Everybody’s Got A COVID-19 Plan

Until they get punched in the face.

Train

Germany: Train passenger without face mask punches attendant – A man on a Hamburg train got violent after a train attendant asked him to wear a face mask and display his ticket. Deutsche Bahn has recently tried to crack down on mask violations.

 

Berlin Cancels Protest By Protestors Who “Question Democracy”

By, well, cancelling Democracy itself.

Ban

Berlin bans large weekend protests against coronavirus restrictions, citing health grounds – The city government of Berlin has called off several planned weekend protests, the largest of which on Saturday expected to draw 20,000 people or more. The organizers plan to challenge the move in court.

Anyone who does not conform to the red-redder-green party line is immediately labeled a right-wing extremist. Works every time.

Clothes Pins May Also Be Introduced

If you can’t figure out how to wear your face masks properly.

Masks

Berlin hopes especially pungent body odor will force people to wear masks – If the risk of contracting the coronavirus isn’t enough to make you wear a mask properly, then someone else’s pungent body odor will surely suffice.

Public transportation officials in Berlin issued a cheeky recommendation for riders last week to stop wearing deodorant, and let their natural odors waft through the shared air, so others can have their masks fully cover their mouths and noses.

“Given that so many people think they can wear their masks under their noses, we’re getting tough.”

German Of The Day: Maskenpflicht

That means the mandatory wearing of face masks. No. Not like the batman ones. These down here.

Maskenpflicht

This in a country that 1) made a big deal about them not being necessary just a few weeks ago and 2) failed abysmally in providing them for their citizens (I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a very strong connection between numbers 1 and 2 here). Hey, just do it yourself, folks. Ha, ha, ha.

On Monday, new regulations went into effect across Germany requiring residents to cover their noses and mouths while traveling with public transportation or while shopping.

Each of Germany’s 16 states, which are entitled to make their own decisions under Germany’s federal system, drew up their own set of regulations — meaning that the rules are slightly different depending on the region.

Maskenpflicht im Einzelhandel gilt jetzt bundesweit.

German Of The Day: Mundschutz-Pflicht

That means the mandatory wearing of face masks (Mundschutz actually means mouth protection in German).

Mundschutz

Coming to your German neighborhood soon – as soon as the face masks the German government failed to hold ready in stock are available.

Then everybody can move on to the “new normalcy,” whatever that’s going to be. Anything’s better than the old normalcy, I suppose.

Zusammen mit Lockerungen der Corona-Beschränkungen – Mundschutz-Pflicht wird immer wahrscheinlicher.

German Of The Day: Voraussetzungen Schaffen

That means to “create the conditions” or “lay the foundation” or “pay the baksheesh,” if you prefer.

Angie

That’s what Angela Merkel just did during a direct call to her Virenschleuder (virus spreading) buddy Xi Jinping. She has layed the foundation for an “airlift” of face masks and other protective clothing to be flown from China to Germany using passenger planes that are no longer in use.

You got to have friends. And money. Not necessarily in that order, though.

Mit gegenwärtig nicht genutzten Passagierflugzeugen der Lufthansa werde zudem eine “Luftbrücke” zwischen China und Deutschland eingerichtet, um die Masken zu transportieren.

Germans Still Pretending That This Didn’t Happen

Honestly, how long have we been hearing that it isn’t a question of “if” a pandemic is coming, it is only a question of “when?”

Masks

Well, then here’s yet another example of government planning in action because Germany was caught with its Lederhose down big time when the coronavirus pandemic hit.

Take face masks. When not shipping off the few that they did have to China before realizing they needed them for themselves, or falsely accusing the United States of stealing face masks destined for them once the panic set in, Angela Merkel’s government spends a considerable amount of energy letting its state media outlets explain to the worried citizenry that face masks really aren’t that important anyway – while frantically trying to organize and produce them in the background.

So we all know what’s coming next. It’s right around the corner, folks. The German government will soon announce – once enough face masks are finally available – that although face masks are not absolutely, positively necessary to protect you during the pandemic you will nevertheless now be required to wear them any and every time you leave your apartment. But don’t thank us for being overly cautious like this, they will say, we only want to take every precaution necessary to keep you safe. They will soon want a pat on the back for not having done their job in the first place, in other words. A failure and a scam from start to finish. We’re here from the government and we’re here to help.

It’s now clear that the German government was ill-prepared for this pandemic, even though a 2012 risk analysis by the federal government sketched out a crisis scenario that is eerily similar to the current situation.

German Of The Day: Wildwest-Methoden

That means “Wild West methods.”

SPD

What it really means is US-Amerika sucks. As usual. Yawn. That the German on the street is anti-American while vehemently denying being anti-American is certainly nothing new but whenever German politicians openly spread fake news allegations about evil Amerikan intentions just to play to the crowd – and everybody bends over backwards not to notice afterward – that still surprises me.

In this case it was Berlin’s red-redder-green city government with Interior Senator Andreas Geisel (SPD) in the lead role.

When face masks for the Berlin police that were supposedly ordered in China and shipped over Thailand never arrived here Geisel ranted in a press statement that the Americans had confiscated them and redirected the shipment to the USA using their “wild west methods” in an act of “modern day piracy” and that the German federal government needed to take action here immediately. None of this ever happened, of course. Just as there will be no consequences for this guy now. Other than he’ll maybe get a raise. It’s a natural instinct, folks. It’s just what Germans and German politicians do.

Als angeblich in China bestellte, über Bangkok nach Berlin verfrachtete Schutzmasken für die Berliner Polizei nicht ankamen, wetterte Geisel in einer Presseerklärung: Die USA hätten die Ware für sich konfiszieren, umleiten lassen – „Wildwest-Methoden“ und „Akt moderner Piraterie“, wütete der Innensenator. Die Bundesregierung müsse eingreifen!

Nice Try, Gazprom Gerd

You can run, Gerhard Schröder, but you can’t hide.

Schroeder

More and more people in Germany are voluntarily wearing face masks in public, as seen here with former chancellor Schröder and his partner.

Immer mehr Menschen in Deutschland tragen in der Öffentlichkeit freiwillig Schutzmasken. Wie hier Alt-Kanzler Schröder mit seiner Lebensgefährtin.

Smart Move

I guess. German city introduces face masks for shoppers as corona cases rise.

Jena

It’s just that the German government doesn’t have any face masks for the population. Nor does German industry. They shipped them all off to China as the pandemic began. No joke. Now Germans are forced to either make their face masks themselves or pay ridiculous prices for the few that are available until industrial production gets back up to speed again. Thank goodness for government planning.

The city of Jena in eastern Germany has decided to make people wear face masks when shopping or traveling by public transport, stepping up efforts to slow the spread of the coronavirus and becoming the first city in the country to introduce the measure.