khan, for 5.1 billion euros, or about $7 billion.

After the deal is finalized later this year it will be one of the priciest for Russian business.

Give Profit A Chance

March 14, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Dependency, EU, Exports, Germany, Imports, Pacifism, Profit, Russia, Trade Leave a comment

Germans just want to live in peace and harmony with Russia, people. Regardless of this Crimea episode or not, I mean. Of course they don’t mind living with the profit coming out of Russia, either. But still.

Here’s a fun fact for you: Germany accounts for a third of the EU’s total exports to Russia. So, well, let’s let Europe speak with one unified voice concerning this matter. As long as it is a voice with a strong German accent, I mean.

The Committee on Eastern European Economic Relations, a lobby group representing big businesses, says that 300,000 German jobs depend on trade with Russia, 6,200 companies with German owners are active in Russia, and German companies have invested €20 billion there. No surprise, then, that the committee’s boss calls sanctions “senseless”.

Influential Gazprom Lobbyist Explains How EU Is To Blame For Coming Russian Annexation Of Crimea

March 12, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Disinformation, Gazpron, Gerhard Schroeder, Germany, Hitler, Humor, Lobbyists, Propaganda, Putin, Russia, Satire, Ukraine 1 Comment

A highly influential lobbyist for Russia’s steamrolling natural gas colossus Gazprom (and former chancellor of Germany) has taken time off from his busy disinformation timetable to explain how the European Union’s policy toward Ukraine caused this whole unfortunate Russian-Ukraine-Crimea mess in the first place.

The loggyist explained how when the EU offered Ukraine an association agreement based on what he called “either/or” terms (either the EU or Russia), this confused practically everyone involved because, as we all know, offering people a free choice “over there” can only lead to the wrong choice being made, thus giving Russia the legal right to intervene, more or less.

“In the 1930s, Nazi Germany occupied part of neighbouring Czechoslovakia under the pretext of protecting ethnic Germans.”

Germans Worried That Germans Are Spending Too Much

March 11, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Economy, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Imports, Satire, Saving, Spending, Worry 1 Comment

Now that they can’t worry about Germans spending too little for once, I mean.

Everything is geared for disaster here and every German knows it: Exports, imports, consumption, employment. You name it, it’s all working way too splendidly. Das kann nicht gut gehen (that’s never going to work out). Like oh my God we are all going to die.

Ausfuhren, Importe und Konsum laufen prächtig.

PS: But a little more on the serious side, what the hell else are you going to do with your money these days except spend it?

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habitudes