Is 77 Percent A Lot?

February 24, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Immigration, Migrants, Refugees, Syria 3 Comments

That’s the percentage of migrants who came to Germany in January without having any identification papers.

But don’t worry about that or anything. Everything is under control, as usual. Human rights organizations even say that there is a good explanation for this. And that’s of course when I stopped reading the article because I have a good explanation for this, too. It’s called: Not wanting to be identified.

Have any of you non-migrant types who already live here or elsewhere legally ever tried to explain to a German cop or other German authority that you do not have an ID when asked for one? I didn’t think so. It wouldn’t, like, fly well. Like not well at all. But some of us are more equal than others these days, I guess.

Der überwiegende Teil der Flüchtlinge, die nach Deutschland kommen, hat keine gültigen Papiere. Nach Ansicht von Menschenrechtsorganisationen gibt es dafür auch eine gute Erklärung.

That Photo Says It All

February 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Festivals, Films, Movies, Stars Leave a comment

About this year’s Berlin Film Festival, I mean. Or Berlinale, if your prefer.

“A dud line-up… A competition film lasting eight hours… The Berlin competition DOES tend to be serious… Misguided inclusions… Films about German characters played by English actors who speak in English but with German accents… Meryl Streep… Disappointment… Acute no-frills psychological realism… An extraordinary docudrama of sorts… More Meryl Streep… More Disappointment… George Clooney.”

Ya’ll come back now next year! Ya hear?

Good Enough For Government Work

February 21, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Bundestag, Christian Klar, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Left Party, RAF, Socialism, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

A convicted murderer and RAF terrorist working for a representative of The Left party in the Bundestag?

So what? Ain’t no big deal. Christian Klar is apparently more into web design these days so it’s time to let bygones be bygones. You know, like The Left party and its agitating world socialist friends over at the International Committee of the Fourth International have done?

His new boss, Dr. Diether Dehm, did, however, run into a bit of a snag trying to get Klar a security pass to enter the Bundestag as his personal guest – some revisionist imperialist a-hole over at the pass office turned down his request due to something he called Sicherheitsbedenken (security conserns), but you know the deal, folks. Left it up to your imagination. Where there’s a will there’s a way.

“Der Feind der Demokratie hat nichts im Herzstück der Demokratie zu suchen.”

German Of The Day: Unproblematisch

February 19, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms exports, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Pacifism, Profit, Sigmar Gabriel, SPD, Weapons Leave a comment

That means problem-free or uncomplicated.

And that is what Germany’s economics minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD) has to say about the significant rise in German arms exports. It’s problem-free. And totally uncomplicated.

He is the economics minister, after all. What could be more “economical” than increased arms sales? And you also need to know that this guy took office in 2013 promising to significantly restrict arms exports. So, well, there. At least his heart is in the right place.

SPD-Chef Gabriel hatte sein Amt Ende 2013 mit dem Versprechen angetreten, die Rüstungsexporte deutlich einzuschränken. Nun räumte er ein, dass seine Halbzeitbilanz „Licht und Schatten“ aufweise.

Speaking Of Life Jackets…

February 16, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Art, Berlin, Celebrities, Cinema for Peace, Embarrassment, Film, Kunst, Movies, Refugees Leave a comment

Anybody who voluntarily goes to this event needs to be wearing one at the very least. Und zwar (namely) a get-a-life jacket*.

That’s right. It’s Cinema for Peace time in Berlin again and this year’s theme is, how the hell do I know? Nobody knows. Refugees? Whatever it is it looks like only those with good connections to the cereal industry are allowed to take part this year (same procedure as every year). You know, you’ve got to be either a nut, a fruit or a flake?

Like, what is any of this supposed to mean?

Den Mist mache ich nicht mit, ich kacke ja auch nicht auf den Tisch im Namen der Kunst.

* Space blankets are of course also angesagt (hot) this year.

Family Brown

February 14, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Humor Tags: eBooks, Familie Braun, Foreigners, Free Ebooks, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler, Humor, Language, Neo-Nazis, Sales, Satire, TV, Xenophobia, ZDF Leave a comment

Satire alarm! Please remain calm.

This neo-Nazi dude had a one-night-stand with this Eritrean chick seven years previously who is now being abgeschoben (deported) because of Ausländer raus (foreigners out) and all that so now he has to take care of his daughter who was the result of their short liaison.

Der guckt nicht traurig, der guckt nachdenklich. Er hat sehr viel nachgedacht früher.

PS: Today’s your last chance to get your FREE COPY of the highly acclaimed Smashwords ebook The Little Red Book: Of Little-Read Jokes about the Enlightened Left, which I can also highly recommend as I did the highly acclaiming part, too.

Meryl Streep Wants More Inclusion

February 12, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Festivals, Films, Hollywood, Humor, Inclusion, Meryl Streep, Movies Leave a comment

As Berlin Film Festival Jury head, that is. In industry and politics, I mean. And the Berlinale is just the place to, uh, want that kind of thing, or something.

You know, more women, more people of non-white color, more transgender cats and dogs, more environmentally friendly refrigerators, stuff like that needs more inclusion. Who would disagree? Who even could? And we’re talking inclusion as in diversity here, people. NOT assimilation.

Sadly, things that are definitely not included in the inclusion here – here at the Berlin Film Festival, I mean, the Berlinale, that is, the reason why this lady from Hollywood is here in the first place – are films that anybody/anything in his/her/its right mind might ever possibly want to see.

“The thing I’ve noticed from my different roles is there is a core of humanity that travels right through every culture. And, after all, we’re all from Africa, originally. We’re all Berliners. We’re all Africans, really.”

Police Brutality Is Real

February 11, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Buses, BVG, Döner Kebab, Fast Food, Food, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Police, Public Transportation 1 Comment

Police in Berlin had to drag a man from a bus on Wednesday evening after he refused to stop eating a Döner which he’d brought on board.

It’s a far cry from the relaxed attitude promoted in BVG advertising.

Döner im Bus ist verboten – was ist denn erlaubt?

Leftest Violence Still As Harmless As Ever

February 10, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Arson, Berlin, Crime, Gentrification, German, Germans, Germany, Language, The Left, Vandalism, Violence Leave a comment

Ah Berlin. I love the smell of barbecue ignition chemicals in the morning.

In the past seven days, the extremists proved true to their claim, starting what could be the most destructive single anti-gentrification action any city in Europe has yet seen. On Saturday, a gang of 40 masked vandals smashed up 28 cars in the area near central Potsdamer Platz, leaving some of them in flames. Attacks continued the following night in the southwestern district of Neukolln, when at least 20 more cars were damaged and shop windows smashed in.

But don’t worry, folks. The Deutsche Welle reassures us that in the wake of two spates of property damage by extremists in Berlin, some news outlets and politicians have warned of a rise in “leftist violence.” But the long-term stats do not bear this out.

Well if it’s only a protest against gentrification, then alles klar (say no more). Why didn’t you say so in the first place? We thought it had something to do with property rights, respect for the law and senseless violence and vandalism again.

The vandals’ weapon of choice is a disposable tinfoil barbecue set of a sort that many German stores sell for use as summer grills in the park.

Greens Ask Germans To Lower Anxiety Level

February 9, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Anxiety, Crime, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Gun control, Guns, Insecurity, Political Parties, Refugees, Self-Defense, Terror, Weapons 2 Comments

Explaining that “if more people are carrying weapons it will lead to an escalation rather than a calming of the situation,” German Green spokesperson Irene Mihalic wishes to explain to her unenlightened subjects how the current sharp increase in non-lethal weapons sales over the past three months in Germany is just not nice and ought to be like stopped immediately already, you guys.

Damn. Why didn’t anybody else think about telling the rabble this before?

Mihalovic, who is Green Party spokesperson for internal security, explained the increase in demand for licenses through a growing sense of insecurity in the population.

Damn number 2. Another clever observation. I may have to rethink my stand on these German Green Shirts after all.

“Nach der Kölner Silvesternacht gibt es viel Aktionismus.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Helplessness