German Of The Day: Bratwurst

That means bratwurst. Oh, brother. Dopey Americans eating goofy German food.

“It smells like prune juice and beer had a baby.”

Amerikaner mögen Pizza, Burger und Cola. Was passiert aber, wenn sie deutsches Essen probieren? Was halten sie von Vitamalz, Lakritze und Bratwurst? Ein Youtube-Video zeigt die Antwort.

 

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And The Little Girl Was Goose-Stepping, Too

And those Christmas trees covered in snow? Talk about white supremacist symbolism par excellence.

Christmas

Are we having that Christmas spirit yet, Germany? It’s time to find Nazi symbolism in supermarket TV ads that make a pitch for spending more time with your children during the holidays. Seek and you shall find, I always say. But don’t forget to take your medication regularly, I also always say.

A Volvo shown in the 84-second clip has the number plate MU SS 420. “SS” is forbidden on German number plates because it is synonymous with the Schutzstaffel, the Nazis’ paramilitary “protection squadron”. The number 420 is a common abbreviation – especially in far-right circles in the US – for Nazi leader Adolf Hitler’s birthday, 20 April.

365/24 = 24/7/365

Or 15.20833333333333, if you prefer.

Berlin

And here you thought my math was bad. And it is. But Berlin’s tourism experts seem to be even worse at it because their new slogan just does not add up at all: 365/24. At least it doesn’t for the numerous people around town making fun of it these days.

It is supposed to imply that Berlin is a way cool place that never closes, of course, but a lot of citizens here don’t really see it that way. Lots and lots of stuff and places that never close are broken/closed/being rebuilt here all the time and it is not at all uncommon to wait around way more than 365/24 for them to open up again. And they aren’t impressed with the slogan’s lack of originality, either.

And while we’re at it (laughing at Berlin, I mean), there’s a new book out that’s got a number in its slogan, too. It’s called “111 Reasons to Hate Berlin.” Here is one of them that all Berliners love, I mean hate: Whether in the summer heat, the snow, the rain or even if it’s just an uneven hour of the day, the S-Bahn craps out along the entire line.

“Berlin ist nicht nur scheiße. Es ist noch scheißer, als es mal war. Und das muss man erst mal schaffen. Berlin gibt Scheiße eine ganz neue Definition.”

Michael Moore Moved By German Kindness

But only about a centimeter or two.

Michael Moore

He’s a really big guy, see?

In a special wide-screen video appearance made especially for this year’s crappy Berlin Film Festival (Moore’s own latest crappy film, “Who to Offend Next,” oops, I mean “Where to Invade Next” is being shown here but he unfortunately cannot attend due to pneumonia and being a really, honking hefty dude, like I said) the annoying loudmouth commended Germany for its “kindness towards refugees, which has moved me and millions of Americans.” But, hey. Somebody’s got to do it, I guess.

Wanna see an even better Michael Moore video? When he was skinny, I mean?

Eure Großzügigkeit und Güte gegenüber Flüchtlingen haben mich und Millionen Amerikaner bewegt. Und ich weiß, es gibt Probleme.

English Of The Day: Fancy

Flula: “I tried to eat items. You know, food? And I was in a restaurant to eat some food. But the salad that I did like it was having like a weird thing. Some strange cheeses…”

“Get away from my fancy. It’s my fancy.”

Or check out the “he is from, where are you from?” pseudo-dirndl-gal who’s way too excited about learning how to be German. In Los Angeles.

Eclipse Faked By Jan Böhmermann

That was the sunniest damned eclipse I ever saw, people. What a dud. I think it was faked by Jan Böhmermann.

Finger

The row (about the Varoufakis flip off video) took a fresh twist on Wednesday evening when satirical programme Neo Magazin Royale, on a rival channel, claimed that it had doctored the video and uploaded it to the internet.

Host Jan Böhmermann claimed his team had used digital editing software to insert the indecent gesture. Then it showed another clip it said was the original, in which Mr Varoufakis made the same remarks but without the gesture. A regretful Mr Böhmermann told his audience they were behind the “fake” Stinkefinger footage.

It didn’t take long, however, until the fake was itself revealed as a fake.

„Dieser Witz hat nie stattgefunden.”

Imperial Forces Overrun Frankfurt International Airport

This could never happen in Berlin. Berlin doesn’t have an airport big enough.

The creator of the YouTube video, which shows Storm Troopers and Imperial Shuttles taking over Frankfurt Airport, claimed he captured the scene after landing on a flight from the U.S.

That’s No German Sunbather

This here “Video captures terrifying moment low-flying plane misses German sunbather by just inches” video is like such a fake.

That dude can’t be a German sunbather. He’s still wearing clothes.

A German sunbather is seen just seconds before a plane nearly collided into him while attempting to land on a nearby airstrip at the island of Helgoland, in northern Germany.

Pissed Off German Accidentally Says Something Meaningful

Putin-Understanders: “Warmonger! Warmonger! Stop the Nazis in Ukraine!”

German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier: “The world does not consist of peace angels on one side and villains on the other. The world is unfortunately more complicated than that. And thank God there are still a few people out there who address this complexity and look for ways out of the crisis in Ukraine.”

“Dieses Maß an Hass und Dummheit, das mir auf dieser Veranstaltung entgegenschallte, hat mich in einem so hohen Maße empört, dass diese Rede so zustande kam, wie sie zustande kam.”

A Sound Panzer?

What will they tank of next?

The Sound Tank (or “Sound Panzer,” as Nowak refers to it in the video) is a reconfigured mini-dump truck that Nowak was able to transform into a colossal mobile soundsystem. Nowak designed the bass-bumping vehicle’s giant speaker wall with a hydraulic system, enabling him to raise it upright and point the 13 loudspeakers and three 18-inch subwoofers at any target.

Someone fired a gun next to Nowak’s ear as a young child, and as a result the artist lost the ability to hear high frequencies with his right ear. “That experience brought home to me the extent to which sound can shape reality,” Nowak muses in the video.

PS: For those interested in old school NSA stuff, there are some good shots of what is left of the old Teufelsberg facility in the video, too.