500 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall, 500 Bottles Of Beer…

And here I thought I was bad. And I am.

Beer

But Germans drink lots of booze, too. The Suffköppe (guzzlers).

According to a report by the World Health Organization, when it comes to alcohol consumption every German over 15 drinks the equivalent of 500 bottles of beer each year. They didn’t say how much the Germans under 15 drink.

Die Deutschen trinken unverändert viel Alkohol. Nach einem neuen Bericht der Weltgesundheitsorganisation (WHO) konsumierte jeder Deutsche über 15 Jahren im Jahr 2012 im Schnitt 11,8 Liter reinen Alkohol. Das entspricht gut 500 Flaschen Bier und ist ebenso viel wie zwischen 2008 und 2010.

Eurovision?

I think it’s time they changed the name of this thing to the Eurohallucination Song Contest.

Conchita

The Eurovision Song Contest, which played to a TV audience of more than 120 million Saturday, was won by bearded Austrian drag queen Conchita Wurst.

Wurst said: “This night is dedicated to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom. You know who you are — we are unity and we are unstoppable.”

“Diese Nacht widme ich allen, die an Frieden und Freiheit glauben. Wir sind eine Einheit”, schluchzte Wurst.

This Detergent Will Get Your Clothes Whiter Than White

A detergent just got pulled in Germany over a neo-Nazi code? Uh, OK.

Detergent

The use of Nazi slogans in public is banned in Germany, which neo-Nazis often try to circumvent by using codes. They use “88” to represent the phrase “Heil Hitler,” because “H” is the eighth letter of the alphabet. Similarly, “18” is used to stand for “A.H.” or Adolf Hitler.

Wow or something. I’ll wait until they come out with a product labeled “23-7-1-19” before I start getting all excited. That’s code for “W.G.A.S” or “Who gives a shit?”

“Für ein reines Deutschland.”

German Of The Day: Putin-Versteher

That means Putin-Understander.

Versteher

The battle of opinion regarding Ukraine has introduced a few new words to the main stream of the German language, and a few that had been leading a niche existence up until then. The best known one is Putin-Understander.

Most Russlandversteher (Russia-Understander) are, like Mr Schmidt and Mr Schröder, on the political left. The Social Democrats believe they have learnt from Ostpolitik, the eastern policy begun by Chancellor Willy Brandt in the 1970s, that when it comes to Russia rapprochement works and confrontation does not. The Left, a party that largely descends from former East German communists, goes further, channelling well-honed anti-American and Russophile instincts and seeing the Ukraine crisis as a natural Russian response to NATO’s expansionism. A Left leader, Katja Kipping, draws in American snooping, attacking Germany’s refusal to interview Edward Snowden, a whistle-blowing ex-contractor for the NSA hiding in Russia. She has called Chancellor Angela Merkel “the USA’s poodle.”

Der Meinungskampf um die Ukraine hat der deutschen Sprache auch ein paar neue Wörter beschert oder solche, die vorher ein ausgesprochenes Nischendasein führten, in den Hauptstrom der Sprache geschwemmt. Das bekannteste Beispiel ist der Putin-Versteher.

American Internet Security Expert David Hasselhoff Speaks at Berlin’s re:publica

And honestly, folks. What would a digital natives summit to tackle surveillance be without him?

Hoff

He’s been looking for digital freedom or something. And damned if he didn’t find it. Here of all places. Hey, just because you can’t read or carry a note doesn’t mean you can’t keynote.

Der Saal ist gut gefüllt, voll ist er nicht.

That Guy Down There Works For The Telekom

And it looks to me like they’re trying to save on energy these days or something.

Telekom

Hey, who needs the NSA when you’ve got the Telekom right here at home in your own backyard in Germany? Doing the wiretapping, I mean.

Hello? Hello out there! Where’s all the excitement about this? The Telekom just got a little more transparent and admitted that it taps 50,000 phone connections a year. It hands out information on a million IP addresses annually, too. No, not to the NSA. To certain German “state agencies” that wish to remain unnamed.

Well there is a big difference here, you know. The difference being, of course, that the Telekom “sticks to the rules” and no one here has any reason to doubt them because the Telekom would not lie to us, I mean you, and besides, Germans snooping on Germans in a country like Germany when not following the rules precisely and to the letter is absolutely unimaginable and thoroughly ausgeschlossen (impossible). Here, I mean.

Die Telekom ist verpflichtet, in bestimmten Fällen mit Behörden zusammenzuarbeiten. Wie viele Anfragen es jährlich gibt, erstaunt dann doch. Neben tausenden überwachten Telefonanschlüssen gibt die Telekom Daten zu fast einer Million IP-Adressen preis.

German Spy Etiquiette Initiative Fails For Now

But will most likely be introduced again at a much later date once hell freezes over.

Spy

The United States and Germany had been negotiating over mutual rules for intelligence-gathering aimed at each other, but there still appears to be “some gaps that need to be worked through.”

It seems Angie Merkel suddenly had more important things to say than talk about the NSA during her latest stay in the USA. Hey, that rhymes.

“We do not have a blanket no-spy agreement with any country.”