And In Other News: Germany Unable To Deliver On Its NATO Promises

September 28, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, Germany, ISIS, Military, NATO, Russia, Ukraine Leave a comment

Ain’t no big deal. It’s not like NATO partners could ever get attacked or anything.

And besides, it’s not the Bundeswehr’s fault. “Industry” let them down again (or the lack of it?).

Germany could not currently fulfill its NATO commitments in the event of an attack on a member of the alliance, owing in part to severe backlogs in replacement parts for its aircraft.

“With our airborne systems we are currently below the target figures announced one year ago, defining what we would want to make available to NATO within 180 days in the case of an emergency,” Defense Minister von der Leyen told the “Bild am Sonntag” newspaper. “Delays for replacement parts for our planes and the missing helicopters are the reason for this.”

The German War Machine She Is Broken

September 25, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Army, Bundeswehr, Defense, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Pacifism, Profit Leave a comment

Only half of Germany’s Eurofighters are operational. Of Germany’s 180 tanks (total), only 70 are ready to roll.

But honestly, who cares? Where would these tanks roll to even if they could roll? Other than over and die, I mean.

This “shocking” new revelation that doesn’t shock anybody who has lived in this country for more than five minutes is just another one of these famous German Scheindiskussionen (mock discussions). Everybody here knows that even if all of this equipment was in perfect working condition it would never be used anyway. It’s at times like these when everyone else in the world can see what the German army really is: An Alibi Army (you can’t sell expensive weapons systems without having an army to justify why you built them). Not that anybody out there could care less or anything. But still.

Nur 42 der 74 verfügbaren Eurofighter der Luftwaffe sollen für Ausbildung, Übungsflüge oder Einsatz bereitstehen, bei den Tornado-Jägern seien es nur 38 von 66. Von den 43 aktuell verfügbaren Transall-Maschinen C160 könnten demnach nur 24 starten, beim Transporthubschrauber CH-53 seien nur 16 von 43 einsatzbereit…

US-Amerika Raising Tensions Again

March 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, North Korea, Nuclear weapons, Pacifism, Pacifists, Satire Leave a comment

United States military forces have once again dramatically and unnecessarily raised tensions all over the place (but in North Korea mostly) by clearly demonstrating that they intend to react to any preemptive nuclear strikes conducted by North Korea against the United States with what will most likely be a more than sufficient show of overwhelming force.

Concerned European peace researchers are alarmed, of course, and stress that this type of bravado only sends signals that could result in confrontation and should cease immediately already. Or else.

Nordkorea hatte den Amerikanern jüngst mit einem atomaren Erstschlag und dem Angriff von amerikanischen Militärstützpunkten im Pazifik gedroht.

The British are leaving! The British are leaving!

March 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Humor, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Allied Forces, Berlin, British Army, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, NATO, Occupation, Satire, The British Army on the Rhine, Timetables, UK Troops Leave a comment

And the German communities they will soon be leaving don’t like it one little bit. It has to do with Kaufkraft (spending power) or something.

Strange, isn’t it? Germans are always the first to demand the quickest possible withdrawal timetable for “foreign” troops (NATO, ISAF, etc.) taking part in peacekeeping operations elsewhere in the world, but then start whining once the foreign peacekeepers in Germany finally have enough already and decide to leave themselves – after nearly seventy years.

Peace is hell.

“Da sind die Auswirkungen nur schwer abzuschätzen.”

“Laser”

January 14, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Defense, Dr. Evil, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Lasers, Satire, Technology, Weapon exports, Weapons Leave a comment

Dr. Evil: [about his new “laser“] You see, I’ve turned the moon into what I like to call a “Death Star”. [Scott snickers]

German defense firm Rheinmetall Defense used a new high-energy laser weapons system to shoot fast-moving drones at a distance. The system, which uses two laser weapons, was also used to cut through a steel girder a kilometer away.

All I can say is thank goodness this technology is in German hands. That way it will only be used for peaceful purposes. You know, like making money, and stuff like that.

ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

Germans Really Are Peaceniks After All

June 3, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, History, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Israel, Mutually Assured Destruction, Nuclear weapons, Satire, Self-Defense, Submarines, Technology, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

The submarines they have furnished Israel with will certainly be keeping the peace.

Israel is arming these Dolphin class subs with nuclear-tipped cruise missiles. Any nation that attacks Israel with a nuclear weapon will live to regret it. Not for very long, though.

Now this is gun control that really works. And here we thought the Germans were so down on nuclear power and all that.

“Darauf kann Deutschland stolz sein.”

Germans Now Allowed To Shoot At Pirates

April 19, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, History, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bundeswehr, Defense, EU, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Operation Atalanta, Piracy, Pirates, Satire, Somalia, The Use of Force Leave a comment

On land, even. No, not these pirates. These pirates down here.

Well, they won’t actually be shooting at the pirates per se (that would be bad), but more like at their equipment and stuff. You know, at the loot and the booty on the beaches? This will make the pirates run away and never come back again or at least become good or something.

It is all part of the EU’s anti-pirate Operation Atalanta off the Somali coast so it’s OK for Germans to do this, really.

The German opposition continues to criticise the operation as risky overreach for the forces and has vowed to vote against it.

Let The Protests Begin

February 2, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Military, Missle Shield, NATO, Ramstein, Russia, Satire, Technology 2 Comments

Now that the command center for NATO’s missile shield program will be based here in Germany, it’s time for the German Left (that’s the middle of the road here, by the way) to start telling us why this is an awful bad horrible idea.

My guess is that that we will find out that there are actually no such things as rogue states like Iran (only morally challenged ones), that a missle shield like this is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement, and that putting one into operation (even though it is absolutely positively technically impossible to implement) would hurt Russia’s feelings.

There’s not much happening on the Peace Front either these days, you see. And spring is just around the corner. And folks do get easily bored, you know?

The United States insists that the missile shield aims to counter missile threats from Iran, but Russia has voiced concerns that it would target its own strategic deterrent.

This is Germany

May 31, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Defense, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Satire, Weapons 4 Comments

Huh?

Germany’s President Horst Koehler has thrown in the towel for getting heat about having said this:

“In my view, however, I think our society is on the right path to fully understanding that a country of our size, export-oriented as it is, and therefore dependent upon foreign trade… In a country like ours we must also know that in doubt, in an emergency, military intervention will also be necessary to protect our interests. To keep free trade routes open, for instance, to prevent regional instability, for example, these are things that would otherwise have a definite negative effect upon our trade, our jobs and our income. Everything should be open for discussion here, and I believe that we are making good progress to that end.”

My, how scandalous. How could the pacifist citizens of the world’s third largest weapons exporting nation possibly take such shocking and unsavoury presidential provocations like this sitting down? They couldn’t take it sitting down, of course, so Horst had to step down.

This is just too ridiculous for me. Somebody please tell me what I missed here.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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