German Of The Day: Gleichberechtigung

October 17, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Crime, Gender, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Language, Political correctness, Prisons, Sex Offenders 1 Comment

That means equality, emancipation, equal status.

You know, like with prison personnel? Although that’s not quite what this female correctional facility employee got as she accompanied a sex offender during his accompanied prison leave. She got sexually abused instead, before the guy hung himself.

Let women staff accompany convicted sex offenders on the outside? Why, uh, of course. You got to go with the times, bro. Only an outdated primitive like myself would think that maybe that might not be such a terribly good idea.

Wie konnte es zu der schrecklichen Tat in Niedersachsen kommen? Warum musste ausgerechnet eine Frau den verurteilten Triebtäter begleiten?

German Of The Day: Diese Fahrt Endet Hier

October 16, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Farts, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Police Leave a comment

That means this drive or line (as in bus line) terminates here.

Of course a foreign, English-speaking person like yourself might think that it means “this fart ends here.” You know, like the buck stops here only it’s a fart? That would be incorrect, however. So don’t think that.

Over the past 18 months, a crime scandal has been rocking Berlin. It’s one that so far has required the work of 23 officials, necessitated a court appearance, and, this week, provoked protests from a politician on the floor of Berlin’s Senate. It’s the unusual nature of the crime that has provoked such controversy and upset. It wasn’t an act of violence against a person, a case of damage to property, or of fraud. It was, in fact, a fart.

Pups kostet Steuerzahler knapp 87 Euro.

Hertha Berlin To Take Kneeling To The Next Level

October 15, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Footbal, German, Germans, Germany, Hertha BSC, Kneeling, National Anthem, NFL, Soccer, Sports 1 Comment

Anybody can take a stand by kneeling these days, I guess. That’s easy.

Berlin’s beloved soccer team Hertha BSC is doing this kneeling stuff now, too. Wow. Who would have thought that Germans play the American national anthem over here before game time? I had no idea.

Anyway, Hertha’s doing pretty well so far this season so one fan is suggesting that they should go whole hog and try playing in kneeling position throughout the entire game and/or season. The rules are simple: You’re allowed to switch knees only three times during a game. The Star Spangled Banner must be playing at all times, of course. Just a thought.

Der amerikanische Sportler-Protest gegen Diskriminierung erreicht nun auch Deutschland. Vor der Bundesliga-Partie in Berlin setzen die Spieler der Hertha ein bemerkenswertes Zeichen.

German Of The Day: Wegretuschiert

October 13, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Crosses, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Lidl, Political correctness, Products, Religion 2 Comments

That means to airbrush out.

And a lot of customers are cross at the big German discounter Lidl these days for doing just that: Airbrushing out crosses on their products. It’s like Lidl crossed a red line here or something. And now they’re caught in the crossfire. I guess you could say they forgot to dot their i’s and cross their t’s.

First it was a number of Greek products last month and now its Italy’s turn. And why is Lidl doing this? Apparently “to observe religious and political neutrality.” They promised to stop doing this after last month’s airbrushing incident, however. I guess they forgot to cross their heart and hope to die.

Well I, for one, certainly want my moussaka to remain religiously and politically neutral but maybe this is taking it just a wee bit too far.

Damals erklärte Lidl, dass ein derartiger Eingriff dazu diene, die religiöse und politische Neutralität einzuhalten. Nun fehlen auf Lidl-Werbefotos in Italien erneut die Kirchenkreuze.

It’s Kind Of Like Your County Fair Back Home

October 12, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Home Cooking, Hotness Tags: Berlin, Erotica, Fairs, German, Germans, Germany, Sex, Trade Fairs, Venus Leave a comment

Only they’re a little rougher at the pig exhibition here.

A massive erotica trade fair kicked off in Berlin today with thousands of horny punters streaming through its doors to see the latest designs in sex dolls, bedroom toys and porn.

The annual Venus International Erotic Trade Fair is a calendar highlight of the porn industry and even has a “show arena” where live performances are held.

Insgesamt 250 Aussteller sind vor Ort, um über 30.000 Besucher zu unterhalten. Von den neuesten Sex-Spielzeugen über futuristische Gadgets wie menschenähnliche Sexpuppen und fast reale Pornos in Virtual Reality, hier sollte besser niemand Berührungsängste zeigen.

Airbusted

October 9, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Airbus, Corruption, Dieselgate, German, Germans, Germany 2 Comments

Here’s the latest big corrupt German corporation (OK, European corporation) valiantly fighting coruption – within ist own corrupt corporation.

After getting caught, of course. And here we thought they were all straight up and flew right, right? Deutsche Bank, Volkswagen, Airbus, etc.

“We are in this situation because we decided last year to disclose the issues we had ourselves uncovered to government authorities and investigation agencies,” he said, adding: “This was the right course of action.”

Airbus im Korruptionssumpf – Schwarze Kassen und dubiose Deals: In mehreren Ländern laufen Ermittlungen gegen den Airbus-Konzern. Dem Unternehmen drohen wegen diverser Altlasten aus der Vergangenheit Strafen in Milliardenhöhe. Noch ist offen, ob auch gegen Konzernchef Tom Enders ermittelt wird.

The Mystery Of The Dying Dialect

October 8, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Berlinerisch, Dialects, German, Germans, Germany, Language Leave a comment

It’s another one of those “not much of a mystery here at all” mysteries.

Why is “Berlinerisch,” the Berlin dialect, dying out? Do the math.

“Less and less people speak the true Berliner dialect,” was the title of a recent newspaper article that immediately alarmed me. Young people no longer find Berlinerisch cool, and the 60,000 people who move to the city every year aren’t planning on learning it either…

Meanwhile, only a quarter of all Berliners were actually born in Berlin – and that ratio is sinking. It’s bad enough that Berliners are bound to disappear; we can’t just let the language die out.

‘Icke’ should be World Cultural Heritage

That Was An Arrival

October 6, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings Tags: A380, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Storms, Weather, Xavier Leave a comment

Not a landing.

And Berlin is not nearly as green as it used to be, folks. Fallen trees everywhere.

Thanks for that early warning (not), weather people. What the hell was that?

USA

October 5, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Guns, Profit, Weapons, Weapons Exports 2 Comments

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

German weapons firms have found eager buyers in the United States. Stats show that stock prices of US gunmakers rise after shootings like the one in Las Vegas…

Heckler & Koch (H&K), based in Oberndorf, southern Germany, is currently building a $23 million (€19.55 million) gun factory in Columbus, Georgia, that will exclusively make “sports and hunting” weapons for the US civilian market.

“We’re the Porsches.”

Deutsche Post Introduces New Robotic Technology To Deliver Packages Late More Efficiently

October 4, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Deutsche Post, German, Germans, Germany, Post Office, Postmen, Robots, Technology 1 Comment

Intent on keeping up with the times, the German Post is now in the process of introducing a so-called Postbot that will help human postmen deliver their packages later than ever before, or not at all.

Based on their human counterparts, the Postbot will regularly call in sick, inexplicably lose letters and packages assigned to it once it leaves the post office and regularly pretend to have ringed at apartments located two floors or higher before leaving a notice in the mailbox claiming that nobody was home when they were there. The Postbot will do this noticably faster and more efficiently, however, failing to deliver up to seven times the number of undelivered packages normal German postmen fail to deliver.

Union officials have expressed concern that the Postbot could threaten Deutsche Post jobs and insists that the robot must be granted obligatory union memborship to help slow down this frantic pace of technological advance.

In zwei Zustellbezirken wird das vierrädrige, 1,50 Meter hohe Gefährt den Boten hinterher fahren. Es könne bis zu 150 Kilo Briefe und Pakete transportieren, stoppe vor Hindernissen und überwinde Bordsteine. Mittels Sensoren erkennt er die Beine der menschlichen Postboten und folgt ihnen in Schrittgeschwindigkeit.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Germans