Ende gut, alles gut. All’s well that ends well. But the Germans sure didn’t look like they were feeling very well while playing Algeria yesterday.
Would you rather we played beautiful football but got knocked out?
PS: Good luck with Belgium, OOZA!
Category Archives: Hurt Feelings
German Army Wants Armed Drones Just In Case
So it can have the military ability to answer with a resounding no if anybody ever asks them to use them, I mean.
What on earth are they smoking over there with Colonel Klink these days, anyway?
Drone-opponents worry that having armed drones at the Bundeswehr’s disposal will lower inhibitions to use them, too. There is also the fear that fully automatic drones will at some point be able to make decisions regarding life or death. UAVs can already take off and land by themselves and – once programmed – fly routes without human involvement.
Germany’s Germans Better Than Amerika’s Germans
Germans Say. Those soccer playing German-American Germans on the American team, I mean. The German-German Germans are more German-like or something. Gee, I never really thought about that before but that really makes sense.
And that’s why they just had to win last Thursday. And did, of course. But we should gönne (grant) them that and not begrudge them just because we as “Americans want to win everything.” Real Germans don’t want to win everything, I can only assume, and therefore the least the rest of us as in U.S. (and the rest of the world) can do is to finally let them win the World Cup for once already for crying out loud. Or for the third or fourth time now, I forget.
“The US has everything. Hollywood, money, weapons, let us have at least football.”
America Decides Its Gold Is Safe In German Hands
No, wait. Germany has decided its gold is safe in American hands (I knew it was one of those).
Surging mistrust of the euro during Europe’s debt crisis fed a campaign to bring Germany’s entire $141 billion gold reserve home from New York and London. Now, after politics shifted in Chancellor Angela Merkel’s coalition, the government has concluded that stashing half its bullion abroad is prudent after all.
“The Americans are taking good care of our gold… It’s my view that the gold reserves should be stored wherever they might be needed in an emergency.”
Been There Done That
US student is rescued from giant vagina sculpture in Germany
On Friday afternoon, a young American in Tübingen had to be rescued by 22 firefighters after getting trapped inside a giant sculpture of a vagina.
Police confirmed that the firefighters turned midwives delivered the student “by hand and without the application of tools”.
PS: Speaking of the fighting spirit… Jürgen Klinsmann has promised that his USA team will play to win against Germany in their final Group G match on Thursday, even though a draw would be enough to see both teams through to the knockout phase.
As If Nazi Streakers At World Cup Games Weren’t Bad Enough
And they are.
The Beatles themselves are now being forced to sing in German for Adolf Hitler.
In a controversial new computer game thingy, I mean.
“It was very important to us to create a credible soundtrack for Wolfenstein. We wanted to capture the tone of this alternate universe where the Nazis won World War II.”
German Tanks Finally Doing Something Useful
They have rolled in to occupy the city of Düsseldorf.
I mean they have rolled in to occupy themselves with Umweltschäden (ecological damage) in the city of Düsseldorf.
This damage was caused by a big honking storm that slammed Germany the other day. And this means war or something.
„Hier sieht‘s aus, wie nach dem Krieg.“
Joe Biden Can Say Squirrel
And that’s not that easy, you know. He can say “xenophobic,” too. For no particular reason at all.
Joe Biden says all kinds of stuff, all the time. He can say Obama’s healthcare enactment “is a “big f**king deal,” for instance. He can even say to a wheelchair-bound politician to “stand up for a round of applause.” The problem here, of course, is getting Joe Biden to stop staying stuff.
“Look at Germany. Look at the rest of the world. America is the only non-xenophobic nation in the world that’s a major economy.”
This Is Supposed To Be News?
It’s never been any different.
A poll published by research firm infratest dimap last week indicates German trust in the U.S. has plummeted to lows not seen since the thick of the Iraq war. Another poll, published in May, showed those Germans surveyed were more interested in deepening their country’s ties with China than they were in doing so with the U.S. A third, published in April, showed that nearly half wanted Germany to take a “middle position” in the Ukraine conflict rather than standing firmly on the side of the West.
Maybe The Turks Could Build One Of These New-Fangled Airport Thingies In Berlin, Too
The construction of the world’s largest airport began on June 7 in Istanbul with a massive groundbreaking ceremony. When fully completed in 2018, the 10 billion-euro airport will be able to carry 150 million passengers a year, making it one of the world’s busiest airports.
Meanwhile, back in Germany…
Berlin’s disastrous airport project (groundbreaking so long ago nobody can remember anymore, at one time planned to open in June 2012 Anno Domini) was hit with another scandal after its technical director was suspended pending an investigation into alleged corruption. A “leading employee” responsible for awarding contracts during the on-going construction of the hopelessly-delayed Berlin Brandenburg airport (BER), is suspected of having demanded €500,000 bribes from a prospective contractor.
Berlin’s airport is already too small.
Observing Hermann 