German Of The Day: Butt and Fuchs

Butt is a short form for halibut (although in this case it’s just somebody’s name). Fuchs means fox. Not like anybody cares here.

Butt

Linus Butt and Florian Fuchs were part of a German team that destroyed their Canadian opponents 6-2 in a group stage fixture on Saturday in Rio de Janeiro.

Footage shows the two men standing standing with their backs to the camera during the game with the surnames on their shirts side-by-side.

But Twitter immediately reacted with one user, Kris Kristensen, posting the image along with the caption: ‘This one’s for the 12 year old in all of us.’

Poor But Sexy, But Poor

Those were the days. Berlin used to be just (arm aber sexy) poor but sexy.

Poor

Now Berlin is poor but sexy, but poor. At least when it comes to trying to earn a living here.

The German capital pulls down the per capita income for the entire country. According to Eurostat (the European statistics office), Germany’s gross national product (with an emphasis on gross) would climb 0.2 percent if they could just find a way to factor out losers like us here in Berlin.

Poor? Yo capital is so poor it can’t afford to pay attention.

Die Hauptstadt drückt auf das Pro-Kopf-Einkommen der gesamten Bundesrepublik: Das Bruttoinlandsprodukt je Einwohner würde um 0,2 Prozent steigen, wenn man Berlin und seine Einwohner ausklammert, wie das Institut der deutschen Wirtschaft (IW) auf Basis von Daten des Europäischen Statistikamtes Eurostat errechnete.

Dial M For Migrant

To get the ISIS-ones-now-operating-in-Germany kind, I mean.

Ansbach

The two refugees who launched terror attacks in Germany last month were in contact with suspected members of the militant group Isis, including one with a Saudi phone number, according to reports in the German media on Saturday.

Records of internet communication now in the hands of German investigators show both men, the Afghan teenager Riaz Khan Ahmadzai, and Mohammed Daleel, a 27-year-old Syrian, were advised and directed by Isis, which provided tips on ensuring the maximum number of casualties.

“This area will be full of people. Kill them all.”

Attentäter sollen Anweisungen per Handy erhalten haben.

German Of The Day: Bewaffnete Bürger

No, that doesn’t mean Waffle Burger (do you want fries with that?). It means armed citizens.

Guns

And yes, believe it or not, many Germans actually own so-called “guns.” Although a lot of them are just Schreckschusswaffen (alarm guns that fire blanks).

And word is out that the number of Germans wanting guns of any kind has increased dramatically the past year or two, for some inexplicable reason.

“As of June 2016, there were 402,301 small arms carry permits in the National Weapons Register,” the Interior Ministry said. The first half of 2015 recorded slightly less than 270,000 requests for permits – that’s an almost 50% jump in permit applications.

Next German Practical Joke Goes Haywire

What do the Germans have with the Spanish these days, anyway? Yesterday’s flash mob antics in Catalonia failed miserably.

Fire

Now a German man says a toilet paper mishap (that certainly starts off well, doesn’t it?) started a wildfire on La Palma.

The 27-year-old man told police that he had attempted to burn toilet paper used after he defecated off of a forest trail in a nature park, but quickly sparked a blaze.

Der unter Verdacht stehende Deutsche hat laut Polizei keinen festen Wohnsitz. Die Zeitung “ABC” schrieb, er wohne in einer Höhle.

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

“I always knew that German tourists were a laugh a minute but this number here nearly KILLED me!”

Stunt

Five young German women were arrested after a flash mob stunt at a Spanish resort sparked a terror alert, police said Wednesday (Aug 3).

The five caused a stampede in Platja d’Aro in the northeastern region of Catalonia late Tuesday when one of them pretended to be a celebrity and the rest chased after her, whooping and screaming as they tried to snap her paparazzi-style…

Eleven people needed treatment for bruising and panic attacks.

The stunt occurred on the heels of an assault in the French Riviera resort of Nice on July 14 in which a man killed 84 people by ramming them with a truck.

Angeblich sollte dabei die Verfolgungsjagd eines Prominenten durch Paparazzi simuliert werden.

Half Of German Army Resigns

Over 400 German soldiers have filed applications for resignation from the country’s armed forces, leaving the other half to fend for itself all on its own.

Bundeswehr

Combat situations are often revelatory moments in which the risk of a soldier’s career – of killing or being killed is often realized for the first time and then experienced in its full scope,” said a Left party Bundeswehr expert when interviewed about the matter.

“That the German army doesn’t ever experience any combat situations like ever at all (as in NEVER) is the really mysterious thing behind all of this,” said another unnamed expert who wasn’t even being interviewed. Or even asked, for that matter. Nor will he ever be, as far as I can figure.

Seit Mitte 2014 wollten 62 Soldatinnen und 407 Soldaten aus Gewissensgründen entlassen werden.

Money For Nothing

But no chicks for free.

Debt

Speaking of debt… Here’s the state of the state today, folks. If you’re not one of us, if you’re the German government, for example, you can actually make money with your debt.

The German state profited from incurring more debt in the first half of this year, a newspaper report showed on Monday.

State bonds issued with negative interest rates flushed around 1.5 billion euros ($1.68 billion) into federal coffers, as total interest spending dropped from 9.7 to seven billion, the “Bild” daily reported.

German government bonds with a maturity of up to 10 years currently carry a negative interest rate, which means investors, who would traditionally expect a return on their investment, actually pay to own them.

You Gotta Have Rules

In order for the EU to work properly, I mean. Take deficit spending (please). The infamous Maastricht “deficit criterion” from 1992 is one of my personal favorites. It’s limited to 3 (three) percent.

Rules

The euro convergence criteria (also known as the Maastricht criteria) are the criteria which European Union member states are required to meet to enter the third stage of the Economic and Monetary Union (EMU) and adopt the euro as their currency…

2. Government budget deficit: The ratio of the annual general government deficit relative to gross domestic product (GDP) at market prices, must not exceed 3% at the end of the preceding fiscal year (based on notified measured data) and neither for any of the two subsequent years (based on the European Commission’s published forecast data). Deficits being “slightly above the limit” (previously outlined by the evaluation practice to mean deficits in the range from 3.0–3.5%[9]), will as a standard rule not be accepted, unless it can be established that either: “1) The deficit ratio has declined substantially and continuously before reaching the level close to the 3% limit” or “2) The small deficit ratio excess above the 3% limit has been caused by exceptional circumstances and has a temporary nature (i.e. expenditure one-offs triggered by a significant economic downturn, or expenditure one-offs triggered by the implementation of economic reforms with a positive mid/long-term effect)”.[5][6][10] If a state is found by the Commission to have breached the deficit criteria, they will recommend the Council of the European Union to open up a deficit-breached EDP against the state in accordance with Article 126(6), which only will be abrogated again when the state simultaneously comply with both the deficit and debt criteria.

I don’t understand everything there under item 2, of course, but apparently neither did most of the countries that signed the treaty (at least I get the 3 percent part). See the graph above about the EU’s top “deficit offenders.” It’s been going on like this for years and years, too. Any questions?

In Italien droht ein Bankenkollaps, in Spanien, Portugal und Frankreich herrscht der Schuldenstaat: Die Eurozone driftet auseinander, Regeln werden kaum noch eingehalten.