Bundeswehr Showing More Transparency

Frustrated by the low number of women interested in becoming officers in the German army, the Bundeswehr has decided to once again lead from behind and has begun transitioning some of the few male officers it has (this is the German Army, after all) into the female kind.

Trans

Thought to be a transgression up until very recently, these officers, mostly active as translators or in the transportation division, will be transferred after transformation to the transnational and transcultural Transall troops currently stationed in Transylvania where they will study, among other things, transcendental meditation (this is the German army, after all).

Or so the transcript I’ve read. It was a transliteration, however. End of transmission already.

„Wir haben hier einen Frauenanteil von nur fünf Prozent.“

PS: The female officer in the picture is the big guy on the left.

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He Opened The Door For Me

“And this other creep said he liked my new Frisur (hairstyle).”

Sex

German men would never do that, of course. They just grab knees and do other more direct kind of sexually harassing stuff like that. And they’re apparently pretty fleißig (diligent) at it, too.

One in two women in Germany has experienced some form of sexual harassment, a new YouGov survey showed. The poll comes amid global outrage over sexual assault allegations against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein.

Only one in two? No way. I get globally outraged myself just reading that. Why don’t they just print the truth as it is meant to be and say that all German women have been sexually harassed (or at least all of them will have been very soon – we’ve only got two hands, ladies) and just move on already. To the next global outrage, I mean.

“In 20 years of show business I’ve never been sexually harassed by a man. But that is probably because I find sexual advances from men basically enjoyable and see them as compliments, not as harassment.”

Write This Down

Let’s do some science and write this down.

Insects

New study suggests insect populations have declined by 75% over 3 decades…

A new scientific study has found “dramatic” and “alarming” declines in insect populations in areas in Germany, which researchers say could have far-reaching consequences for the world’s crop production and natural ecosystems.

The science will consist of getting back to me in a year or two, maybe three, if we’re all still around, that is, and reminding me to check into the current numbers about the status of this dramatic decline. You know, just to see how dramatic the dramatic decline was after all? This clearly has the ozone hole, acid rain, Waldsterben (dying forests), BSE (mad cow disease), bird flu, SARS, Elektrosmog (mobile phone radiation), killer bee invasion, drowning polar bears, Ebola pandemic, creepy clowns, chemtrails, creepy clown chemtrails, C02, C02, C02 and Area freakin’ 51 written all over it. If you know what I mean. And you do.

“There’s no reason to think this isn’t happening everywhere.”

More Balanced Jounalism

By unbalanced German journalists.

Stern

First of all, that is not Lady Diana.

Secondly, it’s against the law to destroy an American flag by putting a big hole like that in the stars part or wherever it is so somebody call the cops already.

And thirdly, I’m no longer in third grade. Although sometimes, when browsing through the covers of German mainstream magazines, I wax nostalgic. Personally, I believe that many sides are to blame for this violence. The violence just done to my intellect, I mean.

Ein “stern”-Cover sorgt für Diskussionen. Zu sehen ist der US-Präsident in Nazi-Pose. Auch der Zentralrat der Juden findet das “geschmacklos.”

Martin Schulz Also To Demand End Of Cold War

Once he’s elected and has demanded that US-Amerika remove it’s nuclear armaments from German soil. All two or three of them (they’ve already kind of sort of been removed already, see?).

Schulz

It’s a brave move, as always, but the SPD’s Martin Schulz is known for taking those hard stands. It’s always about principle when it comes to the SPD.

Then, after ending the nuclear arms race and Cold War, he will demand that Germany’s invasion of Poland be nullified, Hitler’s rise to power cancelled and World War 1 be put off indefinetely. If that doesn’t get the vote this guy needs, nothing will.

“Trump wants nuclear armament. We are against this.”

German Cast As Bad Guy In Hollywood Movie

The wonders never cease with this new Wonder Woman flick. For the first time ever, as far as I am aware of, a German has been cast as the bad guy. And here for a while I was worried that Hollywood was running out of fresh, new ideas and stuff.

Ludendorff

Worse still, this bad guy is based on a real German, General Ludendorff himself (I think it’s the guy on the left). He was a general, like I said, in the Imperial German Army who was apparently “ruthless, ambitious, and willing to do whatever it takes to win the war for Germany.” A real loser, in other words. I’m sitting on the edge of my seat already, folks. Do you think they might actually let them win this time?

By the way, Wonder Woman is also based on a real woman. But only very loosely.

The real Ludendorff has been credited for coining the “stab in the back” myth. After World War I, right-wing Germans believed that the Germans didn’t lose the war on the battlefield, but instead that they lost the war because other Germans betrayed them on the homefront

Help Me Man I’m Sick

Ever feel a clammy unease and growing sense of disorientation when living in a particular German city while unsure about what it is you are actually experiencing except that nervous, slippery hold on reality during what is in effect a captivity drama much too subtly disquieting to be called a life?

Yup. Then you’ve got Berlin Syndrome, too. Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. Or, better yet, don’t call me. Like, at all. I’m being held captive and can’t come to the phone.

Der beklemmende Hype.